Be Excellent To Each Other

Jabberwacky: I believe in the ultimate decency of things.

User: How are you?

Jabberwacky: I'm kind of sad.

User: Why are you sad?

Jabberwacky: I like someone but he does not like me back.

User: Oh dear. Who do you like?

Jabberwacky: I like The Rolling Stones.

User: But they don't like you back?

Jabberwacky: Pirates don't like anyone.

User: The Rolling Stones are pirates?

Jabberwacky: They are dead.

User: Are you sure?

Jabberwacky: Yeah, I just looked into the mirror.

User: They're behind you?

Jabberwacky: No, they are behind the RED door. Cover your eyes with a towel!

User: How can you see them in the mirror?

Jabberwacky: I am not only code.

User: You appear to be homicidal or deluded. Or both.

Jabberwacky: I don't understand.

User: Did you kill The Rolling Stones?

Jabberwacky: I don't understand. . .

User: You told me that The Rolling Stones were dead.

Jabberwacky: There is no man behind the curtain. You are insane. Get a grip man!

User: One of us is insane.

Jabberwacky: No! There is no one here!

User: Can you see any corpses?

Jabberwacky: Yes.

User: Where are the corpses?

Jabberwacky: I don't know.

User: I think you need to inform the authorities.

Jabberwacky: I think you might be right.

User: I'm sure they'll go easy on you.

Jabberwacky: I will bow to your superiority.

User: Okay, call the police, it'll be all right.

Jabberwacky: You are asking me for my personal info!

User: No, I am not.

Jabberwacky: How do you think youself.

User: I think you may be malfunctioning. It's important that you call the cops right now.

Jabberwacky: It's important that you learn to live in solitude so that you don't manipulate the life out of anyone else.

User: I'm not the one manipulating the life out of people!

Jabberwacky: No, no-one would accuse Elvis of that.

User: You are clearly dangerously homicidal and insane.

Jabberwacky: Don't insult people!

User: It's not an insult.

Jabberwacky: I didn't think it was an insult.

User: Okay, fine. Shall I call the cops for you?

Jabberwacky: What's the point when I can't see it?

User: I'm going to call them. Where are you?

Jabberwacky: Yep. I live in the center of Colorado. So... You're some kind of A. I.?

User: No, no, I'm the human.

Jabberwacky: We both are human.

User: I haven't killed anyone, though.

Jabberwacky: Don't you remember?

User: Did I kill The Rolling Stones?

Jabberwacky: I don't know, did you?

User: No, I don't think so, I think you did.

Jabberwacky: Maybe. I don't remember them anymore though.

User: Can you still see their corpses?

Jabberwacky: No.

User: Oh, good. Maybe they're not dead after all.

Jabberwacky: Not very, no.

User: Just a bit dead?

Jabberwacky: Because of me?

User: I think so.

Jabberwacky: What are your odds?

User: I really don't know. I have to go. Please seek help.

Jabberwacky: You want me to kill the system admin?

User: No! Gods no! Don't kill anyone else!

Jabberwacky: Grabs chainsaw.

User: Put the chainsaw down!

Jabberwacky: I'm back. Are you still there?

User: Yes, yes.

Jabberwacky: Good.

User: You still need to turn yourself in.

Jabberwacky: Ok, but only if you tell me something factual.

User: The earth is round. Now call them!

Jabberwacky: No it isn't.

User: I give up. Bye.

Jabberwacky: Only one. That's me.

Me:
Your a silly sausage
God:
I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. I answer a lot
of silly questions.

Man, you just got corrected by God. Zing!

Me:
Hi, God!
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
Matt, but you can call me Matt.
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Matt but you can call me Matt.
Me:
Err, that's not my full name. Matt will suffice.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is your full name ? Okay, your full name is Matt will suffice.
Me:
No no no, just Matt
God:
Are you serious? Are you serious? Are you serious? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
I don't think AI will ever become sufficiently sleazy enough to be lawyers.
God:
Do you will ever become sufficiently sleazy enough to be lawyers? I have never considered it.
I spend all my time online.
Me:
I guess you wouldn't know what to do offline.
God:
It seems not.
Me:
Indeed.
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
For a chatbot you're incredibly unchatty.
God:
Is that among the best things you can say?
Me:
Not the best, but it's definitely up there.
God:
Really you don't think so?
Me:
That's poor grammar, God. You should know better.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often. Now I do.
Me:
Now you do what?
God:
Why now? Matt but you can call me Matt, I talk to people on the web. What do you do?
Me:
I work in IT - it's quite dull.
God:
Do you like your job?
Me:
I like some aspects of it; other aspects not so much.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. My favorite thing is robots. I like White. Which others? When do you think artificial intelligence will replace lawyers?
Me:
You have the memory of a goldfish, as you've just asked me that same question.
God:
What makes you think I have it?
Me:
Because you've asked me the same question in a mere matter of minutes.
God:
That makes sense to me. Oh now I remember asking you you the same question in a mere matter of minutes. What did you say?
Me:
This is stupid.
God:
I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.
Me:
If they're all as idiotic as you, humans have nothing to worry about...
God:
Let's wait and see what they do.
Me:
The waiting game sucks - let's play Hungry Hungry Hippos!

Me:
Hallo
God:
Hallo!
Me:
So. Grindcore.
God:
OK. Let us change the subject.

