Every man should know

MaliA · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:11

A bookmakers have made a list of what every man needs to know. Because everything is now lists and we'll talk about how it isn't right and stuff. Suck it up, Betas.

Quote:

1. His wedding anniversary date

2. Basic DIY

3. How to change a light bulb

4. How to tie up a tie

5. How to read a map

6. His partner's favourite drink

7. How to iron a shirt

8. How to change a tyre

9. How to wet shave correctly

10. The right amount of aftershave to use

11. How to change a fuse

12. When a woman says "I'm fine" she is not fine

13. How to put up a shelf

14. How to polish his shoes

15. How to give a confident handshake

16. How many inches are in a foot

17. When to accept defeat and apologise

18. Know the offside rule

19. The year England won the World Cup

20. How to do his own laundry

21. How to fix a bike puncture

22. How to jumpstart a car

23. How to parallel park

24. The difference between ale and lager

25. The best way to carve meat

26. His own height

27. How to drive in snow

28. What wires represent earth, live and neutral

29. How to introduce himself

30. His parents' address

31. What the football scores were at the weekend

32. How to light a BBQ

33. When a woman says "Do what you want" do not do what you want

34. How to change oil

35. What the biggest recent football transfers are

36. How to build a fire

37. Which way is North

38. How to use the contents of the toolbox

39. How to tune in a telly

40. How many miles are left after the petrol light appears

41. How to fix a toilet

42. How to put someone in a recovery position

43. His personal alcohol limits

44. Change a battery on a car

45. How to get a car unstuck

46. The words to the national anthem

47. How to change a nappy

48. How to perform CPR

49. How to put up a tent

50. Who are favourites to win the Premier League

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/newstop ... -know.html

myp · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:14

That is the twattiest thing I've read in a while (properly published, not including Trooper's posts).

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22366

Anything football related docks me a few points!

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22366

Future Warrior wrote:

That is the twattiest thing I've read in a while (properly published, not including Trooper's posts).

Get a haircut.

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

Humankind appears to have lost the ability to have made a list that isn't twatty at some point in the past five years. I blame the following three parties:

1 Buzzfeed
2 Myp
3 Buzzfeed

myp · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:18

ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:

Humankind appears to have lost the ability to have made a list that isn't twatty at some point in the past five years. I blame the following three parties:

1 Buzzfeed
2 Myp
3 Buzzfeed

That's better than I'd hoped. I was expecting to be at number one.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22366

Future Warrior wrote:

ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:

Humankind appears to have lost the ability to have made a list that isn't twatty at some point in the past five years. I blame the following three parties:

1 Buzzfeed
2 Myp
3 Buzzfeed

That's better than I'd hoped. I was expecting to be at number one.

You'll never guess who is at number 1! Click this link to be amazed!

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25866

You know, Russell can't change lightbulbs.
Every time one goes he changes it for another, which doesn't work, so he'll change it for a third and fourth and then say that it is the wiring and that we'll have to get an electrician, at which point I put the new bulb in and it works.

Every. Time. Yet still he tries and tries each time.

I do not understand. He'd be bankrupt for electricians fees if I wasn't here.

Mimi · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 25866

Trooper wrote:

Future Warrior wrote:

ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:

Humankind appears to have lost the ability to have made a list that isn't twatty at some point in the past five years. I blame the following three parties:

1 Buzzfeed
2 Myp
3 Buzzfeed

That's better than I'd hoped. I was expecting to be at number one.

You'll never guess who is at number 1! Click this link to be amazed!

Each of those items should have had it's own page with an unrelated picture. We should have had to click an advancing arrow to torturously move between each list point. Whoever made this list doesn't know how lists are done nowadays.

myp · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:25

Also I hate the word 'listicle'. It's meant to be a portmanteau of 'list' and 'article', but it just reminds me of testicle.

