Be Excellent To Each Other

I wrote a poem about Mario to enter into Ngamer's competition 'Write a poem about Mario', for Mario' 25th birthdy celebrations. I did not win. I was however, one of four published 'highly recommended entries', but as highly recommended did not win me 30 Wii games, I am more dwelling on the 'did not win' bit.

As I did not win (sometimes cruelly called 'losing') I thought I would post it here. For lols and consolation.


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Once upon a landscape sunny, whilst I collected coins and money,

Over bricks and blocks, forming pixel backgrounds, pixel floor.

While I ran, started jumping, to land on Kooper, shell then bumping

To send it quickly spinning, spinning like a shell of war.

‘Overcome these enemies’, I cry, ‘for the Princess I must restore –

Only this, and nothing more.’



Ah, distinctly I remember, each evil henchmen and crew member.

The evil Bowser kidnapped Peach, with such intentions I deplore.

Instantly, I ran through lands, over worlds of ice and sand

To battle Bowser bravely, bravely against those I abhor.

All the while collecting coins, climbing pipes to find some more

They’d come in useful, I was sure.



Join me brother, tall, Italian, ride this green dinosaur stallion

To reach those parts of levels that we couldn’t reach before.

Slowly accrue goomba kills, pick up ‘shrooms, dodge Bullet Bills,

Work our way towards the right, right to the end of level door,

Nerves rising as I check my health, count 1ups and glance at score

As the end of level boss did roar.



Presently my soul grew stronger, hesitating then no longer,

I ran, then jumped and hit the monster in his vulnerable sore.

Battling alone, without my brother, I take one hit and then another

Health gauge quickly falling lower, lower than ever was before

But with timing, skill and luck I strike my opponent to the floor

And relish that he is no more.



No time to linger or to revel, on I press to the next level

First quickly pick up mushrooms and 1-ups from toad-run store.

Resplendent in dungaree trousers, I steel my nerve to meet king Bowser

To rescue that Peachy lady who I so obviously adore.

She’ll be so overcome with joy she’ll love me, I feel sure

And seal our love forever more.



Approaching now my end of trip, I board huge Bowser’s flying ship

And battle with my evil foe ‘till he can take no more.

His evil dungeon I then breach, valiantly rescue Princess Peach

And whisk her back to lands where she’ll be carefree and secure.

And we will live in Mushroom Kingdom, happily, forever more.

Well, ‘til next time, I am sure.




By Mimi, aged thirtymumblety and ¼

That's amazing. You should so have won.

Bravo!
*applaudes*

Acebest.

You should've got a gravelly voice man to read it out.

It'd would've been awsome-er

Mr Dave.

I am betting MaliA fits that bill this morning!
Very nice Mimi. I am reading all the posts in this cadence now.

Post the winner too.

Does it start... There once was a plumber called mario...

No, but one of the other recommended poems starts off with 'There once was a man, Mario' and rhymes 'castle' with 'hassel'. A couple of the others are OK, but oh well.

Keep monkeying on

The judges were clearly too uncultured and ignorant to know about The Raven. Damn philistines.

Win the Wii Games? Nevermore!

Shut up, Davpaz

Bloody hell, it is The Raven too, respect mate. I wouldn't be able to recognise any poem if it slapped me in the face with a wet flat fish!

Nice one Mimi.

The rhyming pattern starts off like Fat Bottomed Girls. That's how I read/sang it.

That's bloody brilliant!
Well done mimi. You are win.

Except, actually, I am lose.

That is proabably why I lost. It was definitely supposed to borrow a rhyming scheme and meter from the Raven. I hoped to clue people in with the first line 'Once upon a landscape sunny, whilst I collected coins and money,' The original first verse being:

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.
" 'Tis some visitor," I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door;
Only this, and nothing more."

... and the recurring rhyme more/score, for, lore, bore (etc, etc) which occurred in the original, as well as the phrasing, etc.

Anyway, clearly this is the finest line to have ever been comitted to verse:



Surely.

I picked up on the Raven thing from the first line. I don't think the Zardoz factor should be over concerning.

I posted a reply to this which seems to have vanished , it was something along the lines of

"Its an excellent poem and should have won"

And for the line above , yes , but does swapping Dino for Dinosaur not fit the rhythm better ?

If you emphasise each syllable it works fine.
"Dine-o-Saur Stalyon".

No, dinosaur works in the meter.

You have to say Dine-UH-saw

edit:

o/

Yeah, the meter

You have to read it in a poem reading voice.

Okay , accepted , I had it as Dina - sor which didnt work for me

Dinosaur fits the regular meter of the poem, but there's always some variation in personal cadence and accent/speech pattern, I guess.

I loved it. Great reference, quality rhyming scheme (internal, alternate and tail rhymes). Yeah, I know it's influenced, but Mimi still had to bring the content. And she did.

See, now I'm trying to think of something equally as clever, and failing.

If you can jump on heads when all about you,
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

But then I get stuck.

Can we get James Earl Jones to read this for us?

WARNING: RARE MOMENT OF INTERNET HONESTY APPROACHING

I liked the words, but I didn't like the structure.

I need my rhymes simple, damnit!

That's OK, the structure isn't mine. Blame this loser.

Technically, he was a bit of a loser, Meems!

But the verse structure thingy is excellent.

I didn't suggest he wasn't a loser. In fact, i think I just called him a loser.

Look, Poe

Hee Hee, I'ma WariPoe, and I'ma gonna win!
\

Did he not win any Wii games either? Tsk.

I think he subscribes to Edge.

Ooooof!

lovely mimi!

There was once a girl called Mimi
Who wanted to win a wii
She used Edgar Allen Poe
But ended with woe
When she found his verse structure blew and didn't flow very well in Grim...s Mind and she lost because of it. Oh look, a ghost (eee)

(I can think of end lines that fit better, but dammit, that'd ruin te joke)