BEING BILL KERMANAfter Jebediah became the first Kerbal to achieve stable orbit, Bill set his sights higher - a lot higher.
"Go to the Mun!" said his friends - but Bill still thought that was too easy. He decided the only destination for a real challenge was the outer moon Minmus.
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BEHOLD THE MOONEY SHOT! This pile of cheap components was going to shoot Bill off the planet in mere seconds, and then take him all the way to the outer reaches of space. Bill hopped in, and the Mooney Shot was dragged to the launch pad.
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Whoosh! Bill shot off the pad, a ball of flame trailing behind him. Only a few seconds later, it was time to dump the booster rockets.
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With those tubs of lard finally gone, the Mooney Shot finally started to become maneuverable, and Bill quickly set up a 100,000m orbit around Kerbal.
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After a small course correction, it was time to dump the secondary rocket too. Bill and his little landing module would be alone in space for a long, long time.
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Now, there wasn't much to do but wait.
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Bill was a very, very long way from home. But, out of his window...
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Minmus!
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After some fiddling with vectors, Bill became the first Kerbal to set up a stable orbit around a foreign object. Now, all he had to do was park his tub on the surface.
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Totally overshooting his desired landing spot and burning way too much fuel, Bill had to set it down on a rocky hill, with no real idea of what his altitude above sea level would be when he touched down.
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Well, the landing gear had worked, which was a bit of a relief.
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OMG, it's happening!
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ZOMG, IT'S HAPPENING!
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HE DID IT!
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Wasting no time, Bill hopped out, set up his tripod, and took the picture that was going to have him knee-deep in pussy for the rest of
time.
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Irritatingly, his ladder didn't work, but Bill had a jetpack to make sure he could get back into the Mooney Shot.
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With hardly any fuel left, Bill escaped Minmus' gravity influence and set a course for home.
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On the wrong side of the planet, Bill burnt off the last of his fuel in a desperate attempt not to land in the middle of the ocean.
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All too soon, the fuel was spent. Bill jettisoned the lander, and crossed his fingers. Not only was he damned close to landing in the drink, but he was coming in at an insane speed. He maneuvered his capsule arse-down toward the planet and did his straps up tight.
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AAAAAARRRRRGGGGHHH!
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Finally, the insane g-force leveled out, and Bill popped his chute.
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Night fell as Bill set foot on Kerbal again, his suit lights shining on his tiny home for the past few days.
Now... Where the fuck was he?
_________________
Grim... wrote:
I wish Craster had left some girls for the rest of us.