Be Excellent To Each Other

It's that thing from the drawven caves in skyrim that shoots poison!

I'm actually a little bit perturbed by the common ladybird, yes. Not as much as some of the other creatures I mention, largely I imagine to having my childhood peppered with images of ladybirds being lovely little things. But they do creep me out a fair bit, yes. There were a couple in a hotel room I stayed in a few months back - I had to shoo them out the window without the missus seeing what a wuss I am.

You know, even images of fictional things like this freak me the fuck out? I've seen Starship Troopers precisely once because of the bloody things in that!

Did they put in a lot of leg work for that research or just wing it?

Thread needs more forgs to banish the evils.

Actually, the face of a giant centipede looks like the "Y U NO" guy.

Young Shane McGowan presents Mark E Smith.

WOAH! They have opposable thumbs too!

not having a good day. The beginning of the Zombie Apocolypse, and massive centipedes.

Remember kids: fuck memes.

When my parents lived in Barbados before I was born, they occasionally encountered such creepy crawlies. On one occasion my dad's friend chopped at one with a shovel and, sure enough, each half ran off in a different direction.

I dreamt I was queueing to see Father Christmas in a department store, but when I got to the end of the queue I found I hadn't pre-booked, so I couldn't go in. I was a bit ticked off, but the elves assured me that next year, Father Christmas Booking Forms were going to be sent out along with everybody's Eurovision Voter Registration Forms, so I'd be sure to remember.

Woo! (Probably NSFW! If your work gets upset about CDCs they won't like this much)

Edit: Strangely appropriate for the thread too

Wow, who uploaded that photo of Grim... on the third result?

Last night I dreamedpted that Will Ferrell and George Clooney were having a gay relationship and wrote a play about it. When it came to stage a woman played Will and George played himself while Will sat in the audience and sobbed his heart out.

I dreamt that I was having a party, and I invited Holly Willoughby, and she turned up, and we were buds!

BEST. DREAM. EVER.

I saw one on telly kill a tarantula. And catch a bird. Hardest thing ever, that bastard.


You need to get that made.

Heh, awesome dream there Dimrill.

Last night I dreamt that Ryan Gosling hired me to sit in the back of his car making electronica noises like some sort of synth-pop Michael Winslow as his CD player had broken.

I had a dream about hanging out with the Queen, last night. She was ace and said 'innit', which I found utterly amazing. She let me have a go of her crowns and stuff, telling me it was a right pain in the arse having to wear all that shit to sit in Parliament. Then she bitched about what a train-wreck Fergie is and asked for fish and chips for her dinner because she was sick of posh food. She gave Philip a dead arm because he said one of the maids had 'splendid tits', then we sat on the balcony with Camilla and had a fag.

Good times.

I had some terrifying dreams when I began my new meds. My meds are an anti psychotic so they literally knock you the fuck out whether you like it or not. You get about half an hour before it feels like you've smoked an entire quarter of weed and at that point it's best to be near your bed. When I started them I walked into a wall face first, fell down the stairs (last three steps) and so on. Obviously over time this gets better, but yeah, not much fun.

Then the dreams began. I dreamt that some one had broken into our house and was stealing all of our stuff. The problem was I couldn't move. I could hear everything and see but my body was paralysed. Frightening

It's gotten better now, but I'm still out for twelve hours after taking them.

Last night I was dreaming about a party in a holiday camp (butlins type affair), but it was spread out over several locations, and we had to keep on making mad dashes in the pouring rain to get from one event to the next. At one point the trip between 2 locations turned into a TV documentary style survival thing and Bear Grills was offering survival tips.

Anyway, I was at one event, watching some performance on a stage, I was sitting next to my brother, when a Man in his 60s or 70s sat down next to me, he looked a little like my dad, but not quite him. He was heckling the act on stage (complaining about any innacuracies in their song lyrics) When he started mentioning things from our life, he obviously knew a lot about us, and initially I thought he was a lost brother of my dad (he only has a sister!) or something, but then he made it clear that he also was related to my mum.

