Zio, honestly, I can't put it in quite such black and white terms as Malabar, but really, I think the problem here is mostly yours.
I think you have to come to terms with the fact that you need to decide whether you can just put up with er smoking, and whatever unpleasantnes that might ensue from that.
I didn't say when she gave up because of your protestations, but it was always going to end in tears. She can't and shouldn't quit
just because it annoys you. She needs to want to quit to do it successfully. At best it was going to end up with her secretly and guiltily smoking, hoping you wouldn't find out. She doesn't
want to quit, therefore you have to decide whether you can live,
happily, with that part of her character and behaviour.
Don't rush back. Take time to think. let her know you still love her, if you do, but really Zio, think it through and don't rush back just in relief. Part move-in if you have somewhere else to stay. Stay with her some days, if things go well stay there some nights - build up to it and just see how things go.
I'd be slightly worried about this:
Quote:
She also told me that she wished she'd never started smoking in the first place, which was an odd relief to hear since
Because it sounds like the 'relief' at this revelation might lead to you thinking that her regrets might mean this behaviour will change, but unless she, herself really wants it to, you just have to step back and let her do what she wants to do. It might now be at the point where you just have to shut up about it completely, put up with the smell and the taste and grin & bare it. Can you do that? From the way you make it sound, I'm not sure.
Jeez, Zio, you're such a nice sounding chap, but your posts are like a continuing call to *headdesk*, not because anyone is at all fed up wish your need to talk about how things affect you, because obviously you need this outlet and folks here will always support you, but because you seem to put yourself through such repeated and sustained angst.
Take things
slowly. it was not long ago that things were all over, she'd gone on holiday without you, you'd probably never see her again and were contemplating going on holiday with your ex, (and yes, I know your child, but a hurt lover will see only your ex in this situation) so it was quite surprising that the two of you were then making a home together a few weeks later.
Death affects people in wild and unpredictable ways. Especially such a sudden and shocking death, but these problems with your lady friend exist way beyond and before that. Clearly, you must care to put yourself through this, but sit back and take a little time for yourself. you need some time for you at the moment, so don't run back the moment someone says 'you can return under
these conditions which I state'. Approach it slowly, and with caution, not jumping back in both feet first, because it is clear from what you have said that you still have a
massive problem with her smoking and she does not want to quit, and is not prepared to compromise, so all the compromising is going to have to be done by you. Decide whether you can deal with that, first.