Be Excellent To Each Other

it's just a gas regulator. I figured they're probably the same sort of thing. I clean as much as I can in the dishwasher. Most of my bike bits have gone through there.

*Reminds self never to have a cup of tea at MaliTowers*

But if you just have gas passing through it it's not like it needs to be sterile or anything, just 'clean' is fine.

I'm wondering if Mali even has a shower in the house.

Depends if the dishwasher is in the house or not, I guess.

Have you explained your signature yet, Malabar?

Yeah - it's based on you replying without quoting that made it look like you were talking about Beexers, not goats.

Yep. I attributed it to Grim... because he practically adopted it by not quoting properly.

Oh, right.

Mine is simpler

The doctor came a short while ago and Nan changed again.

She's now back to protesting not to be put in a home and refusing to eat. When the doctor then said that unless she ate she'd need further full-time care which might not be given at home as not eating would only make her weaker, she then said 'oh, I can eat'. And then she ate. It's all well and good but the doctor can't come by every day to say such things to get her to eat.

The doctor also asked about Nan's anxieties and was very keen for her to try an anti-depressant.

Now, this has never been suggested before, despite this being an on-going problem, on and off, for a few years.

She's been given something called Citalopram which I've read the leaflet for and looked up on t'internet, but I wondered if anyone here ha any first hand knowledge of it? It's a low dose (10mg) but I wondered if it had any effects should look out for (deeper sleeping, mood swings, etc)

Right. I MUST make food for myself.

You might want to hear Zio's opinion on that.

Mimi - ask Patience.

Obviously the situation is hard on her, but she needs to appreciate that by acting differently around doctors and helpers who are doing the best they can to improve her situation, she's basically dumping everything on you.

I suppose she's probably so stressed out and scared that she doesn't even consider that. No wonder, it must be a scary situation for her, especially knwoing that Mimi can't be there all the time and at some poin the other sid of the family will be there trying to pressurise her again. It really sucks, I bet she'd be more receptive to researching good care homes if it wasn't for the pressure your uncl has been putting on here Mimi

I was on 20mg of Citalopram for a few months. 10mg is pretty light. If you read things I've said about it previously, you'll know that I would not personally go back on it.

BUT: this absolutely does not mean I don't think your nan should take it. On the contrary, I think it may well do her some good.

My experience then:

It takes a couple of weeks to start to really work. Some side effects are noticeable pretty straight away. For me these were:

- Very, very relaxed feeling whenever I yawned.
- Almost constantly feeling thirsty.
- Slighty more tired feeling.
- Lack of sex drive.

I'm thinking your nan might not be too concerned about that last one!

For me, once it got working, the side effects mostly went. I still felt quite tired and *ahem* certain elements of my sex drive were somewhat impaired, but they were the worst bits.

What it actually does, when it gets going, is it takes the edge of things. It doesn't magically make you feel happy, it doesn't necessarily pick you up or anything, but you do stop getting so stressed. Those little thoughts in your head shut up and you can just chill out a bit and get on with the day. For your nan, it'll calm down her anxieties and hopefully allow her to think more clearly about what it is she wants. She'll probably be easier for you to cope with too.

Her personality won't be affected, she won't seem all doped up, she'll still be your nan, just a bit more relaxed. It'll help both of you cope.

So why wouldn't I take it again? Simply because it's not for me. Like all anti-depressants, it's highly addictive, so you get some shitty withdrawal effects when you stop taking it. For me, this was an occasional buzzing sensation in my head, like little electric shocks inside my skull, and mood swings. I could be really quite horrible to people some days. Just someone could say something, or I could read something and for whatever reason it would make my blood absolutely boil and God help whoever dared cross me that day!

But firstly, your nan will not struggle like that to come off 10mg, not if she does it properly. And also, without wishing to sound really mean, maybe she'll never actually have to deal with coming off it anyway, not if it's working for her.

Hope this helps. If you want to ask me any questions, go for it. Personally Meems, I think you should go with the doctor's advice and let your nan start taking it.

Mimi, would it be possible to look for a home for her nearer to you and Craig? I'm guessing you don't have any plans to move back down to London, and that might take of the pressure of the other relatives, or be a terrible idea that could cause more problems than it is worth of course!

Wow, thanks for the info, Zio.

The doctor really seemed to think it would be a good idea t at least try it, so with what you have said we'll give it a go. Just taking the 'edge' off of things seems to be exactly what she needs. I just didn't want to go through the same process we went through with my Grandad, on really strong tranquillisers (I know they're not the same thing, but my knowledge of such things is limited) because the thought scares my nan. The silly thing is, she is very much 'with it'.