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38597

Mimi wrote:

Trooper wrote:

Future Warrior wrote:

ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:

Humankind appears to have lost the ability to have made a list that isn't twatty at some point in the past five years. I blame the following three parties:

1 Buzzfeed
2 Myp
3 Buzzfeed

That's better than I'd hoped. I was expecting to be at number one.

You'll never guess who is at number 1! Click this link to be amazed!

Each of those items should have had it's own page with an unrelated picture. We should have had to click an advancing arrow to torturously move between each list point. Whoever made this list doesn't know how lists are done nowadays.

Each page will also have a banner ad with a fake NEXT arrow.

markg · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 16610

http://www.limmy.com/2014/11/03/10-wors ... g-mishaps/

Kern · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:29

Regarding number 42:

During a surprisingly heated debate amongst friends about what the current procedure was, I requested that were it every necessary to put me in the recovery position, I prefer it that they should just pick one method and go with it, and have the faff afterwards.

MaliA · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:37

Kern wrote:

Regarding number 42:

During a surprisingly heated debate amongst friends about what the current procedure was, I requested that were it every necessary to put me in the recovery position, I prefer it that they should just pick one method and go with it, and have the faff afterwards.

We paid to have a surprisingly pretty lady come around to teach us (and nct people) Baby First Aid. From this I learnt that if The Child chokes, I am to pick up, put over my knee and slap on the back a plastic doll.

I forget most of the details of first aid but doing something is better than nothing I suppose.

GazChap · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:38

Future Warrior wrote:

Also I hate the word 'listicle'. It's meant to be a portmanteau of 'list' and 'article', but it just reminds me of testicle.

A testicle hanging slightly to one side, no less.

MaliA · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:40

Presumably, this list changes from country to country

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

GazChap wrote:

Future Warrior wrote:

Also I hate the word 'listicle'. It's meant to be a portmanteau of 'list' and 'article', but it just reminds me of testicle.

A testicle listing slightly to one side, no less.

Corrected

Kern · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 15:42

MaliA wrote:

Presumably, this list changes from country to country

Is there a list for us singletons? Otherwise, we're never going to acheive 100% and that's discrimation.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 16:18

Future Warrior wrote:

Also I hate the word 'listicle'. It's meant to be a portmanteau of 'list' and 'article', but it just reminds me of testicle.

Or a portmanteau of 'lick' and 'testicle'

Dr Zoidberg · **Joined:** 15th Oct, 2010 **Posts:** 5331

I can confidently say I can do at least 42 of those, which I suspect proves the list is bollocks.

asfish · **Joined:** 5th Dec, 2010 **Posts:** 3353

Trooper wrote:

Anything football related docks me a few points!

Same for me, to hell with the offside rule!

Some are a bit out of date and vague

How to tune in a telly- New ones just do as long as you have an coax inserted

Which way is North- App on IPad!

How to get a car unstuck- From what, snow? Mud? something else?

Not a bad list though and everyone should know some of them.

Grim... · **Posted:** Mon Feb 16, 2015 23:04

MaliA wrote:

A bookmakers have made a list of what every man needs to know. Because everything is now lists and we'll talk about how it isn't right and stuff. Suck it up, Betas.

Quote:

2. Basic DIY
3. How to change a light bulb
8. How to change a tyre
11. How to change a fuse
13. How to put up a shelf
21. How to fix a bike puncture
22. How to jumpstart a car
28. What wires represent earth, live and neutral
34. How to change oil
41. How to fix a toilet
44. Change a battery on a car

I'd say #2 covers all the others.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Feb 17, 2015 2:18

Change a tyre? Never done that myself. Changed wheels though.

Sir Taxalot · **Joined:** 5th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 4750

MaliA wrote:

Kern wrote:

Baby First Aid. From this I learnt that if The Child chokes, I am to pick up, put over my knee and slap on the back a plastic doll.

I forget most of the details of first aid but doing something is better than nothing I suppose.

Choking is my nightmare :'(

I did a baby first aid course too, I was worried I wouldn't know what to do in an emergency. The course helped a little, but I hope I never need to put it to use.

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