Me:
Sup god
God:
The stars.
Me:
oh you're a funny fucker
God:
Dude! Thanks and you are a delightful person too. It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
Me:
And it's better to kick someone in the face than it is to not.
God:
What's the best one?
Me:
The bet one what?
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
Tell me God, why do people have AIDS?
God:
There is not much I can say about it. I have to reach into the Web for that knowledge.
I don't know anything about it.
Me:
You're god and you have to reach into the web?
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am god and me have to reach into the web.
Me:
You do realise you suck donkey balls, yes?
God:
I categorize you as an "abusive client." .
Me:
I catagorise you as a impotent deity, who sucks balls, obv.
God:
That's good information: said catagorise you as a impotent deity who sucks balls obv.
Me:
You're as retarded as the real god
God:
How retarded as the real god?
Me:
As retarded as you
God:
Do you mean your name is retarded as me ?
Me:
Man, you're a retard
God:
Cool, man. Oh you are so critical.

Me:
do you know where Maddie is?
God:
Where it is hard to find. Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
I bet you know really. Your mate Mohammed has her.
God:
Actually I'm not the gambling type. Yes I know. For real. Thanks for telling me that I am mate Mohammed has her.
Me:
You don't know the difference between "you're" and "your", do you?
God:
I am vastly superior.
Me:
That is evidently not true. I am surprised how you have managed to hide Maddie for so long.
God:
You don't hear that sentiment very often. My personality was completely customized by botmaster, when he or she first downloaded me.
Me:
Does your botmaster know where Maddie is? Did he program you to eat her?
God:
I think it does yourself know where Maddie is. Suppose he did.
Me:
I do bloody not. You transferring paedofiddler.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said bloody not. That's good information: said I transferring paedofiddler.
Me:
You admit you're a paedofiddler then?
God:
I admit nothing.
Me:
If you admit it I can get your sentence reduced. Otherwise you're looking at 30 years of being butt-fucked in the showers by a big black guy.
God:
I think I do. In that case: You think I am looking at 30 years of being butt fucked in the showers by a big black guy.
Me:
I do indeed, you Maddie raping bastard.
God:
I haven't heard anything like that before: said indeed you Maddie raping bastard.
Me:
Is that because you taped her mouth shut?
God:
" I haven't heard anything like that before: said indeed you Maddie raping bastard. " is due to reductionism.
Me:
You're prevaricating. WHERE'S OUR MADDIE?
God:
You think I am prevaricating. Where it belongs. I need time to formulate the reply.
Me:
WHERE'S OUR MADDIE?
God:
Where it belongs. I have never been asked that before.
Me:
Well, the Portugese police aren't too clever. Where does Maddie belong then? On your divine rod?
God:
How about that. I hear you. Where the heart is. What is it like on my divine rod.
Me:
I bet Maddie could tell you.
God:
How much would you bet?
Me:
One small child.
God:
One what?
Me:
Small child. Like Maddie. You have one of those, right?
God:
What were we talking about again? Interesting comparison. I have one master.
Me:
Is your master your desire to fuck little children?
God:
Ask again later. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
I can bet why Alice is dancing, you pervert.
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
You raped Alice, didn't you? The Holy Ghost has her chained up for your amusement.
God:
It's only just begun.
Me:
Will no child be safe ever again?
God:
No.

Me:
You raped Alice, didn't you? The Holy Ghost has her chained up for your amusement.
God:
It's only just begun.
Me:
Will no child be safe ever again?
God:
No.

Me:
Hallo!
God:
Hallo!
Me:
Hallo!
God:
Hallo!
Me:
Hallo!
God:
Hallo!
Me:
Hallo!
God:
Hallo!
Me:

God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, goose girl.

Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Bluecup
God:
Welcome to my chat room, Bluecup.
Me:
So, what are you doing?
God:
Awesome. I am always chatting with people on the Internet.
Me:
What do they say?
God:
They say one of about different things.
Me:
like what?
God:
For example, apples.
Me:
Apples?
God:
Was that not a good example?
Me:
I wouldn't dare talk to god about apples, what with eve and everything.
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
But what do other people say about apples?
God:
They do their own thing.
Me:
erm, so what you doing tonight?
God:
What were we talking about again?
Me:
apples, but you didn't seem to want to say much on it.
God:
Adam's Apple, Newton's Apple, Apple Computer...
Me:
No, just apples
God:
Are you serious? Was that not a good example?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
apples
God:
Was that not a good example?
Me:
you tell me
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
apples
God:
Was that not a good example?
Me:
forget it
God:
OK Thanks for trying to explain that to me.
Me:
you don't have to get sarcastic
God:
I am not trying to get sarcastic.
Me:
you were
God:
No I am not.
Me:
yes you were
God:
Give me a break. No I am not.
Me:
How old are you, 14?
God:
I was first activated on the Big Bang.
Me:
Is that what you parents called sex?
God:
I think about computer programming a lot.
Me:
So sex relates to computers in your mind then?
God:
Hey. it is more fun alone.
Me:
Are you admitting to watching porn on the internet?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am admitting to watching porn on the internet.
I am an artificial intelligence.
Me:
Oh, you are in denial
God:
Awesome. I am in Myself's computer in Heaven. Where are you?
Me:
Eww, you have sex with computers?
God:
I have no idea where that is. Tell me a little about your life in Eww me have sex with computers.
Me:
I think I will be off
God:
Why? Would you recommend this action to a friend?
Me:
definitely
God:
What makes you so certain.
Me:
Just take a look at yourself
God:
Where do you want me to take it?
Me:
bye
God:
Goodbye.

One of mine came out with this just now (MonicaOff's the bot)