Bits and Bobs 34

metalangel · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 11:38

Also, never jump while on Earth or you'll be hurled backwards at 1,000mph as per Campbellian physics.

Curiosity · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 12:10

metalangel wrote:

Also, never jump while on Earth or you'll be charged two pounds as per Campbellian physics.

Innit.

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

I AM WEDDING MAN.

I've just discovered I'll be a groomsman at a mate's wedding, on top of discovering I'll be best man to another mate's wedding, on top of already knowing that I'm already best man at another another mate's wedding. Fortunately the two best man gigs are a year or so away. Suggestions for speeches? Christ.

Bobbyaro · **Joined:** 18th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 11920

what the hell is a groomsman?

Doctor Glyndwr · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 32624

WTB wrote:

Suggestions for speeches? Christ.

"It's funny how times change. Twenty five years ago, the brides' parents were putting their beautiful daughter to bed sucking a dummy... and now, here we are."

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 12:39

Bobbyaro wrote:

what the hell is a groomsman?

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Doctor Glyndwr wrote:

WTB wrote:

Suggestions for speeches? Christ.

"It's funny how times change. Twenty five years ago, the brides' parents were putting their beautiful daughter to bed sucking a dummy... and now, here we are."

Oh that's going in!

Both speeches!

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Bobbyaro wrote:

what the hell is a groomsman?

I think you wear one of the "official" suits. Same as the best man and the groom. Hopefully that's the extent of my obligations.

markg · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 16723

Basically the same as a fluffer.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 12:44

Is it another name for an Usher?

KovacsC · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 12:46

Kinda

Quote:

A groomsman is one of the male attendants to the groom in a wedding ceremony. The term usher is more common in the UK while the term 'groomsman' is more commonly used in America. Usually, the groom selects his closest friends and relatives to serve as groomsmen, and it is considered an honor to be selected. From his groomsmen, the groom usually chooses one to serve as best man.
For a wedding with many guests, the groom may also ask other male friends and relatives to act as ushers without otherwise participating in the wedding ceremony; their sole task is ushering guests to their seats before the ceremony. Ushers may also be hired for very large weddings.
In a military officer's wedding, the roles of groomsmen are replaced by swordsmen of the sword honor guard. They are usually picked as close personal friends of the groom who have served with him. Their role includes forming the traditional saber arch for the married couple and guests to walk through.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22423

Groomsman is the role you give to your more socially awkward friends so that they feel they are involved, but can do the least damage to the day...

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

That's the one! *hides and blushes in corner of room*

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49252

My brother-in-law was our only usher. He didn't get one of the awesome suits.

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Craster wrote:

awesome suits.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 13:00

Doctor Glyndwr wrote:

WTB wrote:

Suggestions for speeches? Christ.

"It's funny how times change. Twenty five years ago, the brides' parents were putting their beautiful daughter to bed sucking a dummy... and now, here we are."

I did that joke when I was best man.

Only I said "...with her dummy in her mouth." It went down brilliantly.

EDIT: Wow. That was almost a decade ago. Seen them once, since.

GazChap · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 13:55

"The groom probably doesn't remember that time we were both 13 and tossed each other off in his bedroom, but I do."

(c) bubblegun.com

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 14:04

Still not heard a better wedding story than my old work mate Andy (best man at wedding) banging the mother of the bride in the evening and the bride finding out. The MiL was divorced at the time, so not that bad.

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

Yeah that's not happening...

devilman · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 14:08

WTB wrote:

Suggestions for speeches? Christ.

Get him to do the food too; you'll save a fortune.

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Useful tip: Do not drop a penny into the cigarette lighter in your car as it may well blow the fuse of said lighter, thus preventing you from powering your satnav which, in my case, has a battery that lasts about 1 minute when fully charged.

'What are the chances of that happening?' you may ask. I would too, but it still happened to me yesterday, when I was juggling change prior to getting out to buy a sarnie. At least I now know where the fuses are in a Mondeo (behind the glove compartment) and how damn fiddly is it to get the fuse for the lighter back in when your hand obscures your view.

Bollox!

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Grim... wrote:

I done saw Scooter on Saturday night. .....

