Be Excellent To Each Other

I've always enjoyed bad showbiz autobiographies. From the narcissistic tripe of Tony Blackburn to Bill Oddie's hugely depressing book (he has a breakdown half way through), I pick up the books for pennies and enjoy every last appalling word. However one title eluded me…..


Your career is going well if you have to use a 25 year old picture of yourself on the cover so the public know who you are.

Don Estelle was a singer and starred as Gunner "Lofty" Sugden in It Ain't Half Hot Mum. Via his double act with Windsor Davies he even scored a number 1 chart hit. Although blessed with a powerful singing voice, Don was only 4 foot 9 so any dreams of being a leading man or a global singing star never got off the ground.

When IAHHM finished, the work started to dry up. Between jobs he toured shopping centres singing and selling his self published albums whilst wearing his old costume complete with pith helmet. Then in the late 90's he self published his autobiography, "Sing Lofty - Thoughts Of A Gemini". He was still doing appearances in shopping centres etc until his death in 2003 cutting a sorry sight in a baggy costume that no longer fitted properly.


Don and Windsor Davies performing their novelty 1975 number 1 hit.

Back to the book itself, the clue here is "self published". Don sold his book at personal appearances but not via shops so it is exceedingly rare. Copies have been known to change hands for upwards of £100. My own copy cost £35 and took me 2 years to find (I'd seen copies but at wallet destroying prices and I wasn't willing to pay more).

But why are people clambering to get hold of this book? Well in one word, it's shit. It's easily the worst book I have ever read. Although the credits claim there was a proof reader, there is no actual evidence it was ever proof read. It's littered with typos, the story flits around, and by the end of the book it just becomes a list of venues that Don performed at, including yearly visits to the Spalding Flower Festival.

What does the book reveal about the man? Well actually nothing. He evidently gets married but the first we know of it he's leaving his wife. We don't know her name or anything about the union. He seems to have kids, but the first they get mentioned is at the end of the book where one of them drives him to a venue. He doesn't even reveal his real name until 60 odd pages in.

Don does reveal that he moves house on a seemingly monthly basis. At one stage he says he doesn't want to talk about one disastrous house move only to give a blow by blow account a few pages later.

What about his most famous working role on It Ain't Half Hot Mum? Practically nothing! He thanks the writers but that is pretty much your lot. This despite him being pictured in his costume on the cover of the book!.

Ah, but surely he has some decent showbiz anecdotes? He's worked with a fair few top people including Dudley Moore. Well, no…. The sum total of passable showbiz anecdotes in the book is 2. One of these involves Jim Davidson causing him to corpse on-stage which tells you all you need to know about the quality of the stories. He devotes more time to a right of way dispute he had at one of his houses than he does to decent showbiz stories.

Then there's the bile…. Don has very firm views on the modern entertainment industry and the people who keep him out of work. At various points in the book he launches into tirades against the "morons in tight crutched white trousers" who run the modern entertainment industry.

When Mike Berry got to number 1 in the early 80's with "Sunshine Of Your Smile", Don was "filled with disgust". Why? Well apparently Don had performed this on stage a couple of times and now the success of a number 1 had been robbed from him by Berry. That's harmless Mike Berry who had a string of hits and played Mr Spooner in Are You Being Served covering a song written in 1913! This alone tells you all you need to know about how Don felt about the world!

Not that Don is a bad person. He seems to enjoy his work and creating music. It's not like Ed Stewarts dire book where you just think he's an utter shit who lusts after 13 year old girls (we'll cover that one another day). No, Don seems hardworking and talented but the book is fucking awful and his every thought seems to be occupied by the "tight crutched morons" who deny him work.

The easiest way to get this across is to provide a few quotes:


"….. the tight-crutched, white trousered morons who rule the roost at the moment, with no background or history, know about as much about entertainment as a visiting Martian. Hundreds of 'entertainers' look like they've come from space. They lack warmth or feeling. There are those who sound as if they are swinging from their genitals, if they have any sex gender at all."

"Insults and downright rudeness, and suggestive sex garbage which reflects their stinking minds. The sicker it is, the more the tight-crutched morons in white pants called producers like it."

"Andy Warhol summed up the shallow world of TV best when he said quote 'Their fifteen minutes of fame on television"'unquote." - he's not only botched the quote but feels the need to say "quote" and "unquote".


And life in general:

"Society needs things today that it never needed years ago, because of progress"

"While in Southport I bought a new Rover 3.5. It was a great car and although it was thirsty I had it about eight and a half years and covered 250,000 miles".


Don also has a love of Rochdale Town Hall, which he considers "the finest in the country". High praise indeed.


Don in the 1990's performing in a shopping centre.

So why buy the book if its so awful? Well the unintentional laugh out loud funniness of it. It's crap, it's awful. It's like watching a movie so bad its good. It takes the rotten showbiz autobiography to a new low. Don rages against rejection whilst reflecting on how shit the modern world is. The fact it changes hands for so much money just reflects what a boggle eyed crazed read this is. If you see a copy, grab it!


Rotten Book Rating: 998 Bananas

Yay Chinny!

Brilliant. I shall look for it.

Awesome.

I saw you mention this on Twitter a couple of times and I kept meaning to ask you about it, but there's no need now.. It sounds brilliant. I bet there's hundreds of folk like him with similarly bitter tales to tell.

I've read a fair few bitter and shit autobiographies but this one takes the biscuit. For the main it's dull, but Don has an unwitting way of making you laugh out loud when he is at his most deadly serious.

I wrote most of this review a while back when I read the book but had nowhere to put it. But as I'm back back back I finished it off this evening and posted it.

For those who want a copy, good luck! Rare as hens teeth. When it does crop up if the person selling it knows what it is then it commands a high price.

If you want a book almost as bad but cheap, try Ed Stewarts fucking awful autobiography "Out Of The Stewpot". I got a copy from Amazon for 2p + P&P. I will review that another day but I urge everyone to get a copy. It gets really interesting when he starts lusting after the 13 year old daughter of a friend (he's in his mid 30's and goes on to marry her). Unlike Don, you just end up hating "Stewpot" after reading his book. Don you just feel sorry for.

I enjoyed reading this review, but I can't see myself wanting to be any more interested in what seems to be quite a bitter person.

Chinny???

First review on amazon.

No.

The Ed Stewart book has been singled out for being shit for years. Danny Baker ripped it to shreds at launch:

http://soreeyes.org/archive/2005/06/05/stewpot/

Baker has raved about Stewart's and Estelle's books for years so alot of people have sought them out.

However much time you devoted to writing that it was more than worth it.

It sounds like Alan Partridge's autobiography only the person writing it does actually think like that.

Surely I'm not the only one who hears Alan Partridge's voice when I read this?

Danny Baker directly asked Coogan if he'd read either book on his Radio 5 show last year. Sadly not. Of course it doesn't mean the co-writers hadn't.

Dan is an avid collector of such tat. I am a mere beginner!

That reminds me that I must pick up his autobiography...not that he mentions it much on his twitter feed.

To be fair at least he has an entertaining feed and uses it all the time instead of just when he wants to plug something.

True, he can be quite ranty on the old twitter.

He's got a load of records out "Lonely wine" being an excellent title. They're the sort of thing I'd see for sale at the Wurlitzer music shop in Skegness.

If you want bad album covers Don is your man: