Saturnalian wrote:
l and now my parents dog has terminal liver cancer. The cancer is 10cm and apparently there was more cancer than liver on the ultrasound. If anyone sees me on Twitter/Instagram you might have guessed I dote on my doggies and this is my dog's dad. It's heartbreaking to watch this cute dog that you've spent 12 years fussing and loving just waste away as the cancer eats at him.
It's been a strange old day today. The Gooch's dad, Jezzy was put down today. He was 12 years old and I met him when he was just 2 months old. He'd been suffering from liver cancer. The vet wanted to put him down almost 6 months ago but the family said no and he lasted another 6 months. I saw this morning when I dropped the Gooch off at the folks. He'd had another bad night apparently and as he was "end stage liver failure" he'd started having coughing fits. Mum was rubbing his chest and I went and gave him a fuss and he licked my nose like he always does. His eyes seemed bright even though his body was grossly swollen from ascitis. Then I got the call from my dad at about lunch: they'd had him put down. Jezzy had a coughing fit earlier and couldn't get his breath so they took him to the vet and decided to have him put down. He'd had 5 months of pain. My dad told me he'd brought his body home to see the other dogs so they knew what had happened and he was just going to the doggy crematorium with the body. He started to cry so he put the phone down.
I was a bit angry at first because I didn't have the chance to say goodbye to him. I could have asked to see the body before my dad took him but decided against it. I don't know why. But later I realised that the decision to put him down would probably have been made quickly at the vet so I don't blame the folks for not letting me say goodbye. My dad told me later he held him in his arms at the vets as he passed away and his body just went limp at that moment he slipped away. I've had lots of mixed emotions today, not really having lost anyone before, but I've seen Jezzy almost every day of his life.
I can't imagine what my dad was going through today. He's obviously had a cry but to carry around Jezzy's body - he must have a steel will. It makes you wonder what dads do and how they cope. I don't have any children of my own but, by Christ, dads must do some rough things. Mum's too of course. I'm just thinking about what my dad has done over the years. Me and brother's bullshit, the pets he's lost and buried. Salute to him.
Weirdly I've been pondering whether to put up a Facebook post for an hour or so. What purpose would it serve? To do it for a bit of sympathy. Would it be seen like that and is that the reason? I decided in the end that I would do it but not for anyone else but as a marker in a digital diary. I might look back on the crap I've written at some point in the future and remember that I miss Jezzy, I loved him and he was a great little dog and thank him every day for The Gooch.
When I walked out the door this morning I said "See you later Jezzy. See you later." I never did.