Be Excellent To Each Other

So there's this cat, right. It has been hanging out in our garden for the best part of a month. It's there all day and all night. Whenever I nip out for a fag, it's there. It's really scared though. If you approach it, it runs off.

Tonight, however, I slowly walked over to it and managed to get it to let me stroke it after it sniffed me for a bit.

I've noticed that it's incredibly grotty. It's a white cat, with a collar, but as far as I can tell it doesn't have a name tag on it. It's constantly scratching itself and you can see where the fur on its sides have been scratted at. Also, it has poo on its bumhole.

I just gave it a tin of tuna and it wolfed it down like a Labrador. That's not normal for a cat, is it?

My question is, does this sound like a cat that is likely missing? I'm worried to bring it inside because it's probably flea riddled, it has poo on its bum and we also have a rabbit. What can I do? I think I'm gonna buy some cat food tomorrow and keep feeding it, because judging by the way it ate that tuna, it isn't eating too regularly (although it doesn't look malnourished, so I assume it's eating something).

I'm gonna have a look around on the web for cats missing locally, but yeah, what can I do?

Sounds like a very ill stray. Call your local Cats Protection League, or it's fun to call up the ARR ESS PEE CEE AY, it's fun to call up the ARR ESS PEE CEE AY-Ay.

Edit: plus a dirty cacker can lead to flystrike, no matter your species. Sounds like you'd not have a chance of getting near it to sort out and reading between your lines it sounds like you wouldn't anyway, so yeah. CPL.

MEEOOOOWWWWWW!

Great film, wonder if it has stood the test of time?

I totally would be up for taking it in and stuff, I'm just worried about the rabbit if I were to let it indoors.

Well the loss of fur/coat could mean a heavy flea infestation as you guessed, or mange. Or ringworm. Definitely not something you'd want to come in contact with your rabbit. Try putting out a sturdy cardboard box with a few old towels in the bottom so it has somewhere to shelter if it wants to. If you have a carry case, even better because it's a means to catch it too if need be.

Hmm. I think we do have a carry case somewhere for the rabbit. I'm gonna ring the cat protection people in the morning, and I've taken a couple of photos so I'll stick an ad on Gumtree.

Out of interest, can cats live in harmony with rabbits (assuming it came to that), or is it asking for trouble?

I'm sure that if any owner is looking for the cat, they'd be in contact with the CPL/RSPCA anyway.

Depends on the cat and rabbit. I've seen horrifically territorial rabbits literally hanging off the sack of a boxer (dog) by their teeth as the dog screams in agony.

I wouldn't have thought it would be able to live with the rabbit without "playing" with it, perhaps if they were brought up together but would you want to risk it? I wouldn't.

Haha! Our rabbit is absolutely lovely. She just licks.

I'd just like to add this picture to the end of my last message.

Not a good idea to bring it indoors, but if you can build a little shelter for it outside that'd be nice.

Ring the CPL or other local cat rescue places. They'll be able to advise, and possibly send someone out to collect it (the RSPCA should definitely do that, but my experiences of the RSPCA have been less than helpful) and once they've got it they can check it for an ID chip and reunite it with it's owner if it does have one.

Yeah you're probably right. Shame. I wouldn't mind a cat. Plus, seeing as we'd be "rescuing" it, we'd technically be able to tell the landlady to fuck off. Perhaps.

They can, but equally, but equally they can do the very opposite (and suddenly so, after it appears to be working) so I absolutely wouldn't want to risk it.

Yep, definitely ringing in the morning. I'm worried that this cat just happens to live a few doors down or something though, and I'm stealing it. But then again, if a cat had somewhere to go, it wouldn't be in my garden (even in the pissing rain), for most of the day and night, would it?

Tell you what, the (presumably) desperate people looking for their lost cats sure don't have a fucking clue how to write a useful "missing cat" ad. Most of them don't even have photos.

Well, look at it this way - even if it is owned by people down the street, they obviously don't deserve to have the cat if it's in that kind of a state, so you'd be doing the cat a favour.

That's a good point.

Also, check this shit out:



http://www.petslocated.com/index.php

People will make money off fucking anything.

I bet there's an ad out there somewhere with this cat in it, but I'm fucked if I can find it because there are so many different websites for missing pets. Most of them bloody awful as well. That one above, you have to pay if you've lost something and register if you've found an animal, just to look at the lost pets. Money well spent, then. Fuck me.

Haha bloody hell!

I doubt that is real, but if it is, what a total cunt of a guy.

It's obviously fake but it's funny nonetheless.

Have people seriously not heard of David Thorne and 27b/6?

My word.

Nope, new to me!

Sounds a bit poncy to me.

Nae cunt knows what he's called. He's just the guy who wrote the spider letters.

These fucking animal rescue places are NEVER OPEN. Have to wait until 11AM to try my luck with the Cat Protection World Police. Poor flea bag has been sat outside all night. Fed it another tin of tuna yesterday.

You're keeping it, aren't you? Look at you, you've given it a name & everything

Still undecided about Flea Bag!

Just gave Flea Bag a bowl of milk. It's always amusing when they happily lap up a cliché.

Your girlfriend has been gone a week and you're getting a cat already?

10 days! It's time to move on, Mali, and Flea Bag is the perfect tonic.

Hope it was cat-friendly milk! Many cats are lactose intolerant and it can make them very ill.

Ah fuck. I thought that was hedgehogs! I need my girlfriend back.

I'll put the bowl of water back out again then. Even though Flea Bag turned its nose up at H2O last night.

It'll drink it when it realises it has little choice.

Milk will upset it's digestion (if it drinks too much, anyway) and give it diarrhoea, which isn't particularly worrying in and of itself but can lead to serious dehydration if it's not looked at

Listen, I'm not looking at diarrhoea. I have a hard enough time noticing the cack stuck to its bumhole.

Text from the Mrs: "Don't give it milk!". I'm a useless cunt.

I like milk!
\

11AM (opening time) and the Cat's Protection League For Infinite Justice is immediately engaged.

There's a lot of shitty-assed cats that need protecting from cunt owners.

Certainly appears so.

I swear by Jaga that no shitty cats arse will go unwashed by my hand of righteous justice. And Jayes fluid. Shitty, shitty, SHITTY ARSE. HOOOOOOOLE!
\

Right, so they can't take it in currently but I should call them again at the end of the week. Next option is to catch it and take it to the vet, where I can get it scanned for a chip for free. So that's what I'm going to do!

How the fuck do I catch a cat?

I'm looking forward to the comedy. You've walked right into that one, WTB.

We only have one oven mitt! Damn it!

Immediate snag - I don't have a cat-sized receptacle. Pretty sure stuffing it in the rabbit's carry cage thing would amount to animal cruelty.

Get a lead on it and walk it there.

Fool proof!