Be Excellent To Each Other

Sounds like a fun ride. Course, it was dry when we hiked it!

What the hell are poetry rocks?

I'd a fun camping and hiking trip this weekend. Got to the site around half ten, so we had a couple of pints in the pub before getting around to pitching the tent in a stormy gale. Haven't had the modern one out in a round 18 months or so, and trying to put it up in the dark against the rain and the wind was quite a challenge (dam thing kept on blowing away before we could pin it down!). But we got it up eventually, and as the pub had chucked out by then (1 AM or so) we sat it its surprisingly large porch and drank and chatted for a bit.

Did an excellent hike across the dales on Saturday, though we had to change the route twice due to local rivers bursting their banks and flowing very fast down the trails we wanted! So we headed for and kept the high ground instead! Weather cleared up by the early evening, and after a lazy couple of hours at the site we headed into Matlock for a curry. Had a fun amble around Matlock Bath today too.

Sounds like a really good weekend. I'm not quite sure what poetry rocks are. I'm really, really aching at present now. We should bang heads about the walks you take around Matlock way. See Facebook for a photo of me by that trig point we erronoeusly walked to. We continued on from there, and there's a walkway between the bogs of stinking stuffs, past the radio towers and we rode trougha flock of sheep on the way down the hill. It was a bit weird up there at times.

You missed the peanut-butter filled pretzel thingies, they are super-awesome...

New Louie Theroux on BBC2 in mere seconds.

He's revisiting his 97' docu on porn! Yay!

That woman at the porn companies office reminded me of anyone who works in an office: I hate my job and I hate the people who I'm doing this shitty job for. I'm sure if Louis did a documentary on any typical office he'd find equally damaged people.

It was a shame that other people in the porn industry were somewhat scared to discuss John Doe and whether porn killed him, when it turned out that his death was just a typically sad story about fame, fortune and drugs.

Anybody want to start a sweep on the creator country of the Flame virus shenanigans? I will go for the United States of Freedom.

Woke up on the floor this morning with my quilt wrapped around me. I'm all puffy eyed and sneezy now. Stupid Mondays.

My manager went on a "Stork Walk" at the weekend. Which, it seems, is having a look around the labour ward. jesus fucking Christ, it's going to be a long day.

Adding to this, I unwiitingly said to the person in charge of stuff like this: "It really was a stroke of genius to change the door entry systems over half term when nobody is in to receive their new security passes".

You should write a book, Mali.

"Mild frustrations and annoyances: The perils of being Cornish in West Yorkshire"

"(Retired) Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tidings"

'The Red Shirt Diaries'

"Malicious Afterthought: A tale of Grief, Love and Pasties"

"Grief Encounter"

Bravo, sir.

Ta.

That whale in the Thames



<loads gun>

There was a whale? In the Thames?

I think that during my thrilling heroics on the moor yesterday, I've pulled my back. I'm having to sit bolt upright and not move a lot. Might explain why I awoke on the floor.

Another shooting in Bradford. It seems to be one a week now. Still, at least the police and the council are dealing with the main threat of illegally tethered horses

Really enjoying Space Marine on the 360. It's like Gears of War mixed with a little God of War then ink washed, drybrushed and varnished.

I've been tempted to get it for a while now and I reckon it's at the right price for me to buy and have it sit on my shelf.

Good news, Grim...!

Firing 'bad' staff to made easier

Hurrah!

Well, that's my fourth shit of the day done.

I'm blaming the pub lunch with hot and spicey pizza supper for todays work load.

Mrs Metal's sister's new dog is doing watery shits, it would seem. I had a lovely story of how the bags her other half bought for scooping them don't seem thing enough and she could feel them sloshing around as she carried them through the park.

Quite surprised she could get a grip on it then. When our dog had runny cacks we were often left with no other option but to leave it.

I was in the pub yesterday, and two women in the smoking area were talking about how awful it is to have to go through security checks (in one case, to get into portcullis house for a meeting with Ed Milliband) when you have something containing your own shit in your handbag. I'd love to say that this was a clear misinterpretation on my part, particularly wrt 'shit', but it wasn't. I'm 95% certain that the 'shit' was of more significant quantum than a sample for the doctor, too.

Maybe they were hoarders. They probably have Morrison's bags full of piss dangling from their ceilings.

To be fair, they left in a convoy of security detail, in separate cars, and each thought the daughter was with the other parent. So it's not as dumb as it sounds -- I'd imagine going anywhere when you're the PM involves a chaotic scrum of security personnel.

I'd be more critical of the security staff than Cameron and his wife, frankly. They should have known where all their principles were at all times.

This is certainly true. It's still a bit of a moment, though.

Bags for Life, of course. The normal 'disposable' bags have holes in them to make them safe for use as baby toys.

If you don't collect your dog's doings, runny or otherwise, you'll get a £75 fine, it seems.

Yes, but unless you're holding the bag under their anus as it sprays out, sometimes you really have no choice. I can't comprehend how she could feel it sloshing unless it became more liquid post pick up.

Yeah, I think they're bullshitting.

I bet they scooped up a normal turd, pissed in the bag and sloshed it all up.

Keep going....

Then they waited until all the corn floated to the top and skimmed it off for pizza topping and boiled off the slurry to make coated peanuts for the starter.

You're fucking foul. I was going to suggest they chewed the tods up before spitting them back in the bag, but you had to bring wee into it.

This thread is both making me feel ill and making me enormously glad I will never own a dog.

If I win the lottery I'm going to send you loads of dogs.

After I've fed them egg butties and scrumpy.

I lost my principles years ago.

Return to sender. It's a wonderful thing.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, I've managed to lose my children on more than one occasion. Although, thinking about it, I'm sure it's only ever been the ginger one. Heh.

Here's an anectdote for you Dave.

Years ago we were offered the chance to look after a friend of Mrs Z's house (before we had our own home so we jumped at the chance). They had two dogs and due to the hours both of them worked the backroom was basically a furnished kennel so they had somewhere to come into if the weather was bad outside. It looked and smelled like a scene out of Hostle but with the blood replaced with piss and shit stains. The dogs themselves were very friendly but I refused to let the things near us after I went outside for a fag and witnessed one of them chomping down the others freshly laid shit like a snake swallowing eggs.

We never went there again.

Mrs Metal clarifies:

"It's thin like one of those fruit and veg bags from the supermarkets, so as she was walking she bag was bashing back and forth against her thigh and and squodging inside the bag and breaking up."

She adds:

"(It was) the same density as icecream, like a squidgy runny form, a thick sauce kind of effect, think chocolate ice cream being mixed into a glop."

I normally hold bagged dogshit at arms length and chuck it in the nearest bin.

Yes, that's the sensible thing to do. Putting it in a hyper-thin bag and whacking it against my leg until it liquefied is asking for trouble.