Be Excellent To Each Other

Advice thread! I'm quite concerned about my friend's flatmate, who is someone I have never met. Despite this, I have heard a number of alarming things about him; he makes lists of which of his flatemates he's most like to eat, then puts them on the fridge and updates them every month, and he underlines several of the more gruesome passages of American Psycho. As well as this, he stands in front of his flatemate's doors staring at them, until they open them and get perturbed.

Is this a serious case, is what I want to know? Is this man actually in danger of, well, anything, or is he completely harmless? I have no idea.

Why doesn't your friend move, and why doesn't anyone have any friends with decidedly average lives on here?

Yes, it's a serious case of attention seeking.

Mmm. Attention seeking, or he thinks he is 'brilliant' and different. I'd fight fire with fire with him, play chicken.

Get one of the flatmates to buy a load of cow organs/offal off a butcher and stick them on a plate covered in cling film in the fridge. Then when "Ooooh look at me I'm psycho" says "What's that?" they can pick from any of the following replies;

1) "That's my Mum"
2) "That's your Mum"
3) "Shergar"
4) "What's left of our last flatmate"

I think he sounds like more of a moron than a psycho. Still, it might freak me out if I were living there all the same, mostly because it would get on my nerves and because I don't like constantly being around people who are trying to act some kind of wacky character. I suggest your best course f action would be to put him in the Big Brother house where he could contend with his equals and realise that he is just another one of them.

"Your friend" could just move house.

My friends are quite normal Mali, in fact markg is super average.

Phew. I dream of mediocrity, me.

He actually might have a problem though.

I'd suggest getting in first. Capture him and make him live under the stairs, only living what hand out you give him. Sould sort him out. Never did me any harm.

I used to live with a guy who had Schizophrenia. Was fine most of the time, but trying to explain that the TV and the lampposts couldn't actually tell him to kill his dad, did unnerve me a little.

Gosh, that is terrible.

To be honest he did sound like he was just trying to seem to 'be' a bit weird, but you're right, maybe he really does have a problem.

I'd just get your mate to say to him 'look, can you just stop this, it's getting tiresome', and if he thinks that people just aren't interested in his behaviour, in fact, find it somewhat tedious and boring, then he might stop. If not, then maybe he does actually have some issues, in which case, harsh as it may be, I'd tell your mate to preserve himself and move out, and try to get the guy to seek some help.

Fuck you man, I'm 5'7" and I'm incredibly lazy.

Yeah sorry Mali, on second thoughts all my friends are deviants, it's me that's completely normal.

Oh, sure, it's EVERYBODY ELSE. Never you, is it? Tch, next you'll be thinking that everyone else is out to get you in some kind of clique.

In some sort of clique and dagger operation.

/gets coat.

I do think Trousers hit the nail on the head with how to deal with this goon.

Indeed, I think Trousers gave a brilliant example of what I said to do in my post before his.
(hee hee!)

You should stage something, one of you "goes missing"*. The other flatmates call the police, pointing to the evidence on the fridge and recounting the disturbing behaviour of flatmate leatherface.

* i.e. goes on a camping trip and forgets to tell anyone.

I'd be so tempted to whisper "Kill him" as I passed lampposts... good thing I didn't live with this guy.

We did... but strangely he could tell! I found the entire thing very very tiring, you always had to expect something strange and when it did, you had to pretend it wasn't really that big a deal. (He used to go missing for weeks on end with out telling anyone).

This could be an exact description of my mobile phone.

I want advice like this about everything. Everything.

It's so obvious, but most people would never think of it.

Anyway, litmus test for nutters: send him round my way. I am part of a panel of three. If we get a majority feeling, the subject is always, always a genuine nutter. We're thinking of calling the NHS or the police or something.

You want Social Services.

Nah, we already know they're nutters.

[Daily Telegraph comments page] It sounds like he’s acting as he thinks nutters act, possibly from watching poor quality horror films. When are we as a country going to take a stand and ban this filth! Won’t someone please think of the children. [/Daily Telegraph comments page]

Alternately, he sounds like an arsehole. It’s nothing a good kicking won’t fix.