After a while it turned out he was a clone made up from DNA from my mum and dad, he was just about to explain what he was doing there, when I woke up!



Malc

Today I dremaptded that Grim... had his right hand blown off by a soldier while fishing. We all called him Robocop from then on.

I read that as fisting. Appropriately.

The scene: a turn of the century (19th to 20th that is) saloon. People are chatting, playing games and enjoying drinks. Their clothes have lost their past lustre and are a bit dirty in tatty in palces but they're still making an effort to be reasonably well dressed.

An old man, wearing one of those visors you'd see card dealers wearing, is approached by another man, who says he wants some money and offers an item in trade. The old guy goes to his cash desk and counts out a handful of bizarre, handmade coins with numbers scratched into them, and hands them to the other man.

Shortly afterwards, there's a disturbance outside, and the ground floor window into the bar is smashed. Enter another man, pursued by another, scruffier man with enormous, dirty, wild hair (think of The Cat in Red Dwarf when he lost his vanity). Wearing his trademark leather jacket, it's Mel Gibson, as Mad Max. Max isn't happy with someone who has just tried cheat him on a trade.

A small fight ensues, and eventually the saloon inhabitants manage to force Max outside and talk him down. Standing in the parking lot outside, filled with a variety of suitably customized vehicles for the setting, they explain to him. With the worsening war situation, the government just couldn't afford to support the smaller communities like this one (illustrated by a man sweeping his hand across the valley below the hill on which they're standing, which contains a small town). Public services like ambulance, police and fire were pulled out, followed by garbage collection and maintenance. Once, he said, the tram men (a term that made perfect sense in the dream) were gone, people couldn't even get around easily and that was it, they were basically cut off and left to their own devices.

The little community has tried to take care of itself, but government-issued money is pointless here and so they've had to resort to bartering. As if to illustrate, a guy passes at this point and goes into a small house. Inside, her face covered by a veil, is a young woman with enormous hair - a young Auntie Entity. The guy asks for her to mediate a dispute. She somehow randomly decides it's 'Aunties' Choice' (as per the option seen on the wheel later outside the Thunderdome) and illustrates this by allowing the man to reach into a small box next to her and retrieve an object about the size of a can bundled up in white cloth. For some reason that I'll never understand, this both satisfies and delights the man, who runs out of the house clutching the bundle and cackling with glee.

He passes Max, who is being told by the villagers he's better off going back to the coast and civilization, as things get worse the further inland you go. Some communities, they tell him, are all but trapped out there and people are starting to go crazy, with delivery trucks heading that way never returning (as evidenced from the start of the Road Warrior where Max finds the ransacked tractor trailer with its recently-killed driver). Max grumbles and gets back in his car, driving off heading into the outback. The villagers shrug and return to the saloon, angry that angsty idiot broke their window and that a new frosted glass window will be hard to come by nowadays.

At this point, the black and white narrated montage from the start of the Road Warrior began and I thought to myself "why had I never seen that sequence before?".

Had a odd dream last night, is strongly linked with the fact I am currently in France.

MrsSG and myself appear to have found a French Restaurant that we like enough in my dream to go back to again and again, the 4th time we go back the staff are really friendly to us and sit us down as normal, at which point i realise that we are the only customers in the establishment and they are clearing up. The waitress (whome is most cute ) brings over half a beer for each of us and explains that because they are closed they can't give us wine, but half a beer on the house would be ok. She then tells us that the kitchen is closed also but will see what she can get the chefs to make for us.

When she come back she has a beautiful Cheesecake with her, which we are handed with a appology again that they can only offer this as they are closed, halfway through a damn fine cheesecake the kitchen staff join us in the front of the resturant and have a few beers poured for themselves. Mrs SG gets up to go to get a newspaper from the shop (wtf?) and the sous chef comes and sits by me as I carry on enjoying the awesome cheesecake.

The Sous chef then begins to explain to me (after some random chat) that no kitchens for any restaurant ever makes their own cheescakes anymore as it is dangerous...

This captures my interest but he will not explain further appart from to go out to the kitchen and come back with a discarded cheescake box from Iceland, I woke up at this point feeling betrayed and disapointed.

