Be Excellent To Each Other

I have a question/view...

My ex-wife as unblocked me on messenger, new GF not happy (which I understand, not that I talk to the ex on it other than to ask what George was eating nappy size etc)

The gf is happy for me to text or email the ex-wife but not use messeger.

As a communication tool, I can't see the difference between them..

Especially as you can do all 3 on modern phiones or laptops etc...

It'll be the immediacy of it, which has the effect of making it feel more "intimate" somehow.

I'd imagine it is because when you chat to someone in messenger it is less formal and more like a real 'live' conversation so perhaps she is worried that it represents a softening between you both and she isn't comfortable with it. I would say messenger is more comparable to constant phone calls rather than exchanging texts and emails.

There is also the fact that you are more likely to have emails and texts showing it is just innocent parent stuff and less likely to have messenger logs on your mobile if it ever came to that.

Tell the GF to grow up. People talk to their exes (especially when you have a child, for fuck's sake!), she needs to have a little trust that an IM conversation doesn't mean you're leaping back into bed together.

The better your relationship with the ex the better for George, and that will always come before any relationship you get yourself into in the future. She has kids herself, she should know this.

You spending time talking to another woman, whoever it is = her being jealous / suspicious. A natural reaction, and you might be struggling to overcome that even though it's a bit unreasonable.

I can understand the emotive part of it, and I do keep my messenger logs for that reason.

But logically text, email & messenger are only an electronic communication issue...

What about your twitter DMs?

Anyway, bollocks to keeping a record of communication for inspection.

Thanks chaps... I am just finding it hard to explain to her that I don't want the ex back (for reasons a lot of you know).

I am just being civil.

Perhap it is beacuse I use all three typs of comms at work for work reasons I can't see the emotional differences..

Apprenlty this was discussed at ladies night and I am wrong.....

I am still tryign to delete them, twitter says they have all gone then finds more!!!!

Heh. You'll never win against a coven, dude.

I have to say that any relationship where you feel you have to keep a log of all communications to show at a random inspection sounds a little bit iffy. I know I don't know the full story, but no-one should feel they have to do that.

Who doesn't clear their web cache before the wife returns home?

No it is not for the gf I keep logs, it is because of the ex as she is a (can't say in public - ed). So I know I am not going mad.

Craster, you thought of becoming a counciller?

Heh - was I possibly a little undiplomatic?

Not if I wanted to be single....

'Tis true though. I have very regular contact with my ex because of our daughter and my missus just has to put up with it. To be fair though, she is pretty cool with it all.

Incidentally, I'd mentioned to the missus a couple of times recently that I'd been thinking of giving Twitter a spin, but didn't know how to use it or anything. She just gave me the stock polite "really?" response. I actually create a Twitter account last night and when the signup process goes through my email address book looking for friends, reveals she's had a Twitter account for over a year. She didn't understand why I might feel a bit upset that she'd never thought to mention it to me. Truth be told, I'm not sure why I would be either, just seemed a bit odd I guess.

Emotions/other halves/other stuff, eh?

Heh, Mrs Caveman even hates me going on forums - or "chatrooms" as she calls 'em; I get no end of grief about it. In fact, it's just about the only bone of contention between us at all, except for my smoking of course. I really, really just don't get it; she's tried to explain that it's the 'competition for my time' aspect and that I'd rather talk to people on the internet then her etc. etc., or some such nonsense, even though it takes just a few minutes of my time when I'm actually at home anyway. I try to explain that it's fun to have some guys to talk shit with etc., but she doesn't get it at all. Women eh?

The thought of going on Beex to try to cop off... L-LOL, on all sorts of levels, not least that I'm the oldest bugger here.

I don't think 10 tweets really counts.

I get that.

I always say, "too fucking right".

Don't give up. I'm sure Mr Dave would consider you a '10 pinter'.

Your best bet on here would be to buy this....

LOL.

I have a werewolf outfit which is a little badger-esque; I have the Essex chestwig and gold chain for this type of thing. In fact, Halloween approaches, so it's due to be wheeled out soon. Do you think Craster will be tempted?

No, and maybe the word 'upset' was too strong, it was more a mild bemusement that I'd be banging on about wanting to try something if only someone could give me a quick show of how it works and she never ever thought to say "hey! I used to go on that from time to time!". 'Tis all.

Have you met Warhead...

Oops, my mistake Jasmine, how ungallant of me. One thing's for sure though, I'm betting you're a lot easier on the eye!

Anyway, I'm out of this thread before I get myself in any more trouble and/or solicit an amorous response from Craster.

I was trying to explain why there might be a problem from some people about the communication type but personally I would find it unreasonable to go through my oartners texts/emails whatever. I am still friends with a couple of exes and my girlfriend is still friends with hers but I don't ever get jealous about it.

I'm only friends on facebook with one of my ex-girlfriends. Haven't had any contact with any others for years.

I suppose it is because the gf's ex had a lot a 'lady friends' also she is worried that the ex wants me back

Yeah I didn't mean that to sound like I would break up with someone for doing that. I mean that I can't see myself ever doing that. I think when it is someone who is feeling a bit stressed in a fairly new relationship with their new partner beginning to be able to keep in contact with the ex who is also the parent of their child, it is pretty understandable that they might get a bit insecure and I think that if you like the person enough then it is worth overlooking that and trying to reassure them but without changing your behaviour so long as it is reasonable. (which it sounds like it is.)
People get jealous and insecure all the time and obviously in situations like yours it is going to happen but it really isn't that big a deal if you handle it properly.

I think I need to handle it properly..

Then we're agreed!

Thread: successful.

Yes..

I will just have to pretend I understand there is a difference between text, email, and messenger

Has she explained why it's such an issue for her, Kov? Obviously she understands and accepts the contact you have with you ex to a degree and I don't think that is the issue, as long as you don't push it beyond the realms of parents talking to each other in civil way....

I think you should perhaps refrain from entering in to conversations with you ex over IM. You say you don't see the difference but for some reason, she does, logically or otherwise, if something isn't a big deal to you but is to your partner then I don't see why it needs to become an issue at all. You will still be in contact with Georges Mum so it's not exactly a compromise for you is it?

Give her this one Kov, but don't promise not to contact her on IM or say you'll block her as the very minute you do inadvertently speak to her, it will become a major trust issue. Just say you'll avoid getting into a conversation with her.

When you're in a relationship you both have to be on the same page and these things generally aren't worth the arguement so whether or not it's an issue of principle, unless you feel very strongly about it, sometimes you just have to give in!

Heh, you just amused me as I met Joans through the boards, definitly not intentional though, a relationship was the last thing on my mind!

As you were.

That is what I have agreed to do, just block her on IM, but not delete her (her idea).