Be Excellent To Each Other

I'm sure that was tongue-in-cheek.

I don't disagree. I just don't think that good game protects the developer from criticism of a poor port.

One would hope so.

Is my credibility round here that bad?

What credibility?

What's credibility precious?

Just got beaten to death by a knight armed with a giant metal penis. WIN.

Heh. He's rather fun, if youre talking about the guy at the bottom of the steps. Bastard hard with early game equipment, mind.

Havel the Rock! He's tough even when you're badass later!

That's pretty much my character's whole outfit, sans big cock of course, I was rocking the Halbard till the bitter end.

Strip off, then stick and move, kid. Stick and move!

I'm tempted to play this again before the DLC arrives to mop up some cheevos, but I don't know whether to continue with my NG+ or start fresh. Is everything reset in NG+? I kinda upset (killed) a few merchants...

Show him a screen with a backlight, he'll double over in agonising eye pain. Then kick him in the balls.

merchants are reset.
youll keep fire status, weaponry and level, covenant, most items (no keys, and a few rings DISAPPEAr, i think.)

ans some achievements require 2.5playthroughs on one save, too.

I came within a whisker of killing him with parries. Damn, that would have been sweet.

You've got balls, son! I just stayed the hell away from him and tickled him to death!

I managed three parry/ripostes in a row. I needed four.

Keep practisicinmg them. Invaluable against EXTREMELY CHEAP SHITTY LAST CUNT.

Are you getting the DLC, Dimrill?

*awaits torrent of abuse*

No. I haven't Robajonned on this game.

You'll be waiting a long time. Didn't you hear Demonoid is dead?

Update on new areas:

Overall: If you like Dark souls, you'll like this. If you don't like Dark Souls, you'll probably like this even less.

Sure this must have been posted before, but:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnUGxY_b00Y

When I finally stopped going round and round in circles in the depths I found the Gaping Dragon, and oh my, it's pretty impressive.

Smashed and stomped me to death though, even with Solaire helping. More practice needed!

Solaire is about as much use in that fight as a lemon. I've not once managed to keep him alive to the end due to the rather baffling death wish he has in it, even with another chap helping me.

You can get Solaire and Lautrec in the Vagina Dragon fight. They both die hard, but they serve to distract it for a while.

Or you can beat everything on your own like a badass (me).

Like a friendless loser, you mean.

Like a post-patch friendless loser, you mean.

Post-patch? I don't even know what that means but I was practically at the end of the game within weeks of release, and only had a few hours of Dark Soulsing to do to complete it a couple of months back.

What did this patch do? When did it arrive? I was at the when I prioritised the LPC! I got a distinction.

It did somewhat allieviate the difficulty.

I didn't notice. What did it do exactly?

Had you been through the land of the dinosaurs before you took your respite?

Bed of chaos? he didn't even kill me once this time around.


Changes included larger soul drops, more items dropped, much more humanity dropped, slightly easier enemies, although some things rather nerfed too (notably Iron flesh and crystal ring shield)

So that lava world, aye? It was significantly changed after the patch in one respect.

Remember the safe route: turn left along the vine, follow it around, and run across to the first temple? Well before the patch you'd walk to the vine before you hear stomping feet and be immediately swarmed by a giant skeleton dinosaur thingy and combo'd into submission before it jumped up and sat on your face and you dissolved.

You might kill one and creep a little further along that first vine before you accidentally trigger two of the sods who'd rush over and compete to sit on your face.

The problem was, each skele-dino could see for half a mile so if you came anywhere in this massive range they'd rush over. This wouldn't be so bad but there's tens of the fuckers all over the place. That safe route activated about six of the bastards and killing one after another was (ho-ho) soul destroying. God forbid if you accidentally triggered more than one at a time. No matter where the dino was standing if you came into the wrong area you got another coming over to stomp on your face.

You get to the first temple and just creeping around the outside of the temple activated more. Then to get to the next temple (and the hidden temple) you'd get another five or six, probably more.

I ran up the vine to the roof of the second temple which would activate everyone in sight. They'd all rush over and to their jump attack which, due to some bug, could still insta-kill you on the roof. You could however hit them after they'd jumped despite being 50 foot below you as if they were on the same level but had to time it just right since if they landed on the floor as you ran over it counted as then hitting you.

I'd say this area was broken by this point. It was an unfair bugged grind and easily the hardest part in the entire game because of it. You had no chance finding that secret bonfire unless you wiped out every single dino surrounding the area. The only saving grace was that if the dino's died they wouldn't come back and it literally took hours slowly killing one after another. Their moves so unfair and quick that you couldn't stun them with even the strongest hits they'd just keep doing to their combos until you'd died or turned it off.

After the patch? The safe route doesn't trigger a single dino and you can see that everyone of them now faces the outside wall! I think you only have to fight one to get to the hidden bonfire.

So for pre-patch Dark Soul completists with no friends (me) you had the roughest ride and are the only true Dark Soulers.

Half-Life 2.

Ah, frig yourself. I was like a Dark Souls fucking Columbus for that first month! I'd PvP your ass in an instant!

Dark Souls

Pah, you're only saying that since you know it can't be tested.

For completeness, and in retort, I'd PvP your mum in the ass, as I understand is the convention in these instances.

Oh yeah?!

The only way to settle this would be for you to clear your Xbox cache, delete your save and start again.

For science.

Vaguely remember somebody demanding spoiler tags to protect the new initiates on the last page, can't remember who though...

Yeah. Fuck. Sorry. Edit my quote and I'll edit my posts.

No. I'm still cross at you for changing your "currently reading" sig before I got round to making a joke about you not finishing Dracula yet... I thought I had forever to make it

Was it "have you finished Dracula yet?".

I was waiting for the context to make it funny

The year is 2068. There is a frail old man lying in a hospital bed, attached to a life support machine. There is a knock on the door. Another elderly gentleman enters.

WTB: I got your message - I came as quickly as I could.

WTB sits down in the chair next to the bed, and takes the old man's hand. The dying man looks up at WTB and pulls off his oxygen mask.

Alberto: [laboured breathing] Just about quick enough, I think. They've told me I don't have long left.

WTB: I'm sorry. You know there's only us two left now, what with Nickachu's plane crash three years ago? They say it wasn't an accident, that the pilot had been replaced...

Alberto: It was bound to happen sooner rather than later. When you assassinate the entire Swedish royal family, things have a way of catching up to you.

WTB: So what do you need me to do? I know you have no family left.

Alberto: I made a promise to myself many years ago, that when the time was right I would ask the question. I fear that if I leave it any later that it will be all for naught, so I had to call you here.

WTB squeezes the wizened hand of Alberto.

WTB: What is it, my old friend? What is the question that you've carried with you all this time?

Alberto: I just need to know...

WTB: Yes? What? What is it?

Alberto: Have you finished Dracula yet?

Alberto laughs until he starts wheezing and coughing, tears of joy rolling down his time-ravaged cheeks.

Alberto: Totally worth it.

Alberto closes his eyes. After a few seconds his heartrate monitor flatlines.

WTB: You cunt.

Fin.

This backstory only raises further questions.

Edit -- does another part of the plot involve a heavily bearded CUS, crying on the phone, screaming "WE HAVE TO GO BACK SHIN! WE SHOULD NEVER HAVE LEFT THE ISLAND BEEX!"