Be Excellent To Each Other

BeExodus 20:1-29

1. And Grim... spake all these words, saying,

2. I am the LORD thy Grim..., which have brought thee out of the land of WoS, out of the house of bondage, to this holy place, this place of most excellence.

3. Thou shalt have no other Grim...s before me.

4. Zardoz shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is a tank-thing, or that is in the water under the earth:

5. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy Grim... am a jealous Grim..., visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the clique unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me;

6. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments. Or if you don’t like it, start a schism and fuck off.

7. Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy Grim... in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain. (THREE MINUTE BAN.)

8. Remember to be excellent to each other, and to keep it holy.

9. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:

10. But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy Grim...: in it thou shalt not do any work (barring essential site maintenance), thou, nor thy son, nor thy Perkies, nor thy daughter, thy manservant (Richard Gaywood), nor thy maidservant (myp), nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates (Craster):

11. For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, DavPaz’s massive fucking head, and all that in them is, including this most excellent forum, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

12. Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the most excellent server which the LORD thy Grim... giveth thee, even if the default clock settings are still out by an hour.

13. Thou shalt not kill. Except Zardoz.

14. Thou shalt not commit adultery. Except Zardoz’s missus.

15. Thou shalt not steal. Except from Zardoz.

16. Thou shalt purchase Dark Souls. Even Zardoz likes it.

17. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour. Except against Zardoz.

18. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass (fnar), nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

19. Except anything that belongeth to Zardoz.

20. And all the people saw the thundering of JC’s furious typing, and the lightnings of Richard Gaywood’s many Apple products, and the noise of Ian Fairies’ trumpet, and the distant Swedish sighs of a Nikachu: and when the people saw it, they removed, and stood afar off. Except Zardoz.

21. And they said unto Moses, Speak thou with us, and we will hear: but let not Grim... speak with us, lest we die of boredom as he bangs on about servers and offroading and that.

22. And Moses said unto the people, Fear not: for Grim... is come to prove you, and that his fear may be before your faces, that ye sin not. (Except Zardoz?)

23. And the people stood afar off, and Moses drew near unto the thick darkness where Grim... was. Probably coding or something.

24. And the LORD said unto Moses, Thus thou shalt say unto the children of Beteosrael, Ye have seen that I have talked with you from the Administrator account.

25. Ye shall not make with me Grim...s of silver, neither shall ye make unto you Grims... of gold. Ye shall make a Zardoz of shit.

26. An altar of earth thou shalt make unto me, and shalt sacrifice thereon thy burnt offerings, and thy peace offerings, thy sheep, thy Zardoz, and thine oxen: in all places where I record my name I will come unto thee (fnar), and I will bless thee.

27. And if thou wilt make me an altar of stone, thou shalt not build it of hewn stone: for if thou lift up thy tool upon it (fnar), thou hast polluted it.

28. Neither shalt thou go up by steps unto mine altar, that thy nakedness be not discovered thereon.

29. Also, couldst thou get one of our many excellent lawyers to proof this before thou wasteth stone tablets?

BeExodus 21:1-something

1. Now these are the judgments which thou shalt set before them.

2. Moses said unto the people, Fuck me, my inbox has been spammed to fuck, mostly people nominating the same posts over and over. I cannot wait for this week of hell to end. I have hadeth more email this week than any week I care to remember. Please. Stop nominating posts.

3. If thou an Bobbyaro, amateurish thou must be. viewtopic.php?p=613837#p613837

4. Thou shalt follow recipes of Rodafowa, lest thou suffer an flavourless life. viewtopic.php?p=614147#p614147

5. Thou art *cough, splutter*. Ahem. AHEM. *cough*. Right, sod this. You try talking Ye Olde Bible speak for longer than five minutes. I might be Moses, but if I can use the internet, I can talk internet as well. Seriously, this took me fucking ages.

6. DIMRILL IS BACK! HE RETURNS! viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6948&p=614037#p614037 He was nominated for so many POTW awards, it’s probably better to just check his post history because I can’t be arsed to list them. Well done Dimrill.

7. Gaywood shows Zardoz who’s boss. Fuck you, Zardoz. viewtopic.php?p=614538#p614538

8. MaliA is in with a shout for most-nominated post of genuine Excellence this week with a little story about Mr Chris. Whoever that is. viewtopic.php?p=614557#p614557

9. DavPaz lays the smackdown on a trash-talking female. Big-head style. viewtopic.php?p=614571#p614571

10. Mr Kissyfur extends a traditional Beex welcome to new member Darkness88. He only wanted some Xbox Live Gold. I’m sure he’ll come back for the conversation eventually. viewtopic.php?p=614628#p614628

11. Zardoz manages to crack a genuinely witty physics/Ireland joke. Rather than laugh, people congratulate him disbelievingly. viewtopic.php?p=614875#p614875

12. myp is having a great week. viewtopic.php?p=614885#p614885

13. Ramsea suggests a practical solution to myp’s Xbox woes. viewtopic.php?p=615065#p615065

14. WTB cracks ANOTHER funny. This time about Gaywood’s height. Is there no end to the length and breadth of this guy’s material? viewtopic.php?p=615396#p615396

15. Perkies forces us all to take a good long look at ourselves in the mirror. Grow up, eh? viewtopic.php?p=615306#p615306

16. Being Moses, I wasn’t aware of this “Nina Conti” person until now. Either way, markg has a bloody good point. viewtopic.php?p=615048#p615048

BeExodus 22:1-who cares anymore?

1. BIG KID/POSSIBLE PAEDOPHILE HAS PATHETIC HOBBY FUCKED ABOUT WITH. viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7850

2. Dark Souls or Skyrim? Dark Souls.

3. Grim... entertained us all with Sim Beex. A scarily accurate simulation of life at a Beex meet. Complete with sulky emo pissy-pants Malabar. viewtopic.php?f=3&t=8069

4. Movember is still going. Get your donations in if you haven’t already. myp needs them to pay his credit card bill. viewtopic.php?f=3&t=4916&start=180

5. THE END

This is a work of fiction. All characters and events are made up, except the following
DavPaz
Zardoz
zaphod79
Mr Russell
kalmar
MaliA
Malc
WTB
Curiosity
TheVision
ApplePieOfDestiny
Trooper
flis
MrKissyfur
Doctor Glyndwr

In fairness, CUS lead us from WoS.

HOW EASILY THEY FORGET.

Amazing.

Needed more Thous

Dark souls.

Oh, good work there.

I can't believe I only got one POTW. I've been amazing this week.

WHY HAST THOU FORSAKEN ME?!

Nah.

This is the best BEEX WEEK ever.

9:04am?! DavPaz, you promised me 1337 o'clock!

The Bible isn't noted for its accuracy!

I can't believe you plagiarised my genesis, and hence denied me of my sequel the next time I was nominated beexweexer.

I want fucking royalties.

Aw, has it been done before? I genuinely didn't see it!

It was pretty forgettable.

I promised NOTHING!

To be fair he did put it up at (just past) 1337 o'clock. That timestamp must be when he first saved the draft.

Ah right. What a jackass.

Sterling work!

Oh, bravo sir.

BeeXWeeX of the Year!

That was ace!

Brilliant stuff.

I was trying to get pretty much everyone's name in the BEEXODUS, but I just couldn't squeeze everyone in because of Zardoz. Apologies to those I left out. You may take out your anger on Zardoz.

Great stuff. King James finallly has decent competition.

Wait, this was WTB?!