Be Excellent To Each Other

On TV there are two celebrity chefs.

BUT WAIT: They are Conjoined twins (aka Siamese twins to Non-PC peeps). They share their internal organs and under no circumstances can they be separated. If one dies, the other dies. They can move 1 arm and 1 leg each.

One day, in a fit of rage Twin A, picks up a frying pan on Live TV in front of millions (and a studio audience) and knocks out Twin B, then kills their celebrity guest to death.

The police arrive and arrest Twin A. He goes to trial and is found guilty. How do they punish him?

Is the answer "Ainsley Harriot"?

Lethal injection.

Why is Twin B guilty? He was knocked out.

Birmingham serious crime squad in action!

Whoops I mean twin A. The murderer is arrested, the knocked out one is innocent.

Hang twin A.

Well those two twins Ang and Eng (spelling?) were in a similar situation. One got drunk and attacked a police officer, but he was pardoned because to keep the other in custody would be considered a miscarriage of justice.

Give us the answer, it's easier that way. Also, I can then get on with my day.

There isn't an answer. Mwa Ha ha. I just think about it daily.

I'm basically waiting till they ask me to make a columbo episode about it.

Columbo would just say that they're both involved, as the knocked-out twin agreed to have himself knocked out for plausable deniability in order to enact the pardonable/miscarraige of justice clause as noted above.

It's like that Columbo where the twins murdered the rich uncle, and then blamed each other for the crime which bamboozled Columbo until he realised they both did it. Ha!

So you're saying that when the one twin violently knocks the other out, he's somehow able to coax someone close enough to stab them to death using his one good hand? "closerrrrrr.... heecccchhh... come closer" *paws at studio guest*

And they're chefs, you say? Blimey.

But the case has been solved, Twin A did it.

It would best suit an episode of Judge John Deed.

Spoiler tags please!

MR ANGRY (AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?) FACE

Very, very true KevR. I FEEL A FOOL.

It's because of the fear of situations like this that there's always a trained tranquiliser marksman on cookery programmes. Next time you watch Ready Steady Cook, look for the gun barrel tip that occasionally drifts into view for a split second.

That was a great one. My favourite is still Donald Pleasance and his vineyard, though.

I really like the following ones:

The one where he gets done for drink driving as his alibi
The one with Patrick McGoohan
The one with the Magician
The one with the american football team (might be the McGoohan one thinking about it)

Malc

They do nothing, except putting a note in a safety deposit box, only to be opened when time travel is invented. The note gives instruction to go back in time, get the twins, take them to a point where they can grow all the extra organs and legs and things to successfully split them in two, perform the operation so that they have two separate people, then take them back to the day after the trial, where the guilty Twin A will be shot, leaving Twin B to do as he pleases.

You'd think Twin B would be the one doing the knocking out. After all, he's got that big mallet he carries around.

Columbofax! The drink driving alibi / magician ones both featured Jack Cassidy as the murderer.

Patrick McGoohan was the murderer in four different episodes. The American Football one wasn't one of them (Robert Culp was the naughty killer-bloke in that one).

I remember an excellent Columbo where the murdered set up a record player that played gunshot sounds, and then the arm knocked a pile of books on the floor to fool people into thinking that was the murder and a body falling, when really it had happened earlier.

As evidenced by Liquid Filth


Yeah, that was the one with the genius savant-type club. Bit of an odd one. The chess episode remains a classic for me.

The Bye Bye Sky High IQ Murder Case. Possibly the oddest title for a TV show ever.

Was it a columbo episode where someone let a cigarette go out in ash tray in an attempt to fake someone one being there, but Columbo (I presume) noticed that there was no tar stain on the filter.

That was pretty good too.

Malc

What's your show called, Doc?

The pilot we're working on? No name as yet.

That's a strange name.

It's all in the intonation.

No Name... Yet.

MR ONE EYE NOT QUITE LOOKING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION FACE

Fucking Mac users.

LOL

That is indeed an excellent one! Mad soundtrack too.