Be Excellent To Each Other

God help me, I'm playing Sims 3 again. So, I decided to make a house full of Beexers, and see what they would do.

I've left things pretty much random in the "create sim" stage - obviously trying to make them look a bit like their real-life counterparts, and giving them obvious personality traits where appropriate - I won't say what they were, as it's time to guess the Beexers!

We have six Beex men to identify (there is a woman in the screenies, but she's just there to look after "the boys" - unfortunately she's a neurotic, insane, evil vegetarian ).

Once they're in their house, I'll get them obvious jobs that head them toward their life goal, or just grab the first job in the paper if that doesn't matter. I've wound the "free will" up to max, and I'll just let them go and report on what happens.

Stand by for "moving in!"

So, day 1 - it's time for the Beexers to meet each other (and their psychotic house-maid).

Meet and greet! The Beexers stand on their empty plot, and start to chat.


As the house takes shape around them, about his love of fishing, while dreams of the stars.


is either planning his career, or thinking about what he'd like to drive through the communal bedroom. As you look at these pictures, you may notice that there aren't actually enough beds.


plays on the computer, while frugal worries about money. The Beex household is already in debt.


bores the help by going on about computers.


But who's this flirty, yet hopeless romantic barging in on the conversation? Only ten minutes into the day, and cock-blocked already.

This is actually awesome

No more spoiler tags from now on - if you want to guess who everyone is you'll have to work it out from the pictures above.

There's someone at the door! But nearly everyone has gone out to get a job, Cookie is learning to cook, and Mali (who got his job in the paper) is too busy playing on the PC to care.


Finally paying attention, Mali takes neighbor Erin around the side of the house by the bins to say hello.


Immediately, hopeless romantic Mali tries a chat-up line - but it fails. His red shirt has let him down!


Next, he asks her if she's single. She isn't.



Getting nowhere with the neighborhood ice-queen, Mali asks her to leave and heads back to his computer game.

You fucking cunt

Craster and Grim... play Madden (although Craster seems to think he's playing World of Tanks, or something) while overly-emotional Malabar sulks in the corner.


Cookie puts her newly-gained point of cooking skill to good use, and makes everyone peanut-butter sandwiches. Excellently, the whole household sits down to eat - except for Myp, who doesn't like peanut butter. Cookie was a bit upset.


Mali tries to hit on Cookie. He tells her she looks good.


She doesn't actually recoil in horror, so Mali pushes on with a less than subtle suggestion.


She likes him! But remember, she's psychotic.

Joans plays Burnie P, while the two gingers get to know each other. Craster looks rather smitten by Cookie - they both love to cook, after all. However, he's not the only one getting damp between the legs - Mali seems to have spotted a new, somewhat chunkier, target...

I fear 'Cookie' was a poor choice of Girl's name as we have a member with that name.

Who's a boy.

This could possibly be the funniest thing ever.

Shit! Completely forgot about him. Sorry, real Cookie!

She's called that because she cooks, obv.

Die.

Beat me to it

Everybody decides to turn in.

Even Malabar's pajamas are emo


As everybody nods off, I suddenly realise that there are enough beds, so someone must be missing.


Where the fuck is Myp going?


He has walked for miles.


He arrives, knackered and desperate for a piss, at the cemetery. Which is a bit freaky.


Breaking into a run, he heads for one of the graves...


And bursts into tears





Gaining control, he heads for another grave...


But it turns out he's only gone to look at the sunflowers. He appears to have remembered that he's fucking knackered, and miles from home.


He makes the sensible choice, and heads back to a home with no beds for him to sleep in.

I do like walking.

Lucky for Myp, Cookie is using IM on the PC, so he can take her bed. He will only have six hours sleep before starting his job as a Coffee Courier in the morning.


Two hours later, after apparently making an "innapropriate forum post" (I'm not making this up - I've got to remember to make her check back tomorrow for replies, according to the hints) and preparing breakfast ready for when everybody gets up, Cookie has to make do with the sofa.

Everyone's up - apart from Myp. Mali is dressed in his army gear - he has to leave the house at 6am. Good job Cookie made breakfast!


Myp finally drags himself up. He's fucking ruined.


Everybody's eating, except for Craster, who's addicted to Madden, and Mali, who has already left.


Malabar hung around to wash up, then had to run for his school bus. Note that Craster is still playing Madden.


Finally, Craster's stomach rebels, and Madden gets switched off.


He makes some grilled cheese, but slobby old Craster doesn't think to use a plate.

Nice wifebeater, too.

Thread of the year.

Most people have gone to work, Cookie is in bed and Craster is dressed in his Kitchen Scullion gear, and will be picked up in about an hour.

Washing up is clearly a waste of food.


Oh, that's just fucking creepy.


Malabar arrives home from school just after Craster leaves, but then has to go out again straight away to his part-time job at the book store.


While Cookie takes a whore's bath in front of the sink (even though both showers are free), Grim... reads about "logic" and Joans plays a game, Mali whines about Myp being on the PC.

