Captain Caveman wrote:
Thanks guys, appreciated.
I find the whole issue of animals - dogs in particular in my own case, because I love them so much - to be a terrible dilemma. On the one hand, I just couldn't be without their unqualified, unremitting, unconditional love and loyalty; my life would have been, and would be, so much the poorer without. But on the other hand, losing them - particularly "by my own hand" and say so when all's said and done, however I try to dress it up - is unbearable and truly excruciating - diabolical in fact. I look at Charlie's ever-greying muzzle and my heart feels fit to burst with fear at even the very thought, and of course, even now of all times, I cower away from that terrible thought and put it right to the back of my still-grieving mind, just as I always do.
They say it's better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all. But there again, the "losing" bit is none the less a bitter pill to have to swallow, despite this truism.
I find myself in irrational anger - rage even - at the thought of this entirely worthy, good, innocent creature having to suffer then die young, for reason(s) unknown, but of course, life isn't fair. How on Earth people deal with losing their children/spouse is simply beyond my wildest and most dreadful comprehension. I truly believe that such a thing would break me forever.
It gets easier with time. And with animals the nice bit is that it's pretty much all happy memories. We took in a stray bengal cat once. She was a runt to begin with, but was given (in good faith) to a farmer about 8 miles from where we lived. We named her Hurley (after Liz Hurley) and she was the funniest thing. She was about four years old when we found her so by that stage she was a wild one. She was funny with her affection, used to follow us around chirping and telling us what she was thinking but cowered when you tried to pet her. I think she just didn't trust any one, us included, enough to allow affection.
But it didn't matter. She did the funniest things
If the litterbox was dirty she would poo in the water bowl. God, I still crack up thinking about that. She also loved scrambled eggs, so every time we came back from the diner she was there waiting for us
Sadly it turned out she had Corona virus, to which there is no cure. She slowly started losing weight (not that there was much of her to begin with) and eventually became too weak to stand so we knew it was time. I couldn't do it. I just, couldn't do it. I was OK until we got to the door of the vet, then I just literally froze, unable to move.
I felt like such a coward. I waited outside until it was over. We only had her for around a year but I'll never forget her. I still to this day have her collar. Even through all of the turmoil and things getting lost when I came back home I kept it with my very important stuff like a watch from my Granddad.
It'll get easier mate. It's hard at first, but the memories are always really lovely and funny ones