When the doctor was here Nan says she prays every night that she'll die in her sleep. It's kind of hard hearing that, and you feel pretty small and useless. She also said something really hurtful to me, which teh doctor took to be a bit of emotional blackmail towards me. The doctor at the hospital also said that I needed to make sure I did not let her emotionally blackmail when she said something, and as Craster says, because the change bought about by the suggestion of new medication/a key safe/new carer hours brings about such a rapid change in the way she behaves the visiting professional leaves feeling good that they have helped and changed things here, but an hour later and it is worse than before, so only I really see it.

Anyway. I'm sorry, I shall not go on about it any more. It is depressing and I'm making this place miserable. Owen, I'll drop Patience a line in a bit, ta xxx

Edit: oops, @GJ, I'm not really sire what is happening at the moment, and that she'd ever move from London is doubtful - uncle, despite being a careless git, would never allow that, and Nan will never let anyone 'upset David' as this would mean that David would then just trample over everything to get his way. Everyone is always scared of upsetting David. He's such a horrid man. He's the one who called me a parasite recently because I was dumped as a baby and grandparents took on my care.

It's nothing like that Mimi, don't worry. She'll be the same nan as always, she just won't have all that anxiety. The way to think about it is that the chemistry in her brain is a little messed up because of all the stress and everything, and what this will do is to try and get it back to normal again. She may seem a little more tired than usual and I know when my girlfriend started on anti-depressants (bear in mind, she's on hardcore strong stuff, nothing like the Citalopram I was on, or what your nan will be taking), she also noticed the thirst you get, but it's not so bad. She may possibly want the odd extra glass of water every now and then for the first couple of weeks, that's it.

It is very gradual, but after two weeks or so she should start noticing the difference. The tiredness is nothing like being on tranquilizers either, you just end up yawning a bit and stuff, that's all. You might find that she soon starts acting like the nan you know and love again before too long. I honestly reckon it's a good thing to try in her situation - can't possibly do her any harm.

Meems, a couple of things I'd add here. Firstly, your nan is a bit depressed, that's obvious. It won't last though. Try the doctor's advice, give it 2-3 weeks as it takes that long for Citalopram to really start working and she'll hopefully stop saying these hurtful things quite so much. I know when I was going through that patch two years ago, I said some pretty hurtful things to people who cared about me, stuff about wanting to kill myself and the like. I think you get a bit self-obsessed and want others to feel some of the pain you're feeling, so you say things that you know will upset them. She'll be alright though and you're a very strong person for dealing with it all as well as you have.

As for her changing behaviour when the professionals are around, that's probably a good thing in a way. She's probably happier just before they leave because they're showing her that things can be done about the way she's feeling. Of course, it's very difficult in her position to really stay happy, because of this depression, not because of you or anything you're doing. When those tablets start kicking in, these low moods stop being so bad.

Good luck to both of you!

The doctor said to give her one of the tablets when I picked prescription up. I did that a while ago and she's taken one and as she didn't sleep much last night fancied a bit of a nap if she can shut her eyes for a bit.

Hopefully they won't have too many side effects (thirst I can handle, but nothing too major). I had to slip the leaflet out of the box as it had a list of possible side effects as long as my arm (decreased blood pressure, gastro-intestinal bleeding, suicidal thoughts, headache, constipation - you know every single symptom know to man!) Most people will know these symptoms are rare, but my nan will think she has all of them and refuse to take the meds if she reads that).

I like how each of the side effects have their polar opposites listed as well:

increased calmness, increased agitation, euphoria, worsening depression, increase of sex drive, decrease of sex drive, constipation, diarrhoea...)

Anyway, I had a bite to eat. I may try and rest a while x

Yeah... forgot about the constipation.

She'll be fine Meems. They're weird drugs, but she's on a very low dose and it's supervised by a doctor, so she'll be fine. If they were sticking her on 40mg, you'd perhaps be wanting to keep an eye on her, but 10mg is pretty mild.

Yeah, I noticed at the top of the leaflet it says Citalopram 10mg 20mg 40mg so I guessed it must be quite a low dose f some people take 4 times the amount. She used to take a herbal remedy 'Quiet Time' that one of her carers recommended to her, for anxiety, and they 'helped', though I think this was mostly a placebo-type effect at work as it didn't contain anything like St John's Wort, etc as far as I could see. Maybe they had actual medicinal effects, but I was quietly sceptical about their use.

Decided to just have a rest rather than a nap. Just enjoy some quiet in the flat for a bit.

One of the medicines I take has an absolutely astonishing range of side effects, including Lupus. I told them I wasn't worried about that in the least. I don't think they got the joke.