For reasons only she knows, Cookie dresses in her swimming gear and sets about making dinner.


Even though the stench coming off Grim... is now actually visible, he'd much rather be eating than doing something about it. Cookie is rather grubby in the background, too.


While most of the gang sleeps, Grim... and Cookie do something about their hygiene.


What's this? Craster arrives home from work and starts putting the moves on Cookie (who has decided that a formal gown is the attire of choice for this evening).


Look at his shit-eating grin


Wait, what the fuck


Straight after snogging the psychopath, Craster heads to bed. Cookie sits at the table alone.

Poor Cookie... looks like she was hosting a dinner party and nobody came

The trauma, rejection and accompanying self-loathing would explain the 'incident' with Craster, obviously.

I have no idea what this is about, but it's hilarious

This is better than Big Brother has ever been! Amazing!

I can't wait to find out what happens next

It's morning. Most of the Beexer's have gone to work / school.


Craster (who has the 'clumsy' trait) has broken the computer.


Oh, this can only end well.


Bugger me, he's fixed it!*


Now Cookie has broken the sink.


Malabar has bought a chick home! Clearly, the first thing you want to do with your new friend is bring them to meet this lot.


Oh, guess who butted in, though. Myp wants some of that salad, but Mali is too busy getting to know the chick in the short shorts to let him past.


While Grim... takes on the sink, Mali invites Citss to stay for dinner. Look carefully, and you'll see he's playing footsie with her. Rather roughly. Malabar, I later realise, has stormed off in a strop. He hates Mali.


Sink repaired, Grim... goes to watch Cookie take yet another whore's bath. She doesn't seem to care at the time...


...but then it seems the shock kicks in and she sits on the bog, staring at the wall. Note that Citss is still there.


Now the fucking telly's broken!


Joans starts to fix it, but then gets a little bit hungry and gives up.


After he's sat in the park and sulked for too long about Mali moving in on his chick, five-oh picks up Malabar and drops him home.


Grim... puts the boot in, and then, fresh from the success of fixing the sink...


...cooks himself trying to fix the TV. (Citss is still there).


Shrugging off clear third-degree burns, Grim... hits the sack.


*I was so sure he was going to fry himself I was recording a video and everything.**
** And then I almost missed it when Grim... did it.

Craster makes short work of the TV, while Citss finally leaves. It's 3am.


Wait, no she doesn't! She's just gone to shout at Myp, who is telling her she's there too late. Myp has the 'grumpy' trait.

This is superb! MrsA and I have been laughing our heads off about it.

And then she hit me for hitting on chicks. Saying 'poor Malabar'.

Uh-oh...


Back to the "action"!
It's 4:30am. Mali, who went to bed early, gets up to play video games. Cookie slings on her cossie and goes to plant some lettuce.


Perhaps remembering what happened the last time she put it on, Cookie changes into an evening gown after breakfast and goes into the bedroom to talk to Craster. He ignores her, though, because he is reading a cookbook.


While Craster "tinkers" with the cooker, Malabar has bought another chick back from school to meet his housemates. This time, however, Mali is at work!


Even though he reeks, Malabar gives it all he's got.


Oh shit, guess who's home?


Still, she doesn't seem so impressed with Mali's talk of space men.

Joans was dreaming about a stereo, and the house had a fair bit of cash, so I bought him a state of the art one.


As soon as it appeared, Joans slung down his sandwich and got up to try it out.


Within moments, everyone had joined in.




(Note Malabar blanking everyone on his way to the shower)

Craster has gone back to hammering, and Cookie has ripped apart another fucking sink. Joans and Mali are still dancing, however.


Skimpy garment in place, Cookie goes to check the forum.
She caused a flounce! Now she's going to try trolling someone.


Joans and Mali have been dancing together for three hours*. Malabar uses the free time to chat up his chick.

*Look at the concentration on Joans' face!

Joans finally goes to bed, and Mali starts to mop up the mess in the bathroom. He doesn't seem to grasp that as soon as he mops up the puddle, the broken tap replaces it.


He's been at it for some time, now. He was exhausted before he started.


Stopping for a much-needed wee, Mali fucks up the toilet as well.


While Mali continues to mop up Sisyphus' bathroom, Myp makes the sensible decision and calls up a repair guy for fifty bucks an hour.


Mali continues his belm marathon and Myp sits down to write a novel. It is called [Balls, I've replaced my clipboard with the spelling of 'sisyphus'. It was something like "The Valley of Frankie MacKrakken"].


The repair man turns up, but it's a repair woman! Guess who manages to drag himself away from the flood and chat her up (at fifty bucks an hour, I might add)? Note that the woman is thinking about the extra money she's going to make.


While "Spanners" gets busy with the plunger, Mali starts mopping again.


He's knackered...


...but he just can't leave Spanners alone. At fifty bucks an hour.


Finally, the inevitable happens, and Mali collapses from exhaustion. Spanners gets back to work. God knows what Myp is doing in the background. Note the new burglar alarm on the left.


