Be Excellent To Each Other

Freeze dry it and quadruple the price. Make sure you serve it on a plank of wood.

Add foam.

Serve it in a clear bowl, topped with finest clingfilm, containing a fog of smug expelled by Michael Winner.

And smegma scrapings from Lenny Henry's bellend.

So you know my loud, obnoxious, horrible cunt neighbour? And my thin walls? Well he's put the place up to let. And a fucking child minder woman might be moving in by the looks of things. As in, a child minder who looks after numerous kids from home. Next door to us. With paper thin walls. Anything I can do about this?

Post about it in the 1st world problems thread?

I had half of my teeth extracted about a year back. What made it more fun was that they were all broken from my constant grinding and biting down on them. They had to use these things called lifters where they basically anchor the broken tooth and lever it on your bottom lip.

Oh it was just so much fun. Then one of the glands in the bottom of my mouth decided to swell up to about the size of half a golf ball and I couldn't open my mouth so had to go to casualty for some injections to reduce the swelling.

After all of that (took about a month to heal) I had to have a root canal. And I can solemnly swear that I would rather have the last of my teeth pulled out with rusty pliers than go through that again. The nasty rank burning smell was making me heave, and it went on for ages

I've got dentures now to make up the teeth I had pulled out and a splint I fit for biting on.

I had one of my front teeth out a few years back, 2008 I think.

I was shitting bricks before the procedure, but he injected my mouf with the anaesthetic, and then I just closed my eyes and within 30 seconds it was all over.

Story of my life, really.

As someone who's endured bad neighbours of various stripes I don't think it's a 'first world problem', not when it can make massive chunks of the time you spend in your own home utterly fucking teeth-grindingly miserable.

I've had a wisdom tooth out. But other than that, I've never even had a filling. My teeth are perfect!

He was just messing around!

I've looked into it, and as I suspected, public liability insurance is required obviously because she'll be running a business from home. But more importantly, you have to let your lender know you're going to be conducting business on the property. i.e. the landlord's lender. I very much doubt he'll be doing that, so if it does all happen, I'll make life difficult for them.

Before.



Noting my lower jaw is actually quite small.

After.



They padded out the sockets with the most vile, rank, disgusting tasting shit I've ever had the pleasure of having in my mouth, then say "Leave the dentures in because your jaw will go out of shape otherwise".

What upset me the most was I had just had a gorgeous cream/white wool Berber carpet fitted to my room and when I tipped my head forward loads of blood ran out all over it

Aye, I know, but I thought I'd go ahead and sympathise with you anyway. I could call you a cunt while I was doing it if that would make it better?

It wouldn't make me feel better, but it would be less unusual.

(And ta for the sympathy. )

If they make too much noise, they make too much noise - phone the council.

If not, well, I dunno.

My advice is to see how bad it is when/if she moves in. It might be that there's only noise when you're not in. Paper thin walls work both ways too, you might be as much of a nuisance to her as she is to you. Helen's always the first to complain about our slightly noisy neighbour who has a couple of autistic kids, but then I point out I listen to music quite loudly so it's a two way street. A little give and take, mang.

Totally. It's just I'm worried this is taking noise-making to a sort of industrial scale, what with half a dozen kids running around for the full day. I've been on her website (her car was parked outside and had the URL on it), and she's basically running a proper nursery from home.

Yeah, that doesn't sound great. It's physically impossible for even a single child to not spend a lot of it's conscious time making great fucktons of noise and it multiplies exponentially as you add more children, so any time you spend in your house during working hours is likely to be pretty hellish if the walls are such great sound carriers.

Go to the local tip/dump/whateveryoucallit and get some of the pissy matresses people discard there. I can see no obvious drawbacks to stacking them against your walls.

Plan!

She's back again this time with (I assume) her mother, looking at the house. I thought I'd demonstrate how thin the walls are by playing some music. The Beastie Boys - Sabotage.

Break into the house next door and nail the pissy mattresses to their side of the wall.

Now that's more like it!

go deaf

Next time she's viewing the property, barbecue some dog turds. /morris

Do this before they move in, then put plasterboard up over the mattresses. They'll never know.

