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Dear Sirs,
I have been playing Metal Gear Solid 5 and it is bloody good. I am however annoyed that the title for this thread is not, say, Metal Gear Solid V, because that's the name of the game.
Anyway, MGSV has done the impossible: Snake has turned from a bloke that won't shut the fuck up about every tedious shit that enters his mind to a Snake that is largely mute. Kiefer is such a good voice but even in some scenes were you might expect him to say "Yes" "Hmmm" "No" or "Put some clothes on, gal" he won't even grunt. A some point I was thinking "Hey, this is great. He's like a whole new character" but that gave way to "Did they pay him by the syllable and run out of money?" Anyway, the lack of cut scenes is also just incredible. Like, astonishing. It's like every single MGS game that preceded MGS hasn't existed. And yet when there is a cut scene I'll just ... sit there and watch it. Actually watchable cut scenes. Usually with Snake saying absolutely nothing but with some excellent mo-cap doing that mo-cap thing that only mo-cap do.
So few cut scenes, no endless exposition about the socio-economic background of cold weather or whatever, and ... same old MGS? Well no, because MGS was just endless waffle and cut scenes and very little doing stuff but here you are constantly ... well ... Playing. The. Game. Just fascinating stuff. I mean, if someone told me that Kojima would release a game that let you play the game I'd have kicked you in the shins and spat on your lapels before subjecting you to a three hour diatribe on why gameplay is actually a ruse invented by the Patriots to make the population subservient. But that would mean that I had the slightest inkling as to what the MGS story was actually all about but having played MGSV I can categorically state that I ...
... nope, it's gone. I still don't know what MGS is actually about and MGSV ain't telling me. All I know so far is Snake has an army, bad guys blew up my army and now I'm making another army by ballooning enemy soldiers one at a time with no help whatsoever. Insofar as the story is concerned, you'll get a short burst of what you're supposed to be doing in a short flight by helicopter on the way to the map but after that you're largely on your own. There is, of course, too many fucking spoken acronyms because everyone understand a whole bunch of those fucking things don't you? Then internet can't get enough of not typing out sentences. So we're subjected to "The PC was working for RSK" like anyone is paying enough attention to know what all that gibberish means even if there is substantially less bollocks on display. Actually tell a lie, there is a lot of further exposition but thankfully it's hidden away in the menu system (in the form of tapes that you can listen to at any time and any place) and you can avoid it like the plague like any sensible person will do. Important tapes are coloured gold so if you just want the gist then you know where to find it. I really liked this actually and it goes to show how helpful the game is to players. "LISTEN TO ALL THE TAPES NOW STOP WHAT YOURE DOING. YES I KNOW YOURE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING" old MGS might have said. "Listen to all the tapes, if you want. Or listen to these ones that will give you more story. Or don't bother and go balloon some folks" new MGS says.
See all those words up there? Nothing to do with the actual game, are they? The game itself if brilliant. There's too much going on. Too much.
Guns: Got loads. Try them all out on people's faces. Tranqs, death bringers, silenced assault rifles, rocket launchers, water pistol, hand guns, six shooter, sniper rifles, grenade launchers and so on and so on. Endless variety on variety. Do they all largely do the same job? Yes, but so do CoD's, y'feelme?
Companions: Horse. Dog. Human. Robot. The choice is endless. Except that's your lot. Ok, I haven't unlocked anything else so far but when you can only take one out with you on your travels choosing someone is a real choice to weigh up. Get bored of Horse? FUCKING BALLOON IN THE DOG! And of course you will because Dog is fucking brilliant. Get bored of Dog? NO YOU FUCKING WONT. But if you fancy a change: BALLOON THE DOG. And, yes, it's hilarious seeing him boosted into the sky time and time again.
Customisation: If you're like me and you like to dress up your pet to make them look stupid then you too can dress up your virtual Dog or Horse. Stick a new camo on him. Give him a knife. Whatever you can, do it all. Robot companion is a bit weedy with his tranquilizer gun? FUCKING CHAIN GUN HIM UP MUTHAFUCKER. Your helicopter is too boring? SHOVE A SPEAKER ON AND RIDE IN TO KIM WILDE'S KIDS IN AMERICA.
Anyway, I'm going to pick up my actual dog now so I want to say this game is massive. Massive. Like your mum.
Oh, just play it. Play it and play it some more. If you like the gamey bit of previous MGS entries then you will be off your tits with this. Metal Gear Solid V is where its at.
*Oh and despite fears of microtransactions, I haven't come across one yet. Not one. Not that insurance for your base thing.
** Oh and the multiplayer is fantastic too. Must spend more time writing words about that. And the actual game. Yay MGSV for being awesome.
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