Be Excellent To Each Other

There are a bunch of people in a big hot-air balloon at several thousand feet and - OH NO! - it is falling. Falling to the Earth. And in the tradition of these things, nothing can stop it. There are no parachutes. None of the people in the balloon can fly, except technically, and then only in a downward direction. There is no escape, no-one has smuggled about flying equipment or extra supplies of wings. The base of the basket has a design flaw, in which a metric shitload of explosives have been accidentally hardwired to the bottom. Should the balloon touch the ground, all aboard will perish in a fiery death.

But wait! The people in the balloon could be saved! They could be saved if one of the members of the balloon is thrown out each day. The resulting lightening of the load will result in a a short period of safety.

Using my admin powers, I have the ability to forcibly throw someone out of the balloon. That person will be splatted against the landscape - saving the others for a while, at least. But how can I decide which one of you wonderful people should die, so that the others can be saved? Gasp! I can't make that decision!

You have the full range of cunning to help yourself - it is a dog eat dog world in that there balloon. Subterfuge, sneakiness and plain unsporting behaviour will be looked on approvingly by the judges. Your only objective is to survive.

Current occupants of the balloon

ComicalGnomes
BlueCup
Dudley
JBR
Bobbyaro
The Rev Owen
Joans
Craster

The Day will end at 10pm this evening. Ish.

I tell you when I get out of this my travel agent is getting SUCH a call.

I hereby rename this vessel, 'Shatner's Balloon'.

*Ties rope around waist, forgets to tie the other end to anything*

You wouldn't throw out a man with glasses, would you?

* Throws Owen's glasses off, thus solving the problem *

Morning all.

*Tips top hat to everyone and then sets it firmly on head*

[vote:ComicalGnomes]

Because you all know it has to be done. There can't be be any argument on this surely?

Hey! Who did that?

Throw the thief overboard!

ComicalGnomes did.

We should probably keep CG in as he possibly has enough hot air to keep us afloat a bit longer.
Also, did none of you notice the explosives when we got in?
Er, of course, I did, but, I was, er, told they were for decoration. That's it, for decoration.

Quite obviously, Dudley needs to go immediately. Why? Because he's a fat git who's weighing us down with his fat weight, and when he's not doing that he's pissing us off with his constant inane wittering about some scottish guy, which I'd rather not be subjected to.

Dudley needs to go to rid ourselves immediately of a big fat annoyance, at which point it'll be a very peaceful rest-of-day.

Wait, what?

*starts waving top hat hat around*

CG needs to go ASAP. It's the only logical choice. Just look at him, look at him!

*Places top hat back on head with a thump*

Friends, we are in a situation. We must keep calm and look to the example of others in doing what needs to be done to rescue ourselves from this dire predicament.

When we do, eventually, break down to the point of cooking and eating one of our own in order to stay alive, I would like to put first dibs in on a leg portion. Oh - wait. Starvation probably isn't the main issue right now, is it? I am feeling a mite peckish though.

As probably the most corpulent of us on this here balloon, I realise I start off on the back foot when it comes to defending my position on this deathtrap dirigible. My mass is more than made up for by the almost constant stream of superheated flatulence that will serve to slow our descent. Also, I am greatly involved in a number of charity works that would suffer from my passing - in particular I am a regular supporter of a hospice for nuns who are no longer able to be raced, due to withering of the fetlocks.

Think of those nuns, people, when you think of me.

I've heard a rumour that CG has rather firm and tasty legs.

And that he races old nuns for fun and profit.

Oh man, if we're throwing out the fattest, I'm doomed.

But I've just found out that I need to find £950 by the end of the month to renew my wife's visa. I won't be able to do that if I'm dead. She needs me! You wouldn't condemn and innocent woman to deportation back to, urk, the United States of America, would you?

I wonder if she can claim asylum? I bet that's free.

Got a life insurance policy?

If you apply for one now you might have to mention you're in a balloon that, regardless of how many people get thrown out, will eventually explode regardless.

Why don't we just fix the fucking balloon? Or call Keanu Reeves to come and disarm the bomb.

I think you should climb under the basket and try and disarm it. Take these 5 bags of flour.

Go on then. You can climb up the side of the balloon with no safety equipment if you like.

No. If I did, I'd be arguing for my own death right now.

Sign this official looking document - it guarantees you a £1,000,000 payout in the event of your death by significant falling. Ignore the fact that it appears to have been entirely written in jam.

Srry, cant tlk. Mff full ef paper. Mmmmm... jm.

The Rev Owen, I'm afraid I have heard a horrid rumour that CG has...

*takes off top hat solemnly*

...made advances on your dear wife.

It is of course just a rumour but, you know, there is no smoke without fire.

[vote:ComicalGnomes]

Fisticuffs!

The maintenance crew are on a very long tea break. And when there is one person left in the balloon, they will swing into action.

That's just crazy talk. This man is a crazy man, a Crazy man. Do you want to spend your final days with a crazy man?

I sure don't.

Calm now, fellow balloon denizens. Any rough stuff will serve only to accelerate our descent.

I think for now Craster should stay, so long as the wind blows and he promises to face away from me. However, we will need to be sure there are enough of us to still throw him out should we find we're still sinking having removed the least deserving. I, of course, am thoroughly deserving of staying because I brought the hamster - look at his little cheeks!

[vote:JBR's hamster]. Every little helps.

* Experimentally chucks a Wispa off the side *

ComicalGnomes! Fetch!

You don't want to hear the rumour I heard about CG and hamsters.

If you know what I mean.

Throw out the hamster and see if CG chases it.

We do seem to have an awful lot of non human content on this balloon.

This anchor for instance, isn't it shiney?

That's not an anchor, it's Bobbyaro.

Eek! *drops*

Ere, Bobbyaro - Dudley just called you an 'anchor.

Your bumbling attempts to have me thrown from the balloon are pitiful. Also nobody ever said that voting was actually going to work, so while you might be wasting plenty of energy trying to get me alighted, be assured it's a fruitless endevour.

With that being said, Dudley has become no less annoying than he was earlier, and I'd quite like to see the prety pattern he'll make on the ground when I throw him overboard.

I would like to help you in that endeavour. As we are currently still quite high up, I recommend that you throw Dudley out, then I'll throw you out shortly after, so you can get a good (if brief) look at the mess.

I've heard this rumour that CG is, in fact, non human and would in fact survive a large drop from, let's say, a hot air balloon. Therefore based on this I would go as far and say it's is 100% safe to throw CG out and no harm will occur to anyone. Which is surely the best result for everyone involved.

*Brushes some lint off top hat*

The only throwing out will be done by me. With the walls of the basket so high, you'll need the remote control for the Super Mega Actuating Springboard. And the PIN to trigger it.

Attempts to usurp the power of the mods by throwing people overboard yourselves will result in Springy Displeasure.

Votes are good, though.

If that is the case o'mighty overlord Plissken I think you will find that we are all in agreement that we would like to see CG be chucked over the side.

I think a revolver with a single bullet would be more entertaining.

Hammy has twitched his nose at CG several times. Given the pong coming from Craster that surely has to be significant, yes?

I think you're missing the point slightly - our agreement is largely irrelevant. We need to persuade the pantheon of invisible witnesses of the righteousness of our actions.

Well then in this case surely we need do nothing?

*Tips top hat to one side*

Ah, but am I?

*cheeky wink*

You need to justify yourself. Why should you be kept up here, Duds? What is your worth, your intrinsic value, the contribution you make to the world. What is your contribution to us, right here right now, on this balloon? Why are we better off with you as a passenger than as a smear? Hmm? HMMM?

It seems clear to me that, like Scott, Obi Wan Kenobi and Jesus Christ, one of you needs to do the honourable thing and volunteer for this as a benefit to us all.

As a Jewish Priest, of Muslim descent, I feel that I am capable of giving the last rights to anyone who requires it as you step up to the plate, throw down the gauntlet, face your fears like the man you are, and take that last, one giant leap for mankind. An appropriate quote in Shatner's Balloon, "the needs of the many, outweigh the needs of the few."

I wish you all well on your respective journeys, and my thoughts are with you all.
God Bless.

Surely the good shepherd should lead by example which then allows the flock to fully understand your meaning.

Practise what you you preach and all that.

*straighten top hat after a gust of wind made it crooked*

I'm throwing bluecup's hat off. Who's with me?

I'm the repairman on my tea break, so don't throw me out.