Be Excellent To Each Other

Bread lands butter side down, cats always land on their feet. I'm sure you're all aware of the possibility of attaching a piece of buttered bread to a cat's back thus creating a perpetually spinning device, but, the question is, is the bread important? Would simply applying butter to a cat's back cause the same effect?

Yes, butter is the key here, bread products don't come into it!

Why would it spin?

Neither buttered bread or cats have commutators. It would move 90 degrees and stop.

I see your point, but more importantly, is the bread relevant?

I think it might be... if you drop a tub of butter on the floor it doesn't necessarily land butter down, so the bread must be influencing something?

This is more like it. If it was just the butter, you could sneak a pat of butter into a casino and create your own loaded dice.

It's not bread. It has to be toast.

I just had buttered toast.

I think I solved this entire problem by not dropping my buttered toast. Also, by not using butter but a cheap butter substitute that spreads directly from the fridge.

I didn't even want toast, but my bread was frozen, and apparently defrosting a single slice of bread on a warm day takes FOUR HOURS, or so I am reliably misinformed.

It's always about the bread.

Here is my proposed experiment:

1) make möbius strip of bread
2) toast möbius bread
3) butter the only side of the möbius toast
4) drop buttered möbius toast

Prediction: universe implodes.

It's probably quicker to use a microwave.

Does Brian Cox know about this? It could render his hardon collider obsolete.

I know wot I wrote.

I have a sudden urgent need for toast, so I shall have some and see if it levitates itself above the plate if I flip it over after buttering

Not as much as you'd think - a single slice of bread will defrost in 10-15 minutes* when left on the worktop, and microwaves only effectively agitate liquid-state water molecules, so you've got to wait for it to start defrosting naturally before the microwaves can kick in properly anyway, and a slice of bread is shallow and uniformly frozen which is important for a reason I can't quite put my finger on just now.

But anyway, microwave defrosting is very risky business because when it does finally take off it quickly goes past "defrosted bread" to "ew cardboard," particularly in low-slice-multiple quantities.

* 4 hours WOT

Mmm, toast.

This is the full extent of my scientific contribution, at this time.

And with this I conclude that this is yet another disagreement which I have proved victorious in.

I said single slice, warm day: 10 minutes.

Hm. At no point have I had toast urges.

I think that's something else broken, then.

Toast is only a canvas for bacon.

Instead of using buttered toast, consider using toasted (on one side only) butter.

Deep fried butter.

Who cares? If it makes a spinning cat you could stick a dynamo up it's arse & generate electricity!

Wonder if they'd let us patent that?

Is the cat's back dead and alive simultaneously?

Like Joan Rivers?

Why is the cat so important? It be much easier just to butter both sides of the toast.

Again, it would just drop, and spin slightly before settling at a point sideways on to the floor on the thin edge of the crust.

What happens if you toast your bread, soak it in melted butter, mould it into a perfect sphere, freeze it, butter it, and then drop it?

No idea, but I'm sure as hell willing to find out.

How about a Dodecahedron made from buttered toast with the buttered sides turned out?

I believe you'll find this is the power system behind Kalmar's latest mode of transport

My preferred propulsion method is to tie Craster to the back of a handcart and keep dropping live grenades just behind him.

Fill the cart with grenades and have him drop them himself and you've got Orion, so he must've been right all along.

Get a time cube, right, and then fill it with 0-dimensional butter.

This relies on the premise that toast always lands butter side down.

For the banishment of further amusement I must emphatically state that it does not.

Murphy's Law quite clearly states that it does. However, Murphy's Law also operates on Murphy's Law, ensuring that any attempt to measure or exploit it also goes awry. Washing your car will not end a drought.

Unless of course you confidently state that to someone washing their car in a drought, because at that point you become subject to Murphy's law, and the rain starts.

What if you put the buttered toast on a treadmill and turn its engines on - will it take off?

I've made a hovercat by buttering its arse.

Is the time cube made of bread?

Is it toasted?

Is it buttered?

Is the cat both alive and dead at the same time?

Are the inside surfaces buttered?

You leave too many questions.

Imagine the buttered toast as a big sheet of rubber...

Yes... keep talking...

And then you get hold of a couple of big heavy balls...

Yes... they're smooooooth and ovoid...

The balls are also toasty and buttery.

And then they deform the rubber sheet.

oooooooooooooh... deformed rubber...

So they all roll around the universe and the sticky butter ends up all over everything.

But surely we're missing the important point - do we attach the magnets to the toast or the cat?

1) It is made of both cake and biscuit at the same time.

2) It is toasted.

3/4) The cat has eaten the butter and been sick.

5) Ask Zardoz.