Be Excellent To Each Other

Philately will get you nowhere

But anyway.

That's pretty awesome. I wish the post office would hand out the interesting stamps by default - they make envelopes so much more interesting then the dull silhouette of Brenda.

That's ace! I wonder how long it took them to work all that lot out?

Fuck Fuck Fuck, I failed my course last week.. by 4 marks.....

I so don't want to resit it!

This was the star trek course right? Bad times dude, do you really need to do it again? I assume you went on it to learn stuff, and I also assume you learnt stuff regardless of what arbitrary mark you were given at the end, does a certificate really matter?

I learnt a lot. Yes it was an Enterprise Architect course

I do need to resist..

No, you need to resit.

It that where you went wrong?

I think turning up is where i went wrong.

Thanks

Then you definitely would have failed.

Gah, last week Sam's second guitar holder fell off the wall, yesterday a map fell off my bedroom wall and about 20 mins ago the bathroom cabinet fell off the wall. I can't decide if all of the walls have suddenly started crumbling or the house is haunted!

Has Joans started plastering now?

Are there a lot of vibrations upstairs?

resistance is futile.

Two chavs outside the shop blowing out huge clouds of cigarette smoke. Stereotypical ones too, tall gangly one with no chin, expensive looking tracksuit and a cursory earring, with his short fat friend with his hat perched Kochanski-style on the back of his head, ratty clothes and that sort of face (you know the kind I mean) where he barely has any eyes.

"Ey bruv, you go into the shop for me?"

No.

Inside the shop, the lady behind the counter (who doesn't seem to wear shoes... hey, it's my store, if people want to see my gnarled old feet they have to or they can fuck off) seems to have the day off. In her place is her tall, elegant, demure daughter. Ommm. NB: "Ommm" is not her name, but rather what the voice in my head said. Still, let's call her Ommm. Ommm was dressed to the hilt, like she's fallen out of a Desi music video, perhaps to contrast with her surroundings of the grottiest Spar in the universe, in a somewhat grotty town in the Welsh Valleys with hatchet-faced old boilers and feral chavs the majority of her custom. Today's hatchet faced old boiler was buying FIVE cans of Grolsch. Not four, not six. Poor Ommm didn't know how much my bottle of Amigos Tequila Beer was, and when the total for my purchases came to £5.93 and I gave her £6.03 she was completely flummoxed and offered me both 50p and £1 change! Oh Ommm. 10p please. Yes. Oh, you're apologizing and gone all flushed now. I'd better leave.

So, my question is this: what's the deal with these aluminum beer bottles? Coors are doing them, Caffreys are doing them, surely it's just a bottle-shaped can? I bought some of the Coors ones for Mrs Metal and she was alarmed but says there's nothing spectacular about them. Is it so violent drunks can now have a variety of weapons, one for each hand, a metal bottle to clonk and stun you with and then a glass one to jam into your face or chest?

In my last flat, my local corner shop had the same gnarled old shoeless woman running it. I think they clone them.
It was always entertaining making a visit, as she was totally batty and couldn't count, I don't think I ever got the correct change in 3 years of going there. Sometimes under, sometimes over, I just took the approach that it didn't matter as it probably evened out in the end...

So, employment agent wants a personal reference, as she's being audited. This person can't be related to me, and can I sort it by tuesday? My offer of emailing me the form and I'll fill it in and sign it was turned down.

Why don't you let a random beexer give you a reference

Ask Robert Webb?

Tell her it isn't you who's being audited, so you don't really care.

Seen you that and raised you:

I've asked MrsA's ex-boyfriend to vouch for me. he'll probably bill the time, too.

What do people expect in references nowadays anyway? "This is to confirm that I consider it highly probable that Person X is a sentient life form of terrestrial origin".

"We were somewhere around Barstow on the edge of the desert when the drugs began to take hold. I remember saying something like "I feel a bit lightheaded; maybe you should drive...."

"Good hair. Can hum the national anthem. Prefers chicken."

"A valuable employee, but for the love of God, if he turns up to work in a red shirt lock away all of your female employees."

Stay classy, Diageo: http://www.brewdog.com/blog-article/diageo-v-brewdog

Your first response was "Actually, it's really handy that you rang today, the next task on my list was calling to see about my pay rise" right?

Heh. That was last week's party time.

If Dog's Trust "never put a healthy dog down", there's no need to send them any money, is there?

They donate them to emergent countries for use in mine clearance programs.

Shocking behaviour.

Remember folks, if you're trying to fix an award, don't engrave the real winner's name on the trophy!

Have a nice weekend, y'all. The beer siren is about to sound for me.

Damn it. I want a beer siren. I shall have to coax Mrs Metal out into Cardiff tomorrow night.

I love the colour of that beer. I want some. City Arms tomorrow perhaps! PETE! Where are you?

yeah, that beer looks yummy.

BEER BEER BEER! Self-enforced drought is over, beer is in me, woo!

Bah! am stuck up in Essex, i want a good Welsh pint!

I have mown the lawn and put the baby to bed.

Wine, get in mah belly!

I am here! Yeah, I'm working 'till 5:30, but I can do a City Arms jaunt. I have a beer saved on my card. Will only be able to have a couple due to being v. poor though, b'oh!

Fingers hurt from ukulele.

Shaka, when the walls fell!

The river Temarc in winter.

head hurts from beer and Chinese food.

Stupid Chinese food, I knew more beer was a better idea.

Oh well, sainsburys are giving me free beer tomorrow, apparently I get to influence what they carry in future by drinking on their tab at Salford stadium. Result!

How much beer have you got down in five hours, man? I've been drinking pretty much continuously and my head is not hurting.

my head is still killing me, we're both really dehydrated. Won't be going back there then.

This seemed like the best place to post it, so wahey! Metal Angel and Kate rock through City Arms driky-fun down here in Cardiff. Much good fun had by all and some really deep conversations had, like: Does fiction provide real apocalypse escape clauses? What were our first Amiga games? How awesome was speaky version Dune point & click? Pretty awesome, goes my conclusion. And we both agreed Black Dynamite rocked and that we would meet again on awesome terms with cake and beer and shit.

P.D: Thanks for standing pints and chips, dudes!

Yes, that was indeed an excellent night. I feel absolutely fine this morning, Kate however is feeling it a bit.

Miracle Mile! Atomic Cafe! ON VHS! Come see.

DUNCAN!



"Well, I'm one of the most highly trained fighting men in the universe, which is why they've stuck me in the otherwise empty banquet hall to count spice. One grain, two grains, three... PAUL! I've lost count. God DAMN it! Why does Gurney get to have all the adventures with you? I'm going to shove that fucking baliset up his stupid inkvine-scarred ass."



"I will kill you with my prehensile pee-tube!"

Bah, can't sleep.
Might start a sheep-counting thread to help other insomniacs.