"These rooms are an awful lot smaller now that we've moved our stuff in."

"Y'know, I could've sworn the living room used to be a foot wider. And didn't stink horribly of urine..."

o/

Also, fold one of the pissy mattresses over your head and tie it in place. Guaranteed soundproofing.

Apparently, a lead / plywood sandwich is a very effective soundproofing material. After tying the pissy mattress around your head, encase the whole thing in a box made of that.

If you can't find enough pissy mattresses down the tip, buy some new ones from Argos and piss over them yourself.

Who hasn't woken up on a Saturday morning and asked themselves this?

Complain some more.

How dare a child minder mind children so close to a such precious flower?

Meanwhile, on Mumsnet:

"I'm a single mother trying to run a business from home and make ends meet, but after moving house my neighbour is being a right cunt and playing really loud music all the time. Is there anything I can do so he doesn't disturb the children? He could put me out of business!

Oh, and he smells of urine."

Ooooh, Throughsilver is bringing some attitude to the table!

Have you ever suffered a noisy neighbour? It muscles in on every aspect of your life. It's a living hell.

Am doing at the moment. In the midst of dealing with it in my own inimitable way.

I understand it can and does suck, but complaining because a childminder is moving in is going a tad far. 'Anything I can do about this?' Really? Sounds like you're one step away from moving somewhere the walls aren't so thin, anyway. Padded, in fact.

It's a child minder though, you're no gonnae have toddlers getting full of cheap speed & drinking for a few days at a time. Due to most folk only needing childcare when they're at work you'll probably no even notice, since you'll be at work. I wouldnae get your knickers into a twist before there's actually a problem.

Anyway, was the problem with your neighbour no that you didnae like it when he got his Nat King?

I was just asking for some advice. Didn't realise I was being such an intolerant cunt.

Having suffered nearly a year living next to this utter cunt to then find out a fucking nursery is moving in next door, I didn't think I was overreacting, but hey.

I can't see how it's unreasonable to be concerned if someone looks to be moving in next door who would have the potential to be running a noisy business from home if he knows the place has problems with lack of soundproofing. It's no different from seeing someone moving in and unloading a drum kit.

You'll mostly be at work whilst she's minding the children, the children might not actually be noisy, and I don't think the council or anyone else will find the presence of children somehow being reason for complaint.

Honestly, I think you are condemning this woman before she's even moved in, and that hardly makes you a friendly neighbour to start with.

As Grim... said, if it turns out that the noise levels are unreasonable at unreasonable times of day, then complain to the council. If they don't, then no problem. Is there anything you can do? Like what, to prevent her moving in? Or prevent her making noise?

Just forget it. I'll keep my problems to myself and stick to moaning about games.

Suggesting we were calling you a cunt is over-reacting, yeah. It's good that people don't completely agree on here. I, and I'm sure Wullie too, sympathise with you. Most of us have had to live next door to people we'd rather have been miles away from. Maybe it was the way you phrased it. What can I do about this childminder? Do you object to people getting pregnant and having kids too? I dunno.

I am a monster, but think I'm being pretty objective here.


A drum kit is specifically designed to make noise. Childminding is designed to make a living.

It's difficult to give advice when there is nothing you can do (unless be so horrid you drive her away) and, I'm sorry to say this, no actual problem. You're kind if complaining about noise when you haven't even really met her or have any idea if she'll be noisy.

You are locking the stable door before you even have a horse.

Of course it is. But the outcome to the person the other side of the thin walls is the same. WTB wasn't attributing any kind of maliciousness to this women, just concern about the outcome on his peace of mind. Which doesn't seem unreasonable to me.

What if you're a drummer? Eh? Eh?

A bit unreasonable to ask if there's anything you can do about a person moving in if he doesn't even know what kind of noise will be coming from the house. Also, what hours, etc.

I know that, Mimi. In asking "anything I can do?" I didn't necessarily mean right this instant. I meant when the inevitable noise kicks off. But more than anything, I was just having a fucking moan about something potentially shitty happening in my life, like people do on here all day.

But as I say, nevermind. Just forget I said anything.