Be Excellent To Each Other

People ask for this ALL the time. It is vague and loose and can lead to disappointment. There are a lot of trimmings, you know. So the official top 5 trimmings are as follows:

Roast potatoes - First on the list for any roast dinner. Crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside, rated by those in the know as the most up-market and stylish of potato variants.

Pigs in blankets - Meat wrapped in meat. What an amazing, amazing piece of culinary brilliance.

Pork, sage and onion stuffing - compliments the other pig-based trimmings nicely, but still has time for veg and herbs. Classy.

Gravy - Moisture. Turkey is mostly dry and gravy is wet. A match made in heaven.

Boiled Cabbage - Simplicity is the key to quality vegetables. You don't need slow roasted, honey-glazed, lightly salted panache of yam. Just bung cabbage in a pot of water and let it crack on. Not too soft though.



I know what is happening right now. The ill-educated among you are disagreeing. Putting to the side that you are wrong, I will address the obvious bones of contention.

The first being Brussels sprouts. They aren't actually that nice, they are just traditional. I don't mind them, but if I was stuck on a desert island for the rest of my life with one set of roast turkey with all the trimmings, sprouts would not make the grade.

The Second being Gravy. Is it a trimming or a human right? It is a trimming. I work in market research and did an extensive study into this and people all agree that it is a trimming. Think about it. It is.

That is all.

WTFF? This is surely taking up space where there could be either more meat or something green but not fucking horrible, like peas.

Peas you can get away with at a push. As long as you don't slowly marinade them in a sublime of demousche sauce with an orange zest repeal. Cabbage would be smarter though.

errr yorkshire pudding?

Substitute the boiled cabbage for braised red cabbage, and you're on a winner. You can also add bacon bits or pancetta to it for extra win.

Yeah, this

With turkey? You fucking MONSTER.

Pretty sure that last sentence doesn't need to be stated.

Kind of missing the point on simplicity being key here. You might as well throw in a flambeed hepburn of lobster with a creamy winchester sauce?

Indeed, why not. That sounds awesome

If simplicity was key you could just lob some uncooked grass onto the plate and declare it done.

There are probably places that would charge £10 for such a thing.

Braised red cabbage is hardly going to trouble Masterchef!

We've clearly been watching different Masterchefs.

Don't confuse simple with minimal. With great simplicity comes great portion size.

I have been watching the Australian one, as it's way better than the UK one.

Here's my 2012 Christmas menu.

Breakfast: baked German apple pancake.



Lunch starter: home-cured gravlax with dill sauce and home-made rye crispbread.



Main course: roast goose with pan gravy (because fuck turkey). Parsnips and potatoes roasted in goose fat. Chantenay carrots glazed with maple syrup and thyme. Pigs in blankets. Homemade cranberry sauce with rum and winter spices.



(I forget what we had for dessert. Something luxurious I expect.)

What is pan gravy?

Gravy made from the pan drippings of the roasted meats i.e. proper gravy and not fucking Bisto.

That looks very arty, Doc, but Christmas dinner should be served on a 16" diameter plate and the food should entirely cover the surface of said plate and be stacked to a height of no lower than 8".

I must also point out the above portion size is for photographic purposes only, like when the front of your Digestives shows two biscuits with a passive-aggressive "serving suggestion" in the small print. After taking the picture I filled my extra-large plate until I could barely lift it.

FakeEdit -- heh, I wrote this while Mimi was writing her above post.

"Gravy", then

Although "fucking Bisto" sounds interesting.

I'm pretty sure my Christmas roast plate will be infrared to Doc's ultraviolet, in the spectrum of 'greedy bastardness and don't give at toss how it looks' stakes.

I have my own 'special plate' (c.20" radius to avoid the meat -v- veg real estate issue) upon which I load *vast*, disorganised swathes of roast turkey (leg and breast, natch), duckfat roasties, mash (oh yeh), sprouts, peas, red cabbage, home made sage, onion and forcemeat stuffing balls, pigs-in-blankets, baby carrots, honey roasted parsnips and a half-gallon of super-rich gravy. Oh, not forgetting the English mustard and copious bread sauce - all washed down with 1er Chablis. This is collectively, and affectionately known as the "Ghia X spec" around these parts.

