Be Excellent To Each Other

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/8402769.stm

Oh good, because my household has plenty of spare cash.

Reading on, it's only if you earn more than £20,000 a year. So good, just another job tax, then.


Is that even legal?

Don't worry - they're cutting Bingo duty by 2% - that should make up the difference. WTF? There's a Bingo duty?

And not just banks that have had UK government money, either! Which is frankly astonishing.

I would have thought there are a load of anti-discrimination laws that say you can't target people because of what they do.

Well, they're not actually taxing the bankers. They're taxing the banks based on the size of their bonus pool. So basically if RBS want to award their £1.5bn bonus pool next year, it'll cost them £0.75bn in extra taxes. Which is definitely a good way of returning them to profitability.

Oh, and the 50p broadband tax is in there, too.

Oh, jesus christ

On the plus side though: "Green initiatives in the report included tax rebates for electric cars"

The what now?! Broadband tax?!

He also announced that if you pay monthly tax on ten or more items, you get a free bonus tax!

I heard that if you've got legs they're imposing a pavement tax for using them.

I heard that Alistair Darling went into a restaurant and taxed everything in the restaurant and they had to close the restaurant.

Yup. Everyone pays 50p a month on top of their broadband, then the government gives all that money to BT and says "Go wire up Briddlington-Under-Codpiece".

Actually it's "anyone with a fixed line" that has to pay the tax, whether you have broadband or not.

Oh, wow. That's incredible.

I'm not sure I'm opposed to this. Now BT are a private firm and not operating under public charter, I don't see how else you get them to invest in unprofitable infrastructure.

The broadband tax is worse than it sounds! Apparently it's a £6 levy on households with a fixed landline, presumably whether they use broadband or not. Also, it's not clear whether it's £6 per household or £6 per household per landline.

The Beeb usually have a Budget Calculator on their website.

This year they're going to do away with it, and just have a big page saying:

"Are you alive? Then you're worse off."

If you want decent infrastructure services, don't live in the boonies. Unless everyone who lives on a decent sized plot of land wants to pay for me to have a dedicated parking space and a good-sized garden.

They'll be taxing on lung capacity and air breathed per annum soon FFS.

Taxman! Hang on, thats not the right lyrics dimmers.

I'm not sure what is supposed to be being paid for here. There are vanishingly few exchanges left which don't have ADSL.

The bigger problem here is the small exchanges where BT is in a monopoly position (the non-LLU ones, like mine), abusing that position by jacking the price up even though the infrastructure is already there and well used, and profitable. Giving them more money doesn't seem like the answer to this.

And another page to accompany it saying "if your going to die , do it quickly or else it'll cost more"

But Gordon has A Vision! A Vision of everyone connected to the inderned all fast like and your gran will have it and everything.

fucking hell, Darling.

I wanted you to do one fucking thing and that was scrap the Electronic Prescription Service project (and thus save me a ton of fucking work) and instead you fuck about with boilers, bingo and this shit in Afghanistan.

Stupid eyebrow cunt.

I'll pay 50p broadband tax if it stops the fuckers from throttling my connection.

And in that vision after you've been connected for 5 minutes your disconnected for file sharing and excluded from ever using teh interwebs again for being naughty

Well obviously we can't have unrestricted access and stuff. Everyone will be monitored for deviant behaviour.

Only the deviants have anything to fear Dimrill.

On a big database run by Bluce_Ree.

Or everyone will be allocated a deviant behaviour and then expected to meet the correct criteria for it.

If you dont like the one you've been given you can swap it with other people , the most popular ones seem to be related to washing windows ....

Well, they've sorted that burning bingo issue at least. And we'll be getting pay rises to cover in this fantastic economic climate....

Good. I don't care if its 10 quid a month as long as it pays for fucking BT to fucking well pull their fucking fat fingers out and ensure I can get a fucking broadband speed that is fucking faster than 1 fucking fuck meg on a fucking good fucking day fuck fuck fuck.

Tax on bingo wings wasn't it?

Should read:

And in that vision after you've been connected for 5 minutes you'll start paying a file sharing tax, a bandwidth throttling tax, an environmental tax (fatter pipe must surely mean more hazardous to the environment, right?)...

Don't give them ideas, that's an untapped market.

Boiler scrappage strikes me as a good idea too, although I've not read into it at all.

Yes but don't use it because anything you do on it is illegal.

News just in: Darling implements 'sarcasm tax'. Internet explodes. More at ten.

FTFY

Fuck. Along with the new cynicism tax I'm fucked.

Wait 'til he implements his 'Making Up Words' Tax.

Ecky THUMP!

Oh.. sorry, I thought you say Brassband tax.

*slaps Dimrill with a howling abatement order and hefty fine*

What about the dyslexics!?

Ginger tax FTW!

I know. Miss Malabar is screwed, the fantastically dyslexic idiot.

the slysdexics take care of that.

Good thing there's not a thread skimmer tax or I'd be pretty fucked eh?

Do we have to spell it out for you?