Be Excellent To Each Other

I've got some people coming round to give me a quote on a new boiler this weekend.

Wish me luck!

Dead thread please x

Good lcujk!

Not telling you how to live your life, but it might be an idea to buy a boiler and have it delivered. Then, call a gas man and say "Sort it!" and thy will be done. Had I done this, I would have paid considerably less than what I did.

That's not a bad idea.. I might suggest that this weekend, see what the man says.

Then I'll do the opposite.

Someone I work with has called in sick today, on a Friday. The management team have spoke to the garage because he's got a pool car at the moment with a tracker.

It seems that he hasn't been to bed yet and has been driving around all night, stopping for 5 or 10 minutes at a time in "undesirable" locations.

He knows that there's a tracker in his car yet he's still playing the fool? Monday morning should be interesting!

He's delivering drugs and/or hookers in a company car? Awesome.

Yes, it is awesome if you don't value your job but less awesome when everyone else is having to do his work and probably making less money than he is today.

Still.. nice bloke so I can't complain.

Might have had his car stolen?

That's a possibility but judging by previous... I wouldn't have thought so. Besides, if it was stolen then he would have to report it straight away.

Good idea Columbo but back to the drawing board I'm afraid.

Maybe he volunteers at a soup kitchen or a needle exchange?

He could be a keen milkman?

I'll pass all these suggestions on to him... He's going to need some excuse when he's confronted about it.

If he's ill in bed and he *has* had his car stolen... how would he know?

I've just spoken to someone else that saw him waiting at some lights at 8:45 this morning.. The plot thickens!

His daughter has been kidnapped and is about to be sold into white slavery, only he has a particular set of skills?

He hasn't got a daughter and he's black. Guess again.

Perhaps ill with a fever he put on some Marvin Gaye and agreed with the soul-master that it would be a good idea to get some 'sexual healing' as the Lemsip wasn't working.

Please, please, please keep us updated on this. T'is awesome.

Superhero

Timetraveller

He's trying to find a buyer for Liam Neeson's daughter? The car may come back in worse shape than it went out.

The funny thing is that he knows he's got a tracker on his car... well, I think he knows.

He had his normal lease car taken to the garage to have his brakes done last week. While there, they discovered a load of vodka bottle lids, a rounders bat, cigarette stains and a broken wing mirror. Personnel have got involved with that and I believe there's a disciplinary looming.

Meanwhile, he's given a pool car. The next day the garage manager called him and asked him to slow down as he'd been clocked doing 70 in a 50 and 50 in a 30. My colleague thought that the garage was trying to scare him so took no notice.

Of course I probably shouldn't be typing all this here so if anyone asks.. It wasn't me.

He is a spy.

Iranian terrorists are threatening to set off a nuclear bomb and they're holding his daughter hostage until he kills a visiting Israeli bomb defusal specialist who is the only person who could defuse it, although what he doesn't know is that the Iranians have actually been smuggled into the country by the Prime Minister who thinks that they are only threatening to set off the bomb so that he can save the day and increase his credibility but what he doesn't know is that the Iranians are actually on the payroll of the Russian Government who have been secretly taken over by an american arms company which is run by his brother to trigger a new world war so that he can sell more guns, ironically through an agreemeent with the Prime Minister, and he's getting all the information of where his daughter is hiding from the woman SAT ON THE DESK NEXT TO YOU who always goes rogue whenever he does because she trusts him but also has a little bit of love for him?

I hope he's careful.

Can't you use keyhole satellites to monitor him in real time? Also, I recommend monitoring email chatter using data mining protocols.

Of course, the first step is to check for the handgun taped under his desk, because you will probably need that when two men in suits come walking into your office and asking questions.

boop boop wee-oooh

Is he Chechen?

Post more updates pls.

Is he getting too old for this shit?

Should be over by tomorrow, then.

This is most entertaining!

I haven't got any further updates apart from the cigarette smoking in his car (did I mention that? I think I did..) was not tobacco but weed apparently. The plot thickens!

Is he two days away from retirement, when he and his lovely wife are going to sail around the world in the boat he has been painstakingly restoring?

That tracker is amazing - it must be syphoning the air vents.

I'm glad beexweex is out of the way already, as I'm pretty sure there's a fair few noms for next week already!

Ahh, I see what you did there. No, it was his original car that went in to be repaired that had the smell in it. The car he had in the meantime was the pool car with the tracker.

Do keep up.

Don't worry, you'll still be getting Noms until around Thursday.

And have a gas chromatograph in there.

I still am you bastard!

Let the flood gates open!

Unrelatedly, do you know what is weird?

Nasal douching.

I have to do it because of my knackered sinuses, and it is so damn weird.

You douche.

How do you do it?

Using a douchebag.

I don't tilt my head to the side.

But yeah, at low pressure it sends saline up one nostril, into the sinuses, and then out the other nostril.

Bloody weird.

Do you do the creepy dead eyed stare?

Isn't that yer one from stargate? The picture, not TheVision's colleague.

$400 poker win get.

This almost makes up for all the friday nights where I've 'won' but been effectively working for $2 an hour.

Dick. Tonight has been a night of poor blackjack.

Of course you lost. I wasn't there.

Somehow managed to miss my basket and dropped a bottle of beer on the floor in the local Tesco's. The staff were very nice about it and I didn't have to pay for it (I had by this time turned a bright shade of crimson). Nobody seemed to mind the loud cry of 'FUCK!' as it slipped through my fingers either.

LOTS of very pretty girls out on bikes around Ilkley this morning. Lovely. I looked awesome, too.