Mrs C does the best Christmas Lunch known to mortal man.

Our meal ususally has the following:

Turkey
Beef
One other meat
Roast potatoes
Boilled baby new potatoes
Mash potato
Rice and Peas
Boilled cabbage
Boilled sprouts
Boilled cauliflower
Tinned peas
Boilled carrots
Raw Carrots
Roast parsnips
Pigs in blankets
Yorkshire Puddings
Stuffing
Gravy
Mint Sauce
Apple/cranberry sauce

I think that's everything!

Malc

The bacon off the top of the turkey.

Ah yes!

and some butter melted on the baby new potatoes!

Not everyone has all of that! Although my wife and sisters-in-law will have a good go.

I missed out frozen peas too!

Malc

Takon!

*Looks in pants*

Hell yeah.

Is Sharp Suit Cras's inner thin person?

There is absolutely nothing that Yorkshire pudding doesn't go with, you lunatic. I have it with fry ups when I get the chance.

That baked apple pancake looks awesome! Any chance of the recipe?

Agreed.

I'm with the Doc on geese vs turkeys, but he might as well be eating duck if that's the portion size

... & I'm with the folk that mentioned yorkies. They go with anything that has gravy!

They go awesome with golden syrup too.

Oooooh yes do they. That was the bestest afters when a kid - the leftover yorkshire batter cooked up and covered in golden syrup.

Sure! I think this quantity serves two. Maybe.

70 g (1/2 cup) unbleached all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon sugar
1/2 teaspoon baking powder
pinch of sea salt
4 large eggs
1 cup whole milk
28 g (2 Tbsp) melted butter
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
60 g (1/4 cup) butter
50 g (1/4 cup) brown sugar, twice
1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon ground nutmeg
1 large apple, cored and cut into thin slices

In a large bowl, mix the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Mix in the eggs until combined. Stir in the milk, followed by the melted butter, vanilla and nutmeg. Let the batter rest for 30 minutes to an hour.

Preheat an oven to 220°C. On the stove, melt the butter in a large 10-inch cast-iron or oven-safe skillet over low heat, and use a brush to coat the sides of the pan.

Meanwhile, combine 1/4 cup of brown sugar with the cinnamon and nutmeg. Sprinkle the mixture over the bottom of the skillet and then line the pan with slices of apple. Sprinkle the remaining 1/4 cup of brown sugar over the apples. Turn up the heat to medium-high and let the pan sit for a few minutes until the brown sugar starts to bubble.

Remove the pan from heat, and gently pour the batter over the apples. Place the pan in the preheated oven and bake for 15 minutes, then reduce the heat to 190°C and bake for 10 more minutes or until the pancake is a deep golden brown and a toothpick inserted in the pancake comes out clean.

Remove from heat and slide a rubber spatula around the edges to loosen the pancake from the sides. Serve hot or warm. Leftover pancake can be wrapped in aluminum foil and refrigerated for up to 2 days, then reheated at 150° for 15 - 20 minutes.

Make double the amount to be sure.

That would be my advice.

Again, I stress, that's just the portion I took a picture of. I ate a shitload more. I cooked a 4 kg goose for two of us that year

surely with everything?

"Pan fried" is another one that makes no sense. It just means "fried", from what I can figure, in a "frying pan"

Differentiates from deep fried I guess, but yes. Pretty meaningless.

More adjectives = posher food, innit.

"Griddle pan fried on each side in vegetable oil" would be a good one.

Sort of on the subject of posh food, I've got the wife and I a table at Dinner for Christmas (on the 27th January, if you follow me). Quite looking forward to it.

Supposed to be excellent. Obviously his meat fruit aren't as good as mine. With or without innuendo.

Set an extra place at the Christmas dinner table Malc, I may just turn up!

Wait - roasties, new potatoes, and mash. Tinned peas and frozen peas. Boiled carrots and raw carrots.

Most indecisive household ever?

And rice and peas!

raw carrot?

Also:



None of these things are improved by boiling, or "boilling".