Damn my head! That dream could ahve gone so many cool directions! Why the fuck did Iceland spoil it all...gah!

I had a dream the other night that I was sitting with my grandfather in hospital. He'd been unwell but was recovering and out of any danger. I was sitting on a hospital trolley. I was getting ready to have an operation and was scared but had insisted to see my grandad.

I was suddenly really cold and he asked if I was going to be ok. I said yes, though I knew I wasn't going to be. He insisted I took his coat to lay over me, even though he was ok. I refused at first but eventually accepted, then they came to take me for my operation, I told him I loved him and knew it would be the last time he saw me.

He has been gone a few years ago now, and the dream has some parallels with the last time I saw him. It just left me feeling a bit reflective and quiet, and a but disorientated as I had to almost jog my memory that he'd gone when I woke up.

I dreamt that I was a lawyer last night. Not a criminal one, but one of a bunch of lawyers employed by a big company to advise it.

I really enjoyed being a lawyer, it would appear.

I had a dream last night that MaliA wanted to Sue either Margaret Thatcher or Richard Madeley because one of them was responsible for closing his local post office.

He wasn't sure which and had hired DocG to find out who. DocG decided it was Richard Madeley because Thatcher was so old. MaliA said that the closure of the Post Office ruined his likelihood as he had a disability that meant he couldn't go more than half a mile from it and he needed it to post all of his stuff out. We didn't know about this disability and asked him if it was ok, but his answers made it seem like perhaps his disability was more that he had to wear one of those ankle tags.

So, at the hearing Madeley refused to attend and MaliA and his lawyer made a big fuss saying how they should win, but the judge overruled on account as Madeley NOT actually having anything to do with the closure. MaliA shouted at DocG. Then the judge said that this in front of him had made the decision and it was a free plastic cup from McDonalds. We were all looking at this cup and asking the judge why the cup would shut down a Post Office when I woke up.

Amazing.

Are you David Lynch?

WTB needed me to be a 'co-signer' or 'witness' or something for his new car insurance policy so I went over to Bristol to help him. He'd tried to fill in too much of the form ahead of time and had got my job title and employer's address and other things spectacularly wrong, and it was all written is weird, huge letters.

I then continued to work. While our office was being refurbished, we had to work out of a huge trailer (like those you see straddling two lanes on the motorway). Work continued, but what was bizarre was that we were being plied with booze. Also, my phone kept ringing, as the marketing company behind Southern Comfort had gotten hold of my number through my credit card company and were constantly pestering me with promotions. I felt sorry for the call centre goons being made to call me and read advertising spiels but told them to fuck off eventually and blocked the number. I pointed out I didn't even like Southern Comfort, that I'd bought Mrs Metal's mother a bottle for her birthday and they were wasting their efforts on me.

After stumbling around outside for a while playing frisbee with bits of garbage lying around the industrial area where the trailer was parked, we were told to get back in the office. The trailer/office abruptly lurched off, spilling my can of beer and breaking the neck off the wine glass I'd been drinking it out of. It seemed that we had to be parked in one area to work, and another when the place was closed. The chairs and desks all slid wildly around as I quoted Weird Al, that it was 'time to cry over spilt beer'.

When we stopped, I tried to figure out when I was due back in work. Myp and WTB became interchangeable and I pondered if I could stay and get pissed with WTB and then just get the train home, leaving the car there overnight. The rosters were extremely confusing and badly written and it took me ages to make sense of them.

The two people who were myp and WTB said it didn't matter, the Ghostbusters theme started playing and we along with several other teams of people had to re-enact the famous scene from the movie where they stripped down to their underpants and swam along the docks to retrieve an important sample. I volunteered but got naked and jumped into the water, and a big dude with an afro asked, "Man, where's your pants?" WTB or myp threw my boxers into the water and I put them on.

