Be Excellent To Each Other

I went on the lottery website last night and it could barely cope with me buying one ticket....

I can get to the national lottery website, but the Euromillions one is blocked as it is "gambling". DAting websites are also blocked.

When someone 'bought the lottery' in Australia, they had replicas of the entry forms printed up well in advance, distributed to a large number of paid people to run to the shops with when the jackpot got so high that the button was pushed.

£148 million... yes please!

*Please*

It would be awesome to win this.

As such, I shall win, as I am awesome.

With this much money I can achieve "rich plan alpha", which basically involves buying a farm with a couple of thousand acres and building a race track out in the middle of nowhere, complete with stands, pits, etc.
Then bussing in all my friends to race in a knockout competition in some race-prepped hot hatches of some description (with the winner getting a go around the track in my Lamborghini Gallardo LP-550-2 Valentino Balboni (and then anyone else that wants a go can have one)), followed by the mother of all BBQs.

I'd buy a Batmobile.

High on my agenda would be Beex Meet: Vegas Edition

In as long as we can go and watch Garth Brooks.

If I won that money, you'd all be millionaires. There's nothing that would warrant keeping it all to myself.

I totally think this way. Even colleagues at work who aren't friends but you think 'they're ok' you can walk up to them and make them a millionaire right there and then.

Amazing.

It is a hell of a lot of money for one person but I wouldn't give any to the people I work with.

If I won it I'd also invest in the greatest games collection ever.. and a massive damp proof lock up to store them all.

I have a plan for that, because I know that if I were to start handing out money to friends I'd be poor again within a week.
Basically, I pick a "group boss", maybe Craster for this place, my dad for the family, my best mate for my mates, give them £x million each and tell them to distribute it.

Really good mates will be employed for £250k a year with the job description "have fun". I also plan to buy a building in / near London big enough for lots of people to live in when they want.

Then it goes down to a vote, and if the majority vote against the proposed distribution, we get to kill him, right? What's the most Craster can expect to keep?

Also, if I did win then I'd film myself putting that Alien Facehugger in the bin and send the video to all the people that have retracted their bids.

His left bollock.

£250m, less a couple of plane tickets to Borneo.

So, £148 million to breakdown.

Straight off, £1m would buy me a lovely house in one of the more affluent parts of Shrewsbury. £147 million left.

£5m to each of my brothers. £132 million left.

£2m to each of my parents. Why less than my brothers? Well, without meaning to sound harsh, my Mum's disabled and short of spending the money to try and find a cure for MS, there's not a huge amount they could do with the money that would improve her quality of life, and my Dad's in a similar situation with the addition of suffering from alcoholism, so even with £2m he'd probably drink himself to death. £128 million left.

Close friends (including colleagues) would get £1m. I'm depressingly short of close friends, so that would leave me with £115m.

MrsChap wouldn't get a penny as such, but would obviously share the benefit of me having more money than God.

MrsChap's parents would get £1m each, as would her sister. £112m left.

Not-so-close friends (the group in which you guys would be lumped into ) would get £500K each. I don't know exact numbers, but that'd probably bring me down to about £95m.

Naturally I'd buy a few cars, but I wouldn't go mental. I'd restrict it to £15m worth, so that'd take me down to £80m.

I'd give £10m to the MS Society, Cancer Research and Macmillan Cancer Support. £50m left.

And I'd stick that into a high-interest savings account or similar investment and live off the interest.

Yeah, this. I'd start a company that didn't really do much except dick around, staffed by people that I'd be delighted to spend the day not doing much except dicking around with, and pay them enough to make it worthwhile.

You'd open an art school?

I'd give everyone on here a week to fill their Amazon wish lists with as much stuff as possible, then I'd buy everything.

Excellent idea WTB. It'd be like an extravagant Supermarket Sweep!

Then again, with £148m I could probably do a lot better than that. Nobody would have to worry about rent/mortgages anymore!

Imagine how awesome it would be when an articulated lorry pulls up outside your house full of brown Amazon parcels.

Feex.

Ha!

Fifteen HDN vans heading back to the depot.

You'd buy us everything we ever wanted, then shit on the packaging? You're such a cunt.

...

You're all being very kind with your money. Thank you.

I guess I'd buy you all plastic surgery.

I quite fancy a pair of tits.

Actually I'd buy the fleet of cars from Mad Max 2 and get us all to drive around petrol stations.

Mr Dave would be chained to the front of my car.

Not sure what I'd do with the rest of the money.

I'd use my new money and power to destroy everything all of you hold dear. I'd spend every penny leaving you broken, empty shells of people, devoid of hope or joy.

Probably paying off jurors.

I'd hire the hardest dwarf in the world, some sort of tiny ninth dan, as my bodyguard and jump and clap and he took apart big mugger-types who were "haw haw haw"ing at him only seconds ago.

Also I'd love to buy a restaurant that was trying to kick me out. And I'd walk into a Bentley dealership after a day working on the Tomcat Mitsimog in my grease-covered clothes with a backpack full of cash, and see what happened.

This is where we differ. I would go batshit mental on car buying

1 large pad in the country, with huge amount of space to build the perfect car warehouse/garage.
1 flat in London.
1 holiday place somewhere or other.
£20m given away to friends and family.

Then just do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, for the rest of my life.

Here's a spoiler - Zardoz gets £12.

I'd probably buy a swanky penthouse flat in or around Central London, a reasonably large house with big gardens in West Bridgford near Trent Bridge cricket ground. I'd also buy something massive in Chilworth just outside of Southampton that could house my parents and sister (she still lives at home!) as well as Ange and me when we visit. I don't just mean a spare room - we'd have our own reception rooms, bedroom, kitchen and bathroom that were only used when we visited. I'd probably also buy a small house on the beach in Bournemouth for summer.

Something like a VW Golf R as my daily driver and a Porsche 911 GT3 and for weekends/track days. Some kind of Winnebago for camping trips and I'd get Ange some kind of hairdressers car of her choice. Probably an old Land Rover Defender to go off-roading in as well.

I would put a large sum of it into a high-interest account and donate the interest to various charities indefinitely.

I wouldn't give out cash to my friends and family, but I would pay off any debts anyone had on the proviso it was a one-off deal, and would most certainly foot the bill when we went out and socialised and take people on holidays all the time.

That's just off the top of my head - this is fun!

I'd do a Mafia scum game where the winner/winners shared £1m.
I bet you fuckers would talk then!

Not if they wanted to win.

I've often though about doing a Scum game for money - only £2 per person, or something, and the winning group gets the lot.

Myps you're such a tight cunt with your imaginary money.

You'd get the steam off my shit.

No, just realistic. Plus I hate most of you anyway.

That's a good idea, would be interesting to see how much it changed the game.

For your honesty I'll allow you to pick 3 peanuts from my turd as well.

I'm off to buy the tickets now!

I hope you win Ange!

Then you can kick that bitch to the kerb.

I'd buy a really nice turnip in the country.

I'd buy a band to play the Bond theme whenever i entered a building, or did stuff. I'd also buy Ange an electroshock collar that she could fix to myp.

This would be awesome! Doing minor stuff like pushing the "WAIT" button at a Pelican crossing and the band strikes up the bond music!

"Hi, yeah, I'd like a pint of beer, please"

BA BA BUM!