Be Excellent To Each Other

Mine was "Good morning."

It was at a bus stop.

Pretty sure mine was as well. It was when I help a mate move into student halls.

Actually, on that basis it was probably 'Good afternoon'.

Probably, 'hiya, alright?'. It was in a pub.

Not quite verbatim: "Thanks for the offer, I'll bear it in mind... can you send me a photo of yourself?"

Because we first spoke over the Internet, I can be exact:which was in response to #comment-16894960" class="postlink">this.

Then there were a few emails that evening, then nothing for a few days until this:Which was in reply to #comment-16997733" class="postlink">this comment on my blog.

"Hi, I'm Simon - I've come for the job interview."

(Seriously lol)

I knew you must have worked in porn at some point!

"What would you like?"

This was in response to my sister calling me over, and saying, "Maria, this is Andy. He's rich, and will buy you a drink".

Her first words to me were "Southern Comfort, please."

Nah, I said 'job interview', not 'read the meter' or 'fix the plumbing'.

I have no idea, because I don't remember when I met her. It was probably a mumbled, depressed and disinterested "Hello" or "Morning" accompanied by a weak, forced smile.

What I do remember from between meeting her and meeting her though is her asking if I was growing a "beard for England," to which my obvious reply was "What? Er, no. I've no idea what that is. I'm just lazy" and her follow-up "Good, because if you were I'd have to slap you."

It was something entirely unromantic about slugs.

I was the first of a group of four of us into the most awful student house you'd ever seen, by the time she arrived with her dad I'd managed to reduce the kitchen's danger status from 'critical threat to human health' to 'probably alright if you wear gloves and don't breathe too much'.

Removing the large number of slugs from the kitchen was part of that process.

I do not have a wife, however I do know how my parents met

John Peel: [my dad] this is [my uncle sound guy at radio caroline]'s sister and Peter Frampton's girlfriend [my mum]
Dad: Hello, your flat is horrible.

Beat that.

I bet I'm not the only person who read that as John Peel IS your dad.

Something along the lines of, via text message:

“Hello, Rachael [sic], I'm Gaz, Stu's mate. I'm drunk in a field somewhere and bored. Entertain me.”

Then I met her a couple of weeks later, drunkenly groped her boobs a bit, and then started seeing her.

Hm.

So she was invisible until you groped her. Is she a super heroine of some kind?

That's the kind of special power I could get along with.

Nooooo he went to school with my uncle and they were a 1960s/early 70s version of bros from what I hear - the bromance was ended when my uncle moved to australia.

Flossie? Is that you!?

If you don't count the messages we exchanged via Match.com (after colleague and extreme BeEx lurker Zeppo had pointed her towards my profile on it), I said this to her when we first met outside a pub in Shrewsbury...

"Hi, you must be Alex. I'm Steve, pleased to meet you."

Steve?

Yes?

A lot of the times that I introduce myself to someone new, I like to pick a totally random name and say that instead - especially if they know my actual name. I don't know why, just makes me chuckle inside.

absolutley no idea, I was probably quite quite drunk.

Must make airport security interesting...

We met at a joint friends birthday party during uni. The friend did Physics and so we, the physicists arrived together and so sat at the opposite end of a big gathering to her cooler lot. I introduced myself with "hello how do you know X?" to try and mix the groups. She was aloof and shunned me. I decided she was a prick and we ignored each other for the rest of the night.

I met HC on a Go-See (which is shorthand for when you make an appointment to show clients your portfolio) — I'd organised to see the Art Director on Empire magazine nearly two decades ago and Roz was the Picture Editor. These meetings can be anything from very slick to really quite bizarre and they frequently don't amount to work but you have/had to do them. Nowadays it's all websites, but there you go. Anyway, I met the AD, was showing my book and he called Roz over and I can remember her beetling over but I can't remember her saying anything.