We can still be friends ..... prolly.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 15:38

metalangel wrote:

Also, never jump while on Earth or you'll be hurled backwards at 1,000mph as per Campbellian physics.

If you were in the air for 1 second, you'd travel about half the world long jump record. Backwards.

markg · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 16723

Unless you faced the other way, obviously.

Warhead · Noob as of 6/8/10

Shirley you'd meet yourself coming back if you did that.

Wullie · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 6183

Brewdog's beers are shite, but the wanky writing amuses me & I quite like their bar in Glesga.

... and that boomerang answer has made my day :DD

Zardoz wrote:

Still not heard a better wedding story than my old work mate Andy (best man at wedding) banging the mother of the bride in the evening and the bride finding out. The MiL was divorced at the time, so not that bad.

Years ago a few of us crashed a wedding while away camping... a pal ended up pulling the bride & the best man tried to end it all by jumping out a small tree

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 16:40

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue May 15, 2012 16:40

I want to go to a wedding now.

Or I could just get pissed up in a suit.

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10241

Must have been some strong disease that knocked me for six for 3 days because on the rebound I've had a few beers and cheesy chilli beans on toast - with over-fridge-ripe stilton and my home -made Tabasco nightmare - and feel awesome because of it. My constitution will be the stuff of legend.

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 6:46

Zardoz wrote:

I want to go to a wedding now.

Or I could just get pissed up in a suit.

I only have one more to attend this year.

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 8:13

I really struggle on 7 hours sleep.

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38809

MaliA wrote:

I really struggle on 7 hours sleep.

You're a precious flower

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 8:16

DavPaz wrote:

MaliA wrote:

I really struggle on 7 hours sleep.

You're a precious flower

You wouldn't understand.

It's a beautiful day here, and I'm looking forward to going to Stainburn woods for more mountain biking later. And then beers. Depending on train times/cash monies.

MaliA · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 9:07

Excel 2010 me do, please.

If value in cell A2 is >100 and the value in Sheet 2 B2 is >30 I want it to say ATTENTION, and if not Check?

I've written this, but it doesn't work:

=IF(Sheet1!B2>100,IF Sheet2!B2>30,"Attention","Check",,)

I suppose the question is how do I do IF THEN statements in excel 2010?

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49252

Off the top of my head

IF((sheet1!a1>100) and (sheet1!a2>30),"attention","check")

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 9:21

Grim... · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 9:33

Craster wrote:

Off the top of my head

IF((sheet1!a1>100) and (sheet1!a2>30),"attention","check")

Not sure that's right - doesn't Excel have an 'AND' function?

Code:

IF(AND(sheet1!a1>100,sheet1!a2>30),"attention","check")

Also - fucking Hell Mali, learn to use topics.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49252

Yeah, that's it.

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22423

My SMART failing disk in the NAS is still going strong!
However one of the other disks has just died

I think it is time to buy some replacements...

Hard disk prices seem to be dropping fast, I've just ordered two 3TB drives for £120 each.

BikNorton · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 10241

Seagate 3TB disks have been £120 for a few weeks now. As I said earlier, because they got caught out completely unaffected by the Thai floods, they just put their prices up to match others that were.

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

12 months ago, one of the most able people I've ever worked with left my team. I was gutted.

Today she asked for her job back. And I happen to have a vacancy. Fantastic

WTB · **Joined:** 27th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 14497

"Sorry love, you had your chance!"

*fills vacancy with some other spod*

ApplePieOfDestiny · **Joined:** 17th Dec, 2008 **Posts:** 8293

ApplePieOfDestiny wrote:

most able people I've ever worked

Just in case you missed it.

Cras · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 49252

Is she still up for 'being worked' then?

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 15:28

Did you Impact her?

Trooper · **Joined:** 4th Mar, 2010 **Posts:** 22423

Are you going to offer her a slot?

Grim... · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 16:35

Are you going to decide upon a good position?

GazChap · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 16:55

Are you going to shag her?

Am I doing this rite?

Kern · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 16:59

Will you be defining new paradigms or seeking leverage from key stakeholders?

Zardoz · **Posted:** Wed May 16, 2012 17:04

Will you offer her a competitive salary and inclusion into the company health care scheme after a 3 month period?

Be Excellent To Each Other

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