Be Excellent To Each Other

So. We now own Ireland again, right?

I don't want it. It's full of Micks.

[Edit] Begob.

It's my ancestral right to own Ireland, apparently, so I'm cool with this.

Still, how just how fucking un Tory is this? I really can't get my head around this government.

I wonder what the interest rate will be?

If they don't pay up, we'll send the Black and Tans back to smash the place up until they do.

Seems quite cheap really.

So wait... We are up to our eyeballs in debt. So we then buy a country that is also up to its eyeballs in debt, hoping that this double debt will make the debt go away

And I wonder who gets to foot the bill.

I may have read it wrong, but isn't our bit coming from the money that we've already paid to the IMF?

It's a strategic move, to safeguard our source of Guinness, whiskey and cheap labour.

I guess there's enough British investment in Ireland that if it went down the pan it would drag us down too, to a certain extent. And if the Eurozone countries are chunking money about, then we want a slice too, to prove how awesome we still are. And we still owe them after that whole "potato famine" thing.

No, they're called Leprechauns over there.

You read it right. The IMF and an EU support fund.

I thought we had split the bill with everyone at the european table, but also added a £7bn tip on the side, in the hope that we can get in sexy Irelands knickers.

So, we're not giving any more than we already have? In that case, I am utterly fine with it.

Pass the potatoes, begorrah.

Eh? The BBC he say

"The UK has offered a direct loan to the Irish Republic in addition to contributing to an international rescue, George Osborne has said."

I am offended by all these prejudiced statements. I believe I will now bomb a hotel.

Hmm. It looks like it's a loan in addition, indeed. I can't tell if 7bn is the total or the loan amount though.

Wait didn't the IRA say they were going to blow up the banks?

Surely your attention would be better off there

I have several friends who live in Dublin and the sentiment over there is that it would make more sense to allow the country to collapse a la Iceland. It was never going to happen, for many reasons. Firstly the Euro and secondly, I could be wrong, but I'm sure I heard recently that a significant chunk of that debt (I've heard two figures, one was £40bn the other was £120bn), is owed to RBS. The RBS which is largely owned by the Exchequer in this country — if this is so, then there was no way the powers that be would stand back and watch Ireland collapse as it would have a severe ramifications on our recovery.

...and the global economic pyramid scheme lives to fight another day!

This is true, yes.

Sweden is loaning Ireland money too.

Ireland's government is offering its populace free EU-surplus cheese though, so it's OK.

Sweden could chip in with some smelly fish in a can.

We're sending potato peelers.

If you want some fish in a can kalmar all you have to do is ask.

I don't want some fish in a can pls.

Send him some fish in a can! But take the label off and put a "Delicious tasty treats" label on it instead, so he opens it.

Can I have some fish in a can?

Also:


I have heard unconfirmed reports that Irish birds don't 'put out'.

Not even for £7bn? Christ. That's hard work. I'd assumed a glass of white wine would do it.

I have a lot of Irish friends. I noticed after a while that none of my male Irish friends dated Irish women — I was separately coming to the conclusion that Irish women were a little temperamental to say the least — so I made an observation to this one Irish male friend about this curious anomaly and he said "tey're all fookin' nuts".

Not the most empirical evidence I've come across, sure, but I'm yet to meet an Irish gal I didn't think was bonkers, with the possible exception of my brother's girlfriend. I have a couple of non Irish friends who have dated Irish women and both ended very badly

My mum's Irish. On the basis of her, her 3 sisters and their extended family, your friend is correct.

A whole bottle is pretty infallible though. And yes, they are all fookin nuts.

Why are we giving ireland money? They have potatoes. It's not like they will starve...

I can add to this. The men in my family are almost without exception unusually patient. It comse largely from living with the women in my family.

Lived in Galway for two years during my misspent youth. There are sane Irish women, it's just the bat shit crazy ones are far more visible, although saying that you got to watch the ones that seem normal at first then go all ultra catholic crazy on you*, these are normally the pretty blond ones.


*no sex before marriage or you will be damned to hell, don't swear or you will be damned to hell, don't say your prayers and you will be damned....

The upside is that they're often fucking funny, incidentally. Just... y'know, try to filter out the madness.

"I'm feckin' normal, so it is."



"Here! Lookit me feet!"



I sat next to an Irish woman in BT. She was knobbing the team leader (no big deal, everyone knew) and she smelled... sort of like milk. I can't think of a better way to describe that, it wasn't unpleasant, but it was distinct. She also had a face like my grandmother, but younger. Like, an old person's face, but with the skin tightened and be-youth-en-ed. Yes.

One side of MrsA's family is Irish, the other is Romany.

Half of Mummy Afterthought's extended family is Irish.

Lunatics, the lot of them.

Perkies paypal me a tenner with an address and I'll send you some

I can confirm that is not true. Get yourself a farmer's daughter and she is so bored she will jump you every morning as I found out. Pretty scary way to be introduced to sexual experiences but one I will fondly remember for the rest of my life.

Big up Gortfadda Mohill !

Mind you there are some whackos out there. Just take that Sinbad Oconnor bird !

Must be handy when you're having work done on the house, though

Until they come back six months later and break it, and then pour paint over the driveway and say that needs doing now too.