Be Excellent To Each Other

Oh FFS. You've made the Craster Scale into a section on Front Row or something. This is not supposed to be part of Mark Kermode's scoring system.

You've been spoilt with tits, is your problem,and you've become immune to them. That's sad, man. Sad. Appreciate the beauty of the mammary.

Is it the Kissyfur Scale? No? Then shut your whore mouth.

You can't change the Craster Scale now. It's like suddenly saying "you know what, we'll make a mile slightly longer".

If Mr Mile was still alive, he could do whatever the fuck he liked with his unit of measurement. Executive privilege, or something.

His brother Nautical already fucked that one up, I believe.

I just installed that to see what it was all about.

Most of the photos that I've been shown on it so far have been of two women stood next to one another, with no way whatsoever of knowing which one the profile belongs to.

I watched the video on the front page of the tinder web site. The app seems to say "Its a match" rather than "It's a match."

P.Diddlies song "I'll be missing you" obviously samples "Every Breath You Take", which no-one asked Sting (who has songwriting credit) about.
Sting took legal action, and now Diddly has to pay Sting 100% of the royalties (which Sting shares with The Police), which are roughly $2,000 per day.

http://dangerousminds.net/comments/stin ... lion_dolla

Ouch.

Great news, more bobbies on the beat.

"HMRC awaits 2.5m more self-assessment tax returns": http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-25928483

I'm one of them, and I'm staring blankly at the HMRC Services homepage, which I've finally managed to log into.

If I can't work out how to use their fucking website, what hope do other people have?

I had to complete them from 2007 to 2010. Where are you stuck?

Jesus. Diddly likes to think of himself as an industry mogul and self made entrepreneur, but that's a shocking amount of stupid right there.

And I was shocked how much those royalties are! Who the hell is still playing that terrible song?

I am here:



But now I'm making progress! I needed to click on "Services you can add", d'uh.

Now it wants my UTR, which apparently isn't what I thought it was.

/cries

It should be on your reminder letter.

I know my UTR, but unfortunately registering for your UTR online is not the same as registering for a password online.

So to do your simple online tax return you need to register online, wait a week to receive your UTR on a freaking letter, then use it to register again, then wait another week to receive your password on another freaking letter. Then finally log on over a fortnight after you started the process.

OH, SUCH A BRAVE NEW ONLINE WORLD!

I am still waiting for the password to arrive.

Tax doesn't have to be taxing.

Is the UTR the Government Gateway thing? Sorry, I was getting confused and thought it was the reminder reference.

It's stupid.

The Government Gateway ID is the most moronic thing I've ever seen in my life. I blame Trooper.

Well, it wouldn't be Lupus if Lupus wasn't so I guess sometimes it's Lupus. This time, however, it's not.

Also: I kind of agree with Craster; you can see it happening, people will be getting boobs into movies just so they can score on the Craster scale. Which on the one hand is fine because, y'know, tits. But on the other...

Sorry, I got distracted thinking about weighing boobs in my hands.

Anyway, on the other hand, you can't rate a movie that has non-contextual, random background tits.

I have a UTR number. I know this because it tells me I already have one when I try to register for one. Obviously it won't tell me what it is.

Why? Are they not tits any more?

Anyway, they don't have to be background - the three-titted lady in Total Recall doesn't count, for example.

The very concept of having to receive two letters to use an online service is insane.

You bunch of slow-pokes. I did my taxes over a year ago.

Fuck all that, I have people who do that for me.

Ha, I spoke to a robot for a while and then spoke to a nice woman called Linda and explained that I seem to have a UTR number somewhere but I didn't know where. Linda told me not to worry, as she could remind me what my UTR was if I told her my NI number and all that. So I did.

Linda is sending me a letter with my URT on.

I only need to do it so I can pay back the child benefit they know they shouldn't have been paying me

(I'm a bit old for child benefit now )

It's fucking ludicrous that they can't automatically work that out and deduct it through PAYE or something. I blame Trooper.

Well, they do work it out, or they wouldn't have been able to tell me I needed to fill in a self-assessment form.

Exactly

It's almost like it's a scam to take 100 quid off a million people.

Oh. That makes less sense. So... Is it now just a scale of tits Craster wants to see?

Now You See Me scored a 1 on the Craster Scale for me, but apparently only for the extended Blu Ray release. How do you factor that in, geniuses?

I think the system should be scrapped completely. It's become a confusing mess.

You should see the new self assessment stuff we are working, via the new IDA service. It's fucking great!

Doesn't help you now though

Online tax assessments or the Craster scale?

Does it involve sending letters through the post? And passwords that AREN'T FUCKING CASE SENSITIVE?

On a tax related issue, after my epic tax bill, I decided to show a little bit more interest in it. I didn't even have my own tax reference number, I'd never done a tax return before and I figured 'it'll all sort itself out in the end'. Apparently, it doesn't; who knew!? So I trawled the income tax website and applied for every single thing I could that I could get tax relief on or increase my personal allowance. There's loads of stuff! I had no idea! I'm still waiting for them to say whether I can have any of it, mind you.

I can't be arsed with the online self assessment stuff though, I'll just fill in the paper copy and be done with it.

Move to a country that will do it for you. Like the UK.

I think I'd rather spend ten minutes filling in a form and keep more of my money, thanks.

That's a personal allowance of £9,500; 10% on amounts up to £10,500 and 20% over that, fact fans.

The tax man keeps tryign to give me money back. They messed up the last two tax years overcharging me by about £1000, and then sorted it out with this year's PAYE code. I then had to register for self assessment to pay the child benefit back, and as a result of that they'e decieded they owe me another £1500...

Chinese food suppliers in today at work. They brought a dragon along. I am eating kung po pork belly and noodles.

Hate you.

Yesterday I was touching really hot stuff to see how hot it was and how long I could hold it for. Metal at 120C with a thin covering of cardboard was, unsurprisingly, very hot. The engineer wearing thermally-resistant gloves was a giveaway, as was the grin.

Today we're setting fire to things.

This is rather excellent, two pensioners send letters to musicians querying their lyrics...and the musicians reply.

(The response from Fish regarding Sugar Mice is a corker)

http://www.wilfturnbull.co.uk/

I did too & then I had all sorts of LOLZ when they decided my NI number wasn't right

Wow, Amanda Knox is getting hotter with age.

She looks like a frumpy librarian. Meredith, the girl she's been found guilty of murdering, would likely be much prettier now, if she was still alive.

You must have some funny looking Manx librarians.

Shall we play the good picture/bad picture game again?