We had to swim around a large pipe emitting foul-smelling, almost luminous green water ('sewage' according to the other swimmers) but I managed to skirt around most of it. Eventually I got to the place which was at the back of a large convenience store, and a cutscene started, claiming it was 'Outbreak' the movie. A montage of infected animals biting people started, including the pet store owner who was refusing to kill his beloved infected hamsters and so got bitten, people fleeing a supermarket because 'someone let an infected kitten loose in the basement' and a guy trying to groom his infected rabbit without letting it bite him. As he held the rabbits head back, its red, dripping teeth pivoted back and forth in its gums trying to get a better angle to attack his hand.

One of the other people from the swimming thing had a US military uniform on and said we had to get the samples back in order to stop the infection. There was a large hybrid SUV on display inside this store and he was trying to commandeer it to drive out. I asked if I could escape in it too and he agreed. In order to drive this SUV you had to buy credit to pay for the battery charge and he needed to obtain permission (via radio) to use his Army-issued credit card in the chip and pin device on the dashboard to buy enough driving time to escape.

We roared out of the store, knocking down walls and flying over hills while explosions and stuff happened all around. Eventually we arrived at a concrete barrier and the soldier declared 'we have to run the rest of the way!'

Mrs Metal showed up and we started to run and then it all gets a bit hazy and I can't remember how it ended.

Lay off the cheese suppers, Meaty!

Also:



Best quote ever.

Heh.

Also:

I've hired DoxcG before, I bought him a pair of cuban heels.

I dreamt last night that Mimi had left me. I was trying to get her back but she said "It's too late, I've already bought new clothes."

Then she went through into the lounge at my grandparents' house and I had to stay in the kitchen.

I dreamt of Doom 3. I was the Frank Sinatra lovechild-esque marine, going through a space station. However, instead of being zombified, the crew had just been tortured and tormented into insanity and extreme paranoia. Anyone else they saw as an extreme threat and they'd just charge at you, wild-eyed, trying to kill you.

This was upsetting enough but then I encountered the nurses. They looked a bit like the vet from this picture but bug-eyed with terror. Sometimes they'd drop whatever firearm they were carrying and pull out a scalpel and charge at me. I could either do a carefully timed melee attack or just blast them. Either way, I was dealing horrific injuries with close-range shotgun blasts to them causing faces to split oepn and eyeballs to hang out on nerves, and sometimes even that didn't stop them as they'd struggle back up and keep coming at me.

*shiver*

Oh, and because it was Doom, there was only one model for each enemy type so all these nurses looked the same.

Oh, man - there's no coming back from that.

I had a dream last night that I was trying to convince Ange to go out with me, but she wouldn't.

I had a dream last night that I was at the beach and saw a couple of crocodiles. I went up to them to take pictures before I suddenly remembered that they can be quite dangerous but couldn't remember how fast they can run. They began coming at me pretty quickly but then I realised that if I simply stood behind the big sheet of chipboard I was carrying then they wouldn't be able to get to me. There was also an old man with a big beard sat in a chair watching and laughing.

Sometimes reality is stranger than fiction.

Run in a zig zag path as crocodiles can't turn quickly.

I don't know what to do about old men with long beards laughing at you though.

Make them wear a pointy hat & winklepickers while holding a fishing rod.

I don't think crocs have opposable thumbs.

Do they have blowholes?

I'm having more frequent, increasingly bizarre dreams... but they're those infuriatingly not-quite-recollectible ones.

Haven't had a dream in a long time. See, the life I've had
can make a good man bad. So for once in my life let me get what I want. Lord knows, it would be the first time...

*Rearranges daffodils in back trousers*

Is Mrs Zardoz in a coma? I think she'll pull through. Sing her this:

Haven't had a dream in such a long time now. It's raining here and all the leaves are on the ground.
But I'm safe and warm, outside it's cold and grey. Fetch my guitar and I will play for you all day.

So, last night I dreamt I was fighting zombies! WHOO!

In the bit I remember best, there was a zombie behind the door, and I took a good swing at him with my cricket bat but he wasn't there anyone, he'd just vanished.

This, apparently, surprised me enough to wake me up, and when I looked at the clock...

It was 4:04am. OOOOOOooooooh!