I'd agree with the Minister there. I personally don't think there's anything serious about what he's doing, he's just an attention seeking cockhole. Cunt him in the fuck.

You've just pinched that from 'Dear Deirdre'.

Well I am sitting here in my bra and pants...

My eeeeyyyyyyeeesssss!

Dancing bear. Five dollar.

Wow, I completely forgot I posted this. I will tell my friend the advice about the kicking and disdain. It really is my friend, though, and not me having the problem. Why would I lie about it being me living with someone pretending to be a cannibal?

[vote:vegetables]

Also, you he should follow MY suggestion!

I put it to you that it is indeed your friend that is having these problems. He is not only your friend, but your flatmate. Mmmmm, he looks tasty, yes? I put it to you that YOU sir are the mad cannibalistic flatmate. 'Vegetables' is quite the ironic name, hmmmmm?

If I was, I'd be crying into my cup of human blood right now, given all the "he's desperate for attention and you should KICK HIM" responses. But no; I've never even met the guy, just heard increasingly alarmed stories about him from people I know.

Don't worry veg, we believe you, people here are just obnoxious like that.

Splendid.

*Munches leg*

FWIW, I am a bit odd, and have had a storied life in the margins, to an extent. I have seen, known, been weird/scary fuckers. This guy reads like a "AM I FREAKING YOU OUT YEAH?" tosser, and I strongly recommend playing chicken with him.

What region of the country do your friends live in, vaguely?

Edinburgh. Which probably has one of the highest concentrations of "SUPER FREAKY" awful young people in the country, now I think about it.

Ooh, that's where I am now. Beginning to see now why 'give him a kicking' sprang immediately to mind

Do they wear white shirts under either jumpers or cardigans, with tight jeans, and a little thin tie?

If so, piss in their beds, anus-fuck their womenfolk and stamp on their cocks while they sleep. I fucking hate those guys.

Can't you just get him sectioned? A course of EST and a lobotomy would soon quiet him down. Watch out if he has any huge, mute, native American friends though.

Such as Hulk Hogan. Lived in America all his life, him

I'm sure if you do a bit of online research you could set your mind at rest. Common or garden fruitloops have very well documented behaviour patterns that you should be able to look up - it's almost like diagnosing a common cold.

He doesn't sound like a sociopath to me, but he could have wiring problems for which I'm sure there's a useful acronym out there.

Have a look around wikipedia and if it still alarms you, then the acid test is to front him out and if he continues with the behaviour you can ascertain one of two things, he's either a complete buffoon or he is a psychopath - in which case get the stupid fucker sectioned pronto

Hi,

Having just caught up with this thread, I'd have to say that the three things you mentioned don't really fit well with any of the major mental illnesses. Standing outside people's doors could be evidence of paranoia, but it sounds more like this guy wants to be discovered there, rather than surreptitiously trying to find out what's going on inside. Obviously nobody could be certain without interviewing the guy (and even then it's not 100%) but what you've said sounds a lot more like someone trying to show off how mad they are than someone that is genuinely unwell. He may well have 'issues' (like deeply ingrained fucked-up ways of coping with stress or getting attention) that might benefit from some counselling, but this doesn't neatly fit into any of the common patterns of illness.

If he keeps doing this despite being challenged, or tries to escalate his behaviour, the sensible thing to do would be to back off and get out of there (if at all possible). Someone who keeps up this sort of behaviour despite knowing it's upsetting the people he lives with is either unable to control it and genuinely ill (tragic, but your friend is the one who's going to have to live with this), doesn't care (worrying) or enjoys this fact (terrifying). Either way it's not good.

If you're worried the guy is genuinely ill, you've got 2 choices - persuade him to attend his GP (who can refer him on to the local psych services) or report it to the police (who, if he meets the criteria, can take him up to a hospital to be assessed).

Living (although not working) here in sunny Edinburgh, I've become quite familiar with the quantity and quality of odd behaviour on display. If it all checks out (and the guy isn't actually ill) then charge people to come and see him in the Fringe.