Dear Beexers,
It’s been two weeks since I was elected as a mod and I want to thank you for choosing the obvious choice in leadership for our beloved forum. Nothing is more important to me than the smooth running of this fantastic website and I can’t do it without your help.
Whilst I have noticed plenty of good practice in my time here, I have also noticed a number of bad habits which will no longer be tolerated and will be addressed at your next performance review. These will be scheduled in the next 6 weeks by myself and your line manager.
In the mean time, I have put together a set of rules to bring cohesion to the day to day running of the forum. They may seem radical, but they’re for the good of you all and will clearly help us to attract new members and create a positive workplace moving forward.
We must be seen to be keeping ahead of the national trends in forum activity and will only thrive with the dedicated commitment of all members. With this in mind, along with your £2 a month subscription fee, you will be required to read and understand the following rules.
1) No writing on the walls.
2)
You must keep your desk tidy at all times.3)
Pirate type jokes should only be made on designated pirate days4)
Video nasties are now banned5)
As part of Beex, you waiver any right to start a rival forum.. even if it is dedicated to meat6)
You must not try to kill other Beexers7)
I repeat, pirate jokes should only be made on designated pirate days. Come on people, this is a simple rule!
All jokes made by mods are automatically to be entered into POTW’s9)
Showering should be confined to the showering area, not the BBQ area10)
Don’t park like a cunt11)
Talk of the weather should be kept to threads about the weather unless you have Laura Tobin to talk about it… She’s lovely.12)
Satnavs will be mandatory once you have a fully paid up membership.13)
You must not prepare so much meat that you can’t see the base of the pan they’re presented in.14)
Politics jokes should be humorous, and not laboured.15)
Designated wanking areas are clearly marked and all signs should be adhered to. If in doubt, ask a fellow wanker.16)
You will not talk of reincarnating extinct species17)
All dancing should only be performed whilst wearing the special dancing hat. To obtain said hat, please refer to the user manual you were given on day one.18)
You will not compare apples and oranges.19)
Sleeping on trampolines is strictly forbidden.20)
Sting and Police songs are forbidden from being talked about and played.21)
Harming animals is not permitted.. no matter how small and dumb.22)
For your own safety, all members should keep away from Malia between the hours of 9am and 5pm.23)
Real names are boring. Everyone needs to change their name to their forum name by October 1st.24)
My browsing habits are none of your business.25)
No fat chix.26)
Robots are not a solution to anything as they don’t earn enough to pay the £2 a month membership fee.27) Obey all the rules.
I’m sure that all members will agree that the rules listed are easy to adhere to and will result in a happier environment for the normal discussions to take place.
Alongside all the good news, there is some bad and unfortunately I have noticed several acts of gross misconduct which can no longer be tolerated. The following perpetrators will be escorted from the premises immediately and will have their forum membership revocked. These members are Grim…, Malia, Kern, Curiosity, Zaphod79, Davpaz, Cras, Goddess Jasmine and Ramsea. I’m sure the rest of us will wish them well with their future endeavours.
Yours,
TheVision
Mod.
P.S. There's also going to be a rule about the time Mods can post Beex Weex but you'll have to wait until the clock in my car is fixed for that.
By reading this post you are agreeing to observe all the rules and have already had your direct debits set up.
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