Be Excellent To Each Other

I'm going to Amsterdam on the 21st. Haven't been before and am only there for three nights so I'm hoping to cram in lots of sightseeing.

Anyone been? Got any recommendations in terms of things on and off the beaten track? Anything I need to avoid.

Irritatingly Ajax vs Roda JC seems to have sold out but I'm still hoping to snag a ticket on the day or something.

Ride a fucking bike.

Hold back some sea. A bunch of sea.

Churches, lots of really nice churches.

Also: Get on the train to Delft.

Grind a bunch of wheat.

The