I was once given medication that listed 'sudden blindness' as a side effect

... As a brief, complete aside, sat in my hotel room some 4,000 miles from home, thought I'd search out a few club tracks from back in the day. Here's a personal gem from '92, Nush, by Nush (yes, imaginative title, eh). I well remember getting bare chested and absolutely off my face to this soundtrack from my (relative) youth.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tAnEbZ5L0Q&NR=1

I appreciate the lengths to which Reed have gone to try to make me feel like a valuable individual in their latest email:

Sorry to hear about everything you are going through at the moment, Meems. Sounds depressingly like my grandmother's situation since June 2008, after a serious fall in her home. She's terrified of being put in a care home due to not being able to manage much at home, her adopted children all want her to expire quickly so they can inherit her house and can't be bothered to assist, and her natural children, my mum, can't help more than half a day a week due to her childcare commitments, and is pretty worn-down herself.

I visited my grandmother earlier this year several times in a local respite home, and it was pretty grim. Very barren walls in the rooms (the rooms themselves glorified cubicles), no social contact as most of the in-patients were senile and/or aggressive, and unpleasant staff. Worst thing I witnessed was my grandmother needing help using the toilet, with two shabby eastern European nurses helping her barely treated her as a human, whilst talking in their own language to each other, which intimidated my grandmother a lot. I was happy that she got to go home in the end, and I hope she manages to stay there as long as possible.

Sorry, I passed your info to them. Are you no longer Mimi Sample, then?

I am sitting in the m6 toll services. They don't have a Burger King but something called "The Burger Company". High prices, nice signage and people waiting while stuff was being cooked to order.

I'll have some of that I thought. Alas it is vile. Rubber chips that have been in the warmer since 1978 and a burger that tastes exactly like those microwave ones from the supermarket.

Utterly utterly vile. If you stop on the toll ensure you go over to their understaffed booth and tell them you read on the interweb just how shit they are.

I need something to get rid of the taste :-(

Hello from Sweden.

I thought it was a bit rubbish! It's certainly polished, but other than that, it's generic, the combat is basic and button-bashy, it controls awkwardly and rips off Uncharted's platforming and art-style to the point where it's almost a joke. Still need to try the Castlevania demo. Hopefully that'll be rubbish as well and I can save some money in this shitstorm of releases.

To be fair to it, it's not awful and probably worth a £15 pick-up if you run out of stuff to play, but particularly at this time of year, my threshold for shitness rises considerably. I mean, we've got Fallout and Fable coming this month - and that's just this month - some third person platforming Uncharted rip-off would have to be shit-hot to make me consider spending even more money.

The new WRC game seems pretty terrible, unless I'm missing something. Bah, I was looking forward to that too

Man forgets to pay $75 dollars and when the fire came, the firemen saved his neighbours stuff and left his house to burn down.

With three dogs and a cat inside

Someone on WotR said much the same as you about their wares and imagined the sales/marketing meeting where they came up with the company name; that "The Burger Company" was the most snazzy name they could come up with that wouldn't immediately fall foul of Trading Standards.

A bit harsh I think. You could slag off a lot of very good games that way. I did say it was generic, I just felt like it had some promise — it's rare that something looks that good and turns out to be completely shit and it's soopah rare that something has an entertaining demo at all.

That WRC game demo being a point in hand. That really put me off buying the game.

Methods of selling sport to television companies could be rethought as a case involving the showing of Premier League football makes it to the European Courts. A pub landlady was showing football from a Greek satellite station, rather than through SKY. This has gone through the courts and has reached Europe (unlike Liverpool), with her lawyers using the argument that she's entitled to purchase her television services from anyone she wants under the single market rules. it isn't made clear in the BBC's report what language the commentary was in, but in Sheffield when we used to watch a Norwegian station on a Saturday, they put the radio on.

That can probably only end in disaster - the rightsholders sell transmission rights within specific territorial boundaries; if they're told they can't do that, satellite dies, becomes very empty, or becomes very expensive. Instantly. There was loads of trouble when the Freesat predecessor (non-subbed Sky) started happening, with all sorts of jiggery pokery to try and ensure the now-non-encrypted UK streams couldn't be received outside the UK.

Work chap gone done sent me this:
Stare at the black dot:

HOLY LOVING FUCK!

Stop breaking my eyes!

That castle is awesome.
I've only just got to work
Mimi - as a full time carer, are you getting the benefits you are entitled to?

Dagnabbit. How about a nice glass of sasperilly?

IDGI

Nothing. I was told by the assessor that I wasn't entitled to anything as I am only here temporarily (I hadn't actually asked, but it was practically the first thing she said as she walked through the door) and Nan does receive and attendance allowance (or something like that) which she pays for the twice-daily 30 min visits with.

It's difficult as I'm currently getting about 4 hours sleep a night, and then only in bits (worst the last few nights as I seem to have picked up Nan's chest infection so am just coughing ALL the time) but today someone is coming to fit the key safe and nan may go into temporary rehabilitation where she can have proper physio (not just a sheet telling her to stretch her legs). Today is pretty much crunch time.

Did you stare at the castle?

Persistence of Vision

Smoothness of Anger

Yes, I did.

Someone in work doesn't see it either.