Be Excellent To Each Other

Beex Odds

4x4's - 2/1
Your Mum - 7/2
Cock - 15/1
('Linda Barker' - Ed) - 50/1
Mini Metros - 100/1

Toilet photography techniques.

I've eaten too much tasty food so far today For breakfast I had 2 slices of back, a hash brown, a sausage, a fried egg, some baked beans and a cappicino. Gor lunch I had a cajun chicken burger (3 goujons in a bun, with cheese on top) and bbq sauce and some chips and mayonnaise. YUMMY. v. sleepy now, mind you.

Fatty.

First thing is wrong. It should read "I've eaten too much tasty food so far today", as normally, i have a chese sarnie for lunch. my body will get confused, or something.

Feex

I believe that his particular fetish for posting those is best ignored lest he be encouraged.

According to Viz, if one carefully angles the camera to catch the reflection of the toilet pan water just at the critical moment whilst defecating, the resultant bum-and-turd reflected image closely resembles that of the great Winston Churchill smoking a cigar.

Please, please, please do not give him any ideas.

Mrs T had to do the usual bullshit personality and capability tests for her new job today. 8 minute test of do you like a or b, churns out a 12 page report stating her favourite colour and how often she murders for fun etc... You know the sort.
She scored ok on most stuff in the capability tests, they are still offering her the job at least Even the HR woman was apologising for having to do the tests and that they take no notice of them anyway.

However, they aren't always entirely wrong. Halfway through doing the spatial awareness test, Mrs T realised she had her dress on back to front

MEGAHEH

One for Cavey and his bemoaning of our compensation culture

Even I'm not going to quote it directly, but lllllloooooool etc. Good work mate!

Was it on the right way round before the interview?

HOME TIME!

Have a lovely weekend.

I was just playing Alice's Wonderland on the iPad with my daily free £2.50 of credits. I got on the feature and it did its usual 'Welcome to Alice's Wonderland' in a daft Mad Hatter style voice.

AE Jnr misheard it.

'Daddy why did it say elephant's underpants?'

Why does it take my PC 10 minutes from turning on to be able to do something? is it because of the files on the desktop? is it things on startup? I don't know.

What OS? What are your PC specs? Is it all patched and up to date? Is there a load of shit running at startup? What AV software are you running?

Also, how old is the install of Windows?

Windows 7 is a superb OS for not slowing down over time, Vista and XP (especially XP), less so.

OS
MS Windows XP Professional 32-bit SP3
CPU
Intel Celeron E3200 @ 2.40GHz 48 °C
Wolfdale 45nm Technology
RAM
2.0GB Single-Channel DDR2 @ 400MHz (6-6-6-18)
Motherboard
ASUSTeK Computer INC. P5KPL-AM IN/GB (Socket 775)
Graphics
HP w19 @ 1280x1024
HP w19 @ 1440x900
1024MB GeForce 9500 GT (XFX Pine Group) 61 °C
Hard Drives
195GB Seagate ST3200822A (ATA) 30 °C
156GB Western Digital WDC WD1600AAJS-00Z4A0 (IDE) 33 °C
39.1GB Western Digital WDC WD400BB-00GFA0 (IDE)
Optical Drives
TEAC CD-224E USB Device
Audio
VIA High Definition Audio

I have sophos which does not seem to work, the microsoft antivirus, divx player

I got the computer from freecycle.

Well it's a very low-end PC, and if the install of WinXP is getting on a bit then yes it probably will start to crawl somewhat.

Go to Start > Run and type msconfig into the box and press enter.

That should open the System Configuration Utility.

Click on the Services tab and then check the 'Hide all Microsoft services' box, how much stuff is left?

Then click on the Startup tab, how long is the list?

Runs word and stuff, so fine for this use. Fairly long, I'll work through it. Ta. I'll turn things on and off at random and see what happens. Although i have just removed 2 gig of files from the desktop.

Don't turn things off at random through msconfig.

It's basically a nice graphical frontend to completely fuck your PC if you turn the wrong things off.

