Be Excellent To Each Other

Some anti-social bastard has decided there's nothing wrong with emptying his dog at the back of our house.

The lane that runs down the back of our row of houses is used as a dog-walking alley, and in all fairness pretty much all the owners pick up the poo and take it away with them, which is fine.

However, since I cut back the hedge (the C6 is so big it needed more room than the Scooby) this has left a strip of grass/weeds about a metre long and maybe two and half metres wide at the back of our house, and a dog has clearly taken a liking to this patch of land as its toilet.

It's obviously the same dog as all its shits look the same, and a fresh one appears every two or three days. I've put a polite sign on the bin asking whoever is letting their dog foul there to pick up, but to no avail.

I rang the Commissioners and they have added the location to the town warden's patrol, and indeed I have seen him down the back lane fairly regularly with his hi-vis jacket on, but obviously unless he catches them in the act this won't help either.

It's a real nuisance as it basically makes it impossible to walk round the back of the car to the passenger side, without stepping in horrible dog shit (and it fucking stinks as well, properly minging).

A mate at work suggested getting a load of weedkiller down to basically make the patch of land 'scorched earth', as this will be a lot less appealing to the dog. I've done that but it's the wrong time of year for weedkiller and after three days it doesn't appear to have made much difference either.

So what other options do I have?

I don't want to put anything down there that will harm the dog, it's not its fault that its owner is a scummy anti-social bastard, but I really do want to stop it wanting to shit there.

Any ideas?

(I am toying with the idea of getting a motion-sensing webcam or similar up in one of the back windows of the house.)

Sit out there all day in a chair with beers and a shotgun and politely say "get off ma land" when the offender comes back.

Wait until his dog does a shite, stab it with a stick & chase him up the lane with it.

Made me do an big laugh.

Absolutely fucking disgustingly, the same fucking dog has fucking shit there again whilst me and the family were out for the afternoon.

It can't be a very healthy dog because it's more like diarrhoea than well formed turds, and by christ it absolutely fucking stinks.

Webcam/CCTV time, both motion sensing and IR - there is no other way.

Maybe a £1000 fine will give them something to think about.

Just stand out there all day. Surely the easiest and cheapest way.

I will get technology to do it for me, plus technology records evidence.

You sitting there will stop them doing it.
Either that or get a crocodile.

How do you know it's not a cat if it's runny shit?

Either way I hope you catch the bastard. No need for it.

It's one big cat if it's cat shit

I had a similar sort of problem with slugs in our kitchen. One night I wrote out some post-it notes with phrases such as "Slugs? No thanks!", "Slugs go home." and "While you're here, I'm riding your slug lady." and left them dotted around the kitchen floor.

Haven't had one since. True story.

Nickachu is desperate for AE to sit outside all day. I think he's planning to rob the house.

Is it possible that it's cat shit? How big is the average cat shit? I thought cats didn't shit in such an ostentatious manner?

Here is a lovely montage of shit pictures that I've just taken. (Top left is the fresh one.)

Shit in the lane so that they need to step in it to get to your grass.

Cats do indeed do small poos. Also cats prefer to use soil areas not vegetation/lawn that is the preference of the canine.

Saying that just seen your pictures and that looks like Cat Poo.

Would be helpful to have a sense of scale though, could you stick 10p down and retake?

Yeeesss... it was the cat..
\

I reckon Dimrill is spot on with that... I've had similar on my front lawn once or twice. Bloomin' stinks too!

I'm not sure we have foxes on the Isle of Man.

I don't know why I think that, mind.

It was a seal then. Or a walrus.

BLOODY FOXES.

In all fairness I can't expect them to read the sign. I AM POWERLESS!

Put some chilli down. You can get sprays for to stop dogs and cats, but I didn’t find they work that well. Not sure how it works with dogs, but once a cat finds a place to piss or shit it’s hard to get them away from it.

We have a door mat on the hall as you step in from the porch, a few weeks ago I went to my brothers for dinner and stayed over. We left the cat with loads of food but she was upset by us not coming home and pissed on the door mat, (she normally waits for us to come home on this). Now she does it all the time and I’ve had to bin the door mat today and put another one down.

If you end up doing scorched earth put petrol down, it will kill the grass and keep it that way for year and the smell might put the dog off as well.

Sounds like territorial marking from your cat. That is classically done at entrances, normally the main entrance to the house and is often in response to a perceived threat.

Normally another cat.

Can't you just chuck some cheap slabs down to make it less appealing.

my dogs, for some reason shit on the patio in the garden. Stupid animals.

CAUGHT IN THE ACT!

It's a bastard cat! I just saw it shitting across the other side of the lane, on a different patch of grass (it appears to have been deterred from shitting at the back of our house since I put enough weedkiller down to deforest most of Vietnam).

It's the same shit, 'cause I went to have a look at it.

I thought cats weren't supposed to be dirty bastards like that?

They have to go somewhere.. Have you tried talking to the cat and explain the private land bit, I am sure it will understand.

Yeah, cats shit everywhere.

Don't do that, once it knows you don't like it, it'll do it even more. Vindictive things cats.

Told you.

Manx cunt.

The cat, not you.

probably will get its mates round...

Mrs AE says it's not a well cat, as they're not supposed to have sloppy shits like that.

I said to her I hope it's something terminal.

I thought of you when I found 2 lumps of fox crap on my lawn this weekend.

H&K MP5

Thats not something I would be admitting to if I were you.

Pervert.

It's not a nice job but someone's got to do it, I needed to be sure that it was the perpetrator.

It might have looked the same but did you do the blind taste challenge?

Can’t don’t always burry their shits, if they can’t find soft ground or have the runs then they won’t do it.

In a Ferrell pack the cats will all burry their shit as a mark of deference to the alpha cat, that’s why they will go in litter trays as they see the owners as alpha’s. So if you garden is seen as its territory it will have no reason to burry.

I’m always finding them on my lawn from the old Tom cats that live a few doors over
Put down some orange peel or some strong citrus cleaning fluids and that should put it off

Or you can put some cat food down and it won’t shit there as they don’t tend to crap where they have food

In my experience, they don't work. Indeed, it seemed to work as a cat attractor.

My one worked really well.

A brick and a plastic bag would be cheaper.

You are "Dr" Gillian McKeith AICMFP.

Apropos of nothing, I find it impossible to read the title of this thread without the tune of "How do you like your eggs in the morning" by Dean Martin running through my head.



Now you do too, you're welcome.

Nah, the rhyming pattern is all wrong.

It's goes better with Whittney Houston's 'How will I know'.

You're welcome.

Nah, the wording goes out too quickly for that to work.

How about "How do you do what you do to me" by Gerry and the Pacemakers?

You're welcome.

Nah, I'm sticking.

You need to sing it as:
"How d'you deter,
a dog from shit-ting...."

Also:

I say a prayer with every dog bark
I step in shite whenever I park
I'm asking BeeX what you know about these things
How will I know if it's thrutching at me
I try to phone but It's a manx cat (can't speak)
Falling in shite is all sickly sweet
This stench's so strong that's why I feel weak

Very clever.