After waking Mali up only a few minutes after he collapsed, Myp jumps into the only remaining bed. What a cunt

This sounds entirely plausible.

Oh, I don't fucking believe it...


While Malabar crams his homework twenty minutes before his bus arrives, Mali sits at the table like a zombie. Why won't he go to bed?


Oh, I don't fucking believe it!


Joans looks really sad in this one. I'll have to try and find out why.


Obviously.


No prizes for guessing what Grim... is looking at. Although I'd say they were almost the exact opposite of pancakes...
[edit]Oh, he's thinking about waffles. Well, I'm leaving that there now. I'm surprised I've gone this far without mentioning the fact that Cookie has a fucking gargantuan set on her.


Although every bed is now free, Mali bunks down on the sofa, missing his ride to work. Cookie is tending her garden

Is this actually what happened in the cottage?

This might be the greatest thing ever.

Digital Malabar is so much better at picking up girls than I am. Even if they keep getting red-shirted.

This is the best thing I've ever seen in my entire life ever.

Very much :This:

Also: Malabelm looks like he should be in My Chemical Romance.

What's new?

Craster sets about upgrading the cooker to "Fireproof". Mali wakes up, moves to the other sofa (presumably, further from Craster's hammering) and goes back to sleep.


Cookie goes to check on the response to her troll post, but fucks up the PC again.


Mali tries to stick his oar in the water, but all Cookie wants to talk about is Craster.


And then she goes even fucking insaner.


Myp snaps her out of it by telling her about his promotion. Good work, Myp!


Wait, what the fuck, when did the how the what now?
Note Grim...'s awesome work outfit. Murse! Also note Craster in the background, and the clarity of what he's thinking. All Joans can think about is the broken computer.


Myp complains to Cookie about her 'inappropriateness'. Whether he's got Craster's back or he thinks they should get a room in unclear. In the background, Craster, perhaps a little rattled by what just happened, switches careers from cooking to being a criminal.


Probably thinking about Myp's cash injection, Cookie starts talking about going away together. Myp quickly forgets that he's angry with her.


Hypocrisy is for winners. It's less than an hour since Cookie snogged Mali - and look on the far right of the screen - it's a red shirt


Heartbreaking. Just heartbreaking.

Hussy.

Well, yes, quite.

Cannot stop laughing.

Joans is 'extreme' and Cookie is 'bat-shit mental', so they are both giving Madden all they have.


Grim... is either reading a book, or putting his name on the 'Cookie Waiting List'. Joans and Cookie bet the washing up on the current game, and Joans doesn't think he's going to lose. Craster is writing an email to someone (having fixed the PC some time ago), Myp is dreaming about being the boss, and Mali is dreaming about space rockets.


Cookie and Malabar haven't liked each other since Cookie told him to do his homework. As soon as he sits down, she leaves, making Joans the winner. In the background, Craster is "overclocking" the PC.


Craster's cooking is as useless as his fireproofing.


Do something about it, you pussy!


Astoundingly, it's Cookie who has her head on straight. Sprinting over while phoning the fire brigade, she yanks out a fire extinguisher and fucking deals while Craster begs her not to let him die.


Just to make sure Craster knows what he's done, Cookie chooses the moment the fridge catches alight to point out that, actually, she's fucking hungry.


Finally, the professionals have arrived!


Rather than fight the fire, Captain Hose decides to nail Craster with some CO₂. I think that's fair enough.

Amaze!

She's such a slut! I think Craster has had a lucky escape and shouldn't be too worried. I can't believe he's going to be a criminal
I really want to play sims 3 again now. I'll need to buy it again, daft Willow chewed the disc when she was a puppy.

Fire dealt with, Captain Hose drops to one knee and adopts the "Who Da Man" position. The fridge is okay, but the cooker is fucked. Somebody thinks now is the time to consider a new PC.


Before Captain Hose can leave, Cookie starts telling him a ghost story.


Apparently he really likes ghost stories. Or massive tits.


Cookie asks him to hang out (while getting a phone call from the insurance company, who are only going to pay a paltry 400 bucks for a 1k oven). He says yes.


It appears he quickly gets the hang of Cookie's role in life.
Note that as a treat for sorting out the fire I've bought Cookie a top of the range cooker and dishwasher, and made them both her favourite colour - black.

Prying him away from the PC, Cookie and Captain Hose have a boogie. Look a da likkle heawts above der heads


Myp rocks up home, and it doesn't look like he ever expected to be in it for the long haul. He sits down and chats to Cookie and Captain Hose (although quite what the fuck they're chatting about is anyone's guess).


He even does the dishes. Myp appears to have his head screwed on the right way.


Or maybe not...

This is Myp delivering the "let's just be friends" speech. Notice that the likkle heawts have gone - is Cookie worried about Myp leaving her?


Probably not any more.


Captain Hose doesn't think Myp should have hit Cookie. Myp things Captain Hose can go and fuck himself. Now, I like Myp, and I like Captain Hose, but which is better? There's only one way to find out...


FIGHT!