Fast forward several months later, having given no further thought to this meeting, I had been invited to a party by another client within the same publishing group, to their summer party. It was quite cliquey and I'd been there about an hour and even though it was a free bar I was thinking of leaving as it was proving quite difficult to feel anything other than an outsider amidst those tight knit editorial cabals. Just before I left, Roz came up to me at the bar and said, I kid you not, "Don't I know you from somewhere?".

For the life of me I don't recall what I said in return, so I fail in this thread. However, due to the fact we're in our 20th year together you would be right in assuming I didn't say anything that untoward.

"Oh, you must be Helen. Can I get you a drink?"

YAAAAAAWWWWNNNN. How dull

"does this rag smell of chloroform to you?"

"Brace yourself love, I'm going in dry."





I have no idea. There was no need for introductions, as it was at a hockey game and I was slightly (in)famous at the time so she knew who I was. Plus we'd arranged to meet up beforehand anyway. So it was probably, "Hello, I'm going to the bar, you need a drink?"

Your sister is brilliant. Want to swap?

That's an excellent setup. I'll have to remember that next time I'm doing a mate a favour, or, more likely, trying to distract a mate so I can steal his jacket.




Heh. Reminds me of an old housemate's room. His girlfriend came round once and hoovered up the dying bees that had nested there.

I don't have any exciting first words stories, but my grandparents do. There's a local dance that my granddad is going to. He meets his future wife when she waltzes over and sits in his lap.

60 years and 8 kids later (excluding a 9th, Danny-who-died. It distinguishes him from the second one they also called Danny, see, in a manner that might give away the source of my stubbornness), they still couldn't get rid of each other.

There are no words in this story!

"Hello?"

I'd love to say that this was made up. But it isn't:

"I'm MaliA. This is my girlfriend. Lovely to have met you".

MrsA didn't speak to me for another three or so years.

Censorship, eh?

Sorry, a little off-topic, in that it was never going to lead to any date between me and idiot builder, but related to the above:

When my grandmother was having her flat renovated/fitted with various mobility things whilst she was in hospital, I had to oversee all of the work being done. One day, the bell ran just as I was concentrating over my sorting box, dropping it to the floor.

I let the guys in, and the one in chrge happened to be a lad that chased me mercilessly (he annoyed me) when I was about 14 and whom I didn't actually like very much, especially as he then stood there and told his building mates.

Anyway, I said if I was needed I'd be in the living room, but to be careful to open the door slowly as I had just dropped my bee collection all over the floor.

"Your bee collection"?
'Yes, I was just sorting them when the bell made me jump and I dropped them."
"The bees?"
"Yes, they are all over the floor. There are about 4,000 of them. They need to be re-sorted'
"4,000 bees?"
"Yes, they are all different types, shapes, sizes, colours. I need to sort them into compartments"
"The bees?"
"Yes..." (I may have sighed at this point)
"What... What do you do with them all?"
"I make them into jewellery"
"Bees??"
"YES."

It wasn't until I heard him say "she's got a load of f***king dead bees on the carpet in there" that I twigged why he kept pursuing it as being that strange that I had a large box of beads.

Crikey, I don't remember what I said to my last victim... um, girlfriend... possibly something dull like "Hi, Rachel, right? Come into the office.". I was a manager at my local Gamestation branch then and I was interviewing her for a sales assistant position. Needless to say, she got the job.

Is it me you're looking for?

I think it was probably, "Hi, my name's Malcolm".

We met at work, and it was probably when I was introduced to her.

Malc

No idea what I said to my girlfriend, but I do remember buying her a train ticket within a minute or two of meeting.

FTFY

"Nice tits"

Not a lie.

The second line was (jesus)

"Get to fucking fuck! The A12 is a kinky piece of road! The tarmacadam based slut"

I'm surprised that her response to you saying 'nice tits' was to somehow directly steer the conversation onto the A12.

She probably said "Eh? are you 12?"

I don't remember what was said but there was definitely mutual dislike for about 6 months.

"Nice tits"?

yeah, but you were going out for 5 of those.

Probably "Hi", followed by some comedy ranting about an Irish Setter. It was on a minibus in Westray on the way to an archaeological excavation.

I don't think I've ever said anything to my right hand.