By all means turn things off in a considered and targeted manner, but make sure you know what they're there for and what they do, first.

Relax, I've programmed robots to clone viral genes into insect cells. It'll be fine.

And that's the last we'll see of Malia until he buys a new PC.....

I might get another freecycle one and plug the hard drives into it. I think my copy of windows began about seven pcs ago. I just obtain new hardware and plug the drives in. Sometimes i might change the case. I use no longer needed bits for my fancy dress box. If it runs office 2010 it is fine, otherwise it goes onto my latest robot costume.

You keep a back up of those ancient drives, right?

I burn two cds worth of stuff every 3 months or so and chuck them into a bag, yeah.

Good-oh.

I found a usb hdd in the cupboard the other day so might work that out. Documents get printed and filed and emailed, photos are on g+ or facebook and cv is consta changing.

The bag i need in case civilisation collapses and i need to leave quickly. It has keys to a speedboat somewhere in wales that bought from a man in manchester for £300 and when i text him he will tell me where it is because if i knew now then other people might find out.

You might want to try out Dropbox.

Cheers, i shall look into that. I think mrsa uses it.

I also have a very much kindly mac g4 in the loft awaiting a psu and hdd and a screen.

Your trolling is weak. You have elicited this response, which is something at least.

Quite. And ironic too, given that houses in the Isle of Man are so cheap given that there's no tax and they're made from ORPHANS' TEARS.

Apropos of nothing i bought camping lager from the co op and could not be botheted to bring it into the house after putting it down to find my keys. Net result is half of it is now at about zero degrees in the porch . And the porch is closer than the fridge at a warmer temp. Win . All around.

Apropos of nothing further, what is the half life of opiates in human males of 50, 65, 74 and 103 kg?

I always forget to back stuff up, but did just load up two previous PC hard drives to my new PC, and rediscovered some awesome porn songs.

Attending a party tonight. Lord knows how i will get home. Red shirt it is.

What? It's true.

No trolling involved, it's just a very undesirable area housing wise, which is why houses are so cheap.

That's our little secret, you see.

I'm a 4 minute walk from a world heritage site, 8 to the train station. From the train station it is 18 minutes to Leeds, 12 to Bradford city centre. 25 minute drive to Skipton, known as the "gateway to the Dales", or a 25 minute train ride to there. Manchester is an hour away, if that, London is about 3, trains permitting. 300 yards from my front door (over the canal and river) is pretty much empty until I get over Ilkley Moor. So do not go spoiling it. We like it this way.

And best of all, there's me.

While 13 year they were unappy about my coming about and taking their ladies. Nowt withstanding they sent thems down to Kernow as girls and we sent them back as women Now, they're unappy about my coming around and making some changes. It's ow it is and if thee and thine be appy to say it isn't worth it, then it ain't be my time to make a ruckus of it.

Me? Love it.

Indeed, the area my dad and brother live in (North Manchester) is a stone's throw away from some gorgeous locations, and the travel connections are superb (Metrolink FTW).

Yet my brother bought a nice three-bed end-terrace house for £55K.

Then again, the area he actually lives in is a fucking shithole, despite the proximity of nice things.

My dad's locale has gone downhill over the years, badly. It used to be a nice working class area, that went wrong when people stopped working.

There's your problem. Lancashire.

See, told you I fit in around here.

Poor lonely malia. Please donate. We will never put a mali down

In the toilet with you!

No, you were just being unpleasant. Yorkshire is a cocktail of lovely and grim, like anywhere.

You can think I was being unpleasant if you want, but that wasn't my intention.

My statement was factual, it's not a desirable area housing wise, which is why houses are cheap.

North Manchester is a cocktail of lovely and grim, but the specific area my brother lives in is a fucking hellhole*, which is why his house cost £55K. The fact that there are gorgeous vistas just a few miles away doesn't help when the local chav army decide to start smashing things up for fun.

* Well OK that's a bit strong perhaps, but it certainly gets unpleasant sometimes.

There you go, all better: