Be Excellent To Each Other

Goodness.

Happy Beexday! Without you, I would do so much more work.

So I owe Grim £72 but he owes my employer a lot more.

You're all still arses.

Can we go back to WoS now?

Myps just PMed me saying the cake is a lie. Does that count?

4 years. Wow.

A lot has happened in that time, too much to go into here but anyway.. Happy birthday Beex!

Most of us can

Do we get jelly and ice cream...

my all gay what?

4 years. Wow.

A lot has happened in that time, too much to go into here but anyway.. Happy birthday Beex!

Starmix avec un crumble de chips de bœuf

Ingredients

12 packets of Haribo Starmix

A case of the finest beef flavour value crisps you can find

Method

1: Find a big bowl, or a plate, or even a glass – that glass you got from the petrol station will do, don’t worry, the Vimto residue will just add extra flavour.

2: Carefully open the packet of Starmix. As tempting as it is to eat them now – please refrain. Sprinkle the Starmix into the receptacle. Make a nice pattern, mixing the colours up in a pleasing way. Or, if you haven’t consumed any sugar for the last 12 seconds, do it quickly before you lapse into a coma.

3: This step takes time. Use your one and only knife to delicately cut open the case of crisps. Savour the aroma of the packets as you fold back the flaps. Now take each packet of crisps and open them. Grab handfuls of the crisps and crumble them delicately over the Starmix mixture. Handle them gently, like you’re handling a rat that’s being prepared for insertion.

4: Admire your work. Maybe take a photo or two to post on the blog later.

5: Eat! Cram it in your gob as fast as your shaking, sugar addled hands will let you. Do not chew, this wastes time – the acids in your stomach will be enough to digest the meal, and any left undigested will simply get massed into a large brick like poo that you’ll squeeze out over the course of several painful hours tomorrow.

The baked confectionery is a fabrication.

It's been a blast.

Give Stuart £2 a month. Make a real difference to a real life.

I know, I know… like anyone you’d love to give Stuart a well deserved donation but, frankly, your rent isn’t getting any cheaper and working at the hospice 9-5 every day hasn’t exactly made you a big spender…

But wait a minute. He’s only asking for £2 a month. That’s the price of a sandwich, or under 7p a day. Not much is it?

£2 is, however, the cost of a laying hen in Mozambique, providing a supply of food and income for a family. Or more to the point, one blissful month’s subscription to poorly written articles about crisps.

It could also pay for a set of textbooks for a schoolchild in Mali.

In fact, within six months, your money could buy up to 36 litres of sugar water for an overweight social pariah to joylessly throw down his throat like some brain-damaged gannet.

So I guess it comes down to this; do you want to keep your money and spend it on the trivialities of our cosseted Western lifestyle, or do you want to make a real difference to the life of a little man in a beanbag, fuming at the all the world outside his window? A world which let us not forget contains several people who donate £2 a month for this man to spend on absolute crap for himself, like some cruelly distorted parody of a famine-wracked Ethiopian child.

So look at him now, in your mind’s eye.

What do you see?

I see an obnoxious and sweaty little man becalmed on his beanbag shovelling Starmix into his sour, scowling face. You might see something different, perhaps you see a pinch-faced ratman with all the social graces of a freshly sucked cock, or an acidic little gnoll with a bizarre hair cut. But the fact remains that he needs your help to import the Jolly Ranchers and limited edition real-sugar Coca Cola he so desperately needs.

Your conscience knows the right thing to do.

Move on, man.

It could also pay for a set of textbooks for a schoolchild in MaliA.

Grim... is posh?

I see an obnoxious and sweaty little man becalmed on his beanbag shovelling Starmix into his sour, scowling face. You might see something different, perhaps you see a pinch-faced ratman with all the social graces of a freshly sucked cock, or an acidic little gnoll with a bizarre hair cut.