Page 114 INT. HOLD - APC 114 Malia… leans forward suddenly, studying the graphic readout of the STATION GROUND
PLAN and, on top of that, a MAP OF FRANCE.
MALIAHas anyone ever been to Corsica?ZARDOZI'd imagine so.
GODDESS JASMINE Guess What?
THROUGHSILVERWILLLMAAAAA PUNDYGru has come round to drop off your very own Minions?THE VISIONYou’ve locked Joans (Who is a man, by the way) out?Joddess Jasmine getting irate.
GODDESS JASMINE NO. What do those Smart-phone-rifles fire?
CRASFucking one-click POTW noms Why?
THE VISION, CURIO, THE FIREFAERIE & GRIM… repeating in unisonFucking one-click POTW noms
GODDESS JASMINE Well, look where your team is, they're right under the
primary heat exchangers.
CRASSo? I’m a little ginger love bunny.
GODDESS JASMINESo, if they press their fat chubby hands over the POTW buttons in there, won't they rupture the cooling system?
MR KISSYFURHo, ho, ho. Yeah. She's absolutely right.
Although I think love bunny is overstating your potency, personally. Little ginger love shrew, maybe, at most.CRAS So? So what?
MR KISSYFURLook, this whole station is basically a big fusion reactor. Right?
We're talking about a thermonuclear explosion and adios muchachos.
Hey, look,
it's a yay for Craster's love shrew, as it appears to be the first time anyone's paid it any attention.CRASOh...ah, great. Wonderful. Shhhit!
(into headset)
Look...uh…Dimrill...look, we can't have any firing in there.
I, uh, want you to collect magazines from everybody.
Dimrill collects everyone’s Amiga Powers.
Page 115 INT. ALIEN STRUCTURE The Beexers look at each other in dismay. They all start arguing against the command.
CURIOIs he fucking crazy?
GAZCHAP What the hell are we supposed to use, man?
Impressive minigun gibbage?
MR KISSYFUR(voice over, filtered)
Flame-units only. I want rifles slung.
APODSir, I…?
MR KISSYFUR(voice over, filtered)
No. I hve netirelynot signposted that all evening with my increasingly strident postings.I mean, what! I'm totes sober. urine off.APOD Has he been drinking?
MR KISSYFURSuddenly lucid.
You also enjoy Xfactor, so your opinion on, well, pretty much anything is worth precisely zip. You're the guy they call when they want to find out what the lowest common denominator thinks.APODAwright, sweethearts, you heard the man. Turn off that TV and hand in your magazines. Come on. Let's have 'em. Come on, CURIO. Clear and lock that cassette deck pumping out Robbie’s Rude Box.
CURIODamn!
Robbie is the lowest common denominator in the history of the world. He makes Big Brother look like the South Bank ShowAPOD walks among the Beexers, collecting the magazines from each one. ("hang on, didn't Dimrill do this earlier" - Sub Ed)
APOD(voice over)
You too, give it up Runcle. Come on. Let's go.
Kern, I want it now. Give it up.
EVERYONEThat’s what your mum said.
When APOD moves on, Curio pulls out two spare magazines from concealment: Razzle and AP0. She gives the AP0 to Dimrill.
DIMRILLRight on, Vas. I mean, Curio.
APODLet's go, Marine. Give it up. Chinny, you got the duty. Open that bag.
APOD puts all the Amstrad magazine’s in Chinny’s rucksack and hands it back to him to carry.
CHINNYThanks a lot, Sarge.
APODMARKG! Cover our ass. Head 'em out people!
MARKG reaches over his shoulder and slides out an old-style PUMP-ACTION TWELVE GAUGE HAT. It has a picture of Mickey Mouse on it. Silent Elk looks over at it.
MARKGI like to...
MARKG tips the hat at a jaunty angle.
MARKG...wear this indoors.
SILENT ELKWhat happens when a funeral car goes past?Page 116 INT. LARGE CHAMBER 116The air is thick. Lights flare.
MR KISSYFUR (voice over, filtered)
Any movement?
MALIA watches his tracker, scanning.
MALIANothing. Zip.
APOD stops, his expression changing as he gazes up a wall.
MALIAHoly shit.
They face a wall of living horror. The colonists have been brought here and entombed alive. COCOONS protrude from the niches and interstices of the structure. The cocoon material is the same translucent epoxy. The bodies are frozen in twisted positions. Rib cages burst outward, exploded from within. Paralyzed, then brought here as hosts for the embryos which grew within them.
A dog walks past.
APODWhat is it?
MALIA It's a thing that has got four legs and goes "woof!" that isn't an oil platform.-----------------------------
And that’s your lot for this week folks! Will there be more next week? Will someone remember to take me off BeeX WeeX? Who knows! Tune in next time.
Thanks to everyone who NOMMED. There were loads of you and there’s not enough time in the day to try and pathetically crowbar them somehow into the Aliens script.
BYE!