Be Excellent To Each Other

Looking for new management-speak cliches for an inward laugh at that next interminable meeting? Well, look no further chaps, it's the web based bullshit generator:

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html

Meh.

I particularly liked 'maximise holistic deliverables' and 'strategize plug-and-play vortals'.

Ha!

We had a training session recently where we had to write pretend engagement letters and advice, and we all tried to get away with the most ridiculous management speak possible to see who could do the most without getting told off. Not a word was spoken on the inclusion of things like "maximising the leverage of the value paradigm" and such like.

I heard ( friend-of-a-friend, so truthfulness is dubious ) of a game they used to play, where they'd invent a bit of daft business speak in a meeting, and see how long it took to get back to them from someone who wasn't in the meeting where it started. Apparently some of them only took a few hours.

Yup, I'm with you. Last place I worked, I secretly distributed unique 'bingo cards' among my cohorts with each square one meaningless cliche or other, to be used at our tedious, hours long Monday morning meeting that the then management insisted we all attend. The 'easier' phrases like 'ducks in a row', 'rolling out the project' et al were just normal squares, but some really hard ones were at the four corners. The so-called 'jackpot phrase', common to all the cards, was '... you make me a straw man, I'll cut him to shape', which had to be said in all seriousness to a Director, without smirking or laughing. I'm proud to say that I myself did achieve this highest accolade of office-japery, much to my eternal pride. Although I did make my excuses very shortly afterwards and promptly fell about laughing until crying like a baby in the staff toilet.

We went through a 'dare card' stage at one time as well; on this occasion, the 'instant jackpot' was suggesting we should all be more patriotic as a Company, and sing the National Anthem at the beginning of the meeting - and immediately launching into it oneself. However, none of us quite had the brass balls for that one.

George Michael has been jailed for 8 weeks for driving while high on pot.

There's a whale in the... Oh, you mean he's done it again.

If I had his money I'd have a driver, not be driving myself.
I wonder what his prison rider will be

Was frothingly angry at the wanker father of Billy Wright on the radio this morning (EDIT and just got reminded of it again by the Guardian). Who gives a fuck if your mass-murdering terrorist son was murdered, you twat. You've had a £30,000,000 inquest into it, and now you want the state to pay for more legal action? Shut up and fuck off. Your cunt of a son deserved to die, so don't play the poor wounded upset parent. Unless of course you think he was right to murder all those people.

Cock.

I sense that you feel quite strongly about this.

Don't you even feel a little sorry for Joy Beverley?

Meh.



Good work sir.

Just how old are you?

Was?

Heh!

That's me calmed down, that is.

I forget. I know it's got a 5 in it.


And a 6.

Another day in Sweden done. Chuffing hell, it is expensive! No chance that student pauper/jobless do naff Nickachu can afford it here. Particularly as he still hasn't written his CV.
Over £50 for 4 beers and 2 hamburgers.

You can buy beers for 10-15kr at the system bolaget.

Just don't eat or drink out!

Have you tried the Snus?

That's nothing compared to Norway, I can tell you.

I'm sure I paid *11 pounds* worth of NOK for a pint once.

I bought my girlfriend a double vodka and red bull in a bar and it was 112kr. Beers were about 50-60. Was 80 at o'learys at arlanda. Just try not to eat out and its not too expensive.

A pint of John Smiths at the Intercontinental Hotel, Muscat was £8, as was Fosters in 1997.

So, Nintendo are re-releasing Super Mario All-Stars on the Wii to mark some plumber-related anniversary.

In a mega-cynical move, it's seemingly just the Super NES game on a Wii disc. I mean, FFS, that makes the Super Mario Advance remakes and the Virtual Console seem generous and consumer friendly...

Forget Norway.

Man on the news earlier said that George Michael runs the risk of being remembered not for his music, but as a man with an out of control drug problem.

I still mainly remember him for the cottaging.

Pricey! Is the average Norwegian wage/salary higher to compensate? Or do most Norwayland residents resign themselves to never dining out?

I think partly it's the exchange rate and partly the really punitive tax on alcohol. The average wage seems comparatively low compared to here, but it seems to be a pretty well sorted out country so they're doing something right.

They're too busy scoffing their faces with whale meat to care.

Nul points.

"Oh hai Mr Chris! We heard you wanted to create energy from driving your car along the road, so we created a car that makes energy while it drives, so you can be not wrong while you drive."
\
http://www.automotto.org/entry/students ... om-ground/

Christ, I'm a visionary! I'm the fucking modern day Nostradamus.

HOOAH.

Re:; expensive alcohol, I thought as soon as they made the tax so ridiculous, everyone in Scandinavia just went over that big bridge to Denmark and stocked up on cheaps?

I for one will fight your corner to see your wrongness never referred to again.

Re: Mr Chris' Re: expensive alcohol.

It's cheap if you buy it from the shops, the swedish goverment "System Bolaget" are the only shops I think that can sell it, so they make the price so there's no competition. It's about £1 a beer there. Which isn't too bad really. It's only expensive in bars and pubs and the like.

What do George Michael and a pair of wellies have in common?

I recognise that motor, it's a 9c, same as on my uphill bike.

Mr Chris still wrong though and he knows it!

That's not generating anything! It's just powered by induction!

It's also the stupidest invention ever. Let's create a car with all the disadvantages of trains and none of the advantages.

It isn't just the alcohol in Sweden, it is everything! I* just paid £19 for a rack of ribs in an American style diner (All star bar^) and it was average at best. The strange thing is, the pubs have a good range of beers.


*My company
^not Starbar

Stop eating out you dick!

It's a lot cheaper from the supermarkets.

*insert crude joke about eating out and midnight fishing etc*

You see the asterisk bit?

Yes I did.

You found me a job yet?

Like everywhere else, then?

Yes.

Dinner's well cheap in Ikea.

As I'm off work ill I was going to find you a job... but then I realised you're leaving the country so there's no point.

If you think Mr Chris is right in this regard (or indeed that that invention is anything other than really stupid), I have an award for you...

You weren't going to find me a job.

I wish there was a way I could allocate CPU time to different things that this computer is doing, as copying 10 GB of photos from one drive to another is making it run very, very slowly.

It's not just CPU, thrashing the drive will slow everything down.

80 Minutes remaining...

Will I have to defrag the drive where they used to be? They accounted for about 1/3 of drive space on C:

Oooh, Arkham Asylum's a bit good. Just borrowed it off my younger brother and spent several hours on it last night. It's simple, but elegant.