Be Excellent To Each Other

FML.

One of the first things I said when I opened the envelope with the tickets in was "That's the BEEX cottage weekend!"

Have a good time you cunts

Edit: We will still have fun that weekend, but there'll be less swearing, shouting and geeking about

More likely to be in, then.

You know when we say things like "Who the fuck already has plans for something in 8 months' time"? It's for this very reason. Booking things in October is just selfish.

That's when the tour is.

In fact, you're right. I should just call them up and get them to give us two weeks' notice next time.

SHELLFISH.

Can you kill her properly this year, Craster?

I'll do what I can. I clearly got the mix slightly wrong last time.

I'm not sure she'll fall for "just put this in your mouth, it'll be fine" again though - I think she's been caught out by that a few too many times.

She's been falling for that one for years now. Works every time. Just do it. And then have that go at killing her.

Every year, I say 'next year'. This year is no different, I'm afraid.

I am in. Mrs Doc G is not. However, I may have a Surprise Plus One in the form of Extreme Beex Lurker The Egg[1].

However.

The Egg snores for Britain. He once woke me up in my sleep from, like, fifteen rooms away. There is a non-zero chance he will wake people up in the other cottage. There's a non-zero chance he'll wake people up in other counties. What's the most isolated sleeping arrangements the two cottages offer? Could we take old mattresses as sound baffles or something?

[1] Srsly, the guy reads more posts here than I do.

Stick him on the snooker table.

Stick him in the conservatory, and tape cushions to the doors and windows.

He can sleep in the tennis court.

Why not Mrs Doccy G? Does she not love us any more?

Looks as if it's just Zeppo and I, yeah. I'll get ten poorly octopuses sent to you ASAP.

Sorry, I'm worming the cat that day.

You all joke, this is no joke. He might actually hit the resonance frequency to cause the whole main building to collapse. I wonder if Mrs Egg is in fact profoundly deaf and incredibly skilled at lip reading to have stayed Mrs Egg this long.

(or it could be true love)




Inadvertently appropriately, the cat goes MEOW!

Haha Nice comeback

It's pay-day. I can throw you the £60 today if you need it, Curio.

Yes please!

Money thus far from:

Me
The wife
Grim...
Craster
APOD
Mrs APOD

Go on then, you bunch of fuckers, I'll pop along if there is still room.

Ping me the payment details Curio.

Huzzah!

Done.

Stupid stupidly expensive month.

Further details! I will update the first post at some point with all info.

Cost is 2470 all in. This is more than previous years.

We currently have 28 people who have said yes (and some more maybes). 2470/28 = 88quid (ish) each.

But that will go up and/or down depending on numbers.

If we get in excess of 30 people, we'll have to apportion double beds and then single beds on a triage basis.

Any more for any more?

Also, I have to pay the deposit now, so please chuck me thirty quid each to confirm your spot. Deposit is refundable.

Wait a moment, how many sick and/or injured people are going, exactly?

Is it Before Craster's Poison Surprise: 0

After: 30+ ?

That's what I call one of my favourite sexual manoeuvres.

DM me details of how I'm supposed to pay this, guy.

You want to pay for Craster's Poison Surprise?

Basically if people have genuine reasons why they should have a double bed or a big room or whatever, then they get first dibs. Like a proper bad back or a screaming child or a morbid fear of single beds.

Are there going to be screaming kids going? Or are you talking about Joans?

In all seriousness, are there likely to be many 'children' (as opposed to babies) coming along? I am asking because I think you have to be a bit more guarded about your behaviour (physically and verbally) around toddlers than you are around young babies, and I just wonder what it is going to be 'like' as I only have experience of last year where things were kind of anything goes and I didn't feel people were being too guarded. We were discussing the Cottage Meet and I just wondered if you envisioned if it might be different, mostly because I'm worried about tripping over crawling children because I am clumsy and inadvertently teaching them to say rude words.

You can say dirty stuff at the Tinkers meets.

I'm hoping to be able to teach Riles Jr. to say 'Fuck you, you cunting fuck' in response to everything Riles says. Babies between 15-18 months are like sponges, they'll get an education.

Oh I know.... lol

Or if I eat a cheese mountain again - thrown up on.

You may be late for that.

I don't expect that there will be many, if any, kids. The only ones potentially coming are mine and APOD's, and I doubt either of us will be much bothered unless you stamp on their heads. To be honest, I think my wife is going to try to convince his that they could be having more fun elsewhere instead.

In conclusion, other than potentially having one 'quiet house' like last time when babies are sleeping, I don't think there will be any need to modify behaviour at all.

Can you remind us of the number and distribution of beds, Curio?

My sexcrement will be going. I wouldn't ask anyone to be guarded with their behaviour, verbally or physically, although I would ask that you don't swing tablelamps at my head while I'm holding the boy.

I would expect that he will be walking by that point (possibly by next week at this rate), but in all honesty I think that he will spend much time in the living room of the other cottage, as with last year.

We do have a question mark as to whether the same arrangements as last year, (where we took a room in the small house for peace and quiet for the babies), are appropriate this year - the kids should be going to bed around 7pm, and so it may actually be easier for us to be in the main house, otherwise one of us will have to constantly be away from the crowd in the evening, (although Ali may welcome that). I say that because I'd imagine that he will be able to sleep through quite a lot of noise, the noise doesn't pass upstairs very badly unless you have the room over the living room, and if he slept alone in the small cottage, we're inviting McCann comparisons, and frankly, I've burnt some bridges there.

Ultimately, I'm sure Ali and Maria will take that thought process out of our hands.

You owe me £30.

Never mind, I looked myself:

Rooms with double-and-single beds: 4
Rooms with double beds: 3
Rooms with twin beds: 8

So that's easy accommodation for 7 couples (in double beds) and another 16 people in single beds (sharing rooms), for 30 people in total. (I am aware Curio already knew this, I am thinking aloud). There's another four single beds available in rooms with a double bed, for people in to... interesting... sleeping arrangements.

Raw data:

Booked.

I think that's where MrsA and I stayed twice. It's quite good as you're at the end of the plumbing run, so if you sing in the shower, the whole house can hear you.

Shotgun rules.

Oh. I assumed it was the room Grim... and I had both years.



Of course. Grim... owns a shotgun, I believe. Does anyone else?

It was in the other cottage and has twin single ebds and a shower and sink at the end of the room. The room is long and thin.

I do. While I suspect that's one of the worst rooms in the place, it's become tradition now.

I'm quite handy with an 1861 Springfield. Don't make me show you my bayonet