Be Excellent To Each Other

I watched Fast 5 the other day. And I firmly believed that what happened to Dom and Walker after the train job was the stupidest thing I had ever seen in a film.
Until the ending, that is, when the "heist" took place. Those that have seen it or don't mind it being spoiled can view the following video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOwrVLEmtaQ

Seriously, I can't think of anything less realistic than that (not just the bit on the video above, but the whole thing) - every bit of it was broken. Can you?

My first thought was Die Hard 4.0 for this bit -



but then I remembered the whole truck vs fighter plane scene.

This bit of the admittedly pretty ridiculous Transporter 2 takes the biscuit:

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED THERE? Stupid as well as poorly edited.

It's not actiony, but the whole of Law Abiding Citizen is pretty stupid.

Ah, good call.

I wouldn't include things like Crank, because they're clearly meant to be stupid, but Transporter is fair game.

Haha, I saw that last night, it was awesomely daft.

GLITTERING FUCKING VAMPIRES!!!

You'll laugh and you'll cringe. (Seriously, every minute of this film is colossally stupid. It's one of the worst big-budget Hollywood flicks I've seen.)

For sheer audience contempt, it has to be Transformers 2 when they walk out of the back of the Smithsonian Museum in Washington DC to look at some old bomber planes that are held out in the desert in ArizosorrywhattheFUCK?

Or you could just put that down to shite editing. So, maybe it's the bit in the The Day the Earth Stood Still remake when...

Scene: Some military base. Night.

Great Brains of the Earth: "You have roused the Great Brains of the Earth out of bed, Defence Secretary Kathy Bates, and sped us in many motorcades in a creepy manner through the night without explanation. What ails thee?"

Kathy Bates: "You are the greatest brains and Earth's only hope! There is a super-fast homing meteor headed towards New York, when it hits, there will be an explosion in region of many megatons!"

Great Brains of the Earth: "As a culturally diverse mix of scientists, we, the Great Brains of the Earth, heed your call. What needs must we do in the face of this appalling thermo-nuclear prospect?"

Kathy Bates: "Hover around in helicopters and report back from the impact site. Go to Central Park - now!"

Great Brains of the Earth: "Sounds good to us. Let us report on this meteorite impact - FIRST HAND."

Kathy Bates: "Yes! And take sexy Jennifer Connelly from Labyrinth with you, though not, for some reason, her whiny kid who the audience will be wishing dead soon anyway."

Me: "WTF? This is stupid. The only way you could get them to do that is if the editor suddenly nonsensically cut to them flying around in choppers barely roof-top height as some sort of tense count-down was committed while they all stared at their special space-radar tracking laptops, and that ain't going to happen, 'cos they're the Great Brains of the Earth and they're not fucking stupid enough to take a field trip to ground zero when they could watch from a nuclear bunker in Colerado. Clearly they'll now patiently explain to her why getting them front row seats to a high-mass high-kinetic-energy impact event is a fucking stupid idea."

Cut to choppers flying around with scientists doing an ominous countdown before suddenly talking about how the big meteorite is against-all-science slowing down and thus won't kill the Great Brains of the Earth after all.

Me: "DAMNITT!"

I CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT MY MAN AND AM GOING TO MAKE OUT THAT MY PERFECTLY LOVELY FATHER IS A COMPLETE BASTARD.

You rang?

I'm not sure where the stupid begins and ends in TPM but from the failure to shoot the jedi while they were in their ship to the failure to keep them locked in the room full of gas forever to the stowing away on seperate ships which could end up thousands of miles apart to the trade federation being against trade to the major galactic bodies being led by imbeciles who do what a mysterious evil man in a hood tells them for no reason to the army landing on the opposite side of the planet from whom they are invading to the capture of the queen who they then parade across town until jedis they know are missing rescue her to the landing on tatooine and sending all the boisterous, annoying mongs out to 'remain inconspicuous' and buy a part while the two sensible guys stay on the ship doing fuck all to the weird business with Watto where there's a hundred simpler ways they could have sorted their part out to the midi cholrians to the issue of training the kid who was too old then not too old and....

...just...

the Phantom Menace, alright, the whole fucking thing.

There's not actually a stupider film at all, once you consider it in the context of the formerly vaguely internally consistent universe in which it was set.

/edit We've all seen the Red Letter Media deconstructions, yes?

Yes. I still treasure the supremely pissed off 'can't fucking stand this guy' look Hayden Christiansen's got burning into George Lucas as the bearded oaf gives half-assed direction in that behind the scenes footage in part-whaetever.

As well as the obvious 'the whole film' thing, 300 has a few. The worst is when it's revealed the Persians have some demon that looks like it's from Doom, made of weapons, that can kill people without trying.

Is it on the front line, where the Spartans are clogged into a little ginnel, and he could wipe them out row by row?

No. He's way, way back, killing his fellow Persians who have failed Xerxes.

Maybe he was scared?

The bit where a freakin' safe plummets through the F-35's front lift fan, completely shredding it, and yet the F-35 somehow carries on hovering and doesn't instantly start flipping end-over-end like a huge catherine wheel before it smacks into the ground... That makes me cringe down in my seat every single time that I see it.

On the other hand, Lucy McLean is rather nice. And Kevin Smith is most amusing in his command centre.

Pretty much the whole of the original Italian Job. It's one of those films that wasn't bad the first time you saw it, but got worse on each subsequent occasion, topped off by the particularly stupid ending on every occasion.

That would be pretty stupid too.

Thread over.

Does this mean you've all seen Twilight?!

forced is the word you are looking for

The fact that they glitter is clearly the stupidest thing about a film where vampires exist.

OH NO WAIT

So how do you know they're glittery?

I have seen Twilight. And the TEN TIMES WORSE sequel and the not awful 3rd one and OH MY GOD KILL ME WITH OWN EYES fourth one.

Although to be fair, I didn't really watch the fourth one. I was playing minecraft at the time. What I heard was bad enough.

I don't. I guessed that's what they were on about. It's hardly a cult vampire phenomenon.

THEYE PLAYIN A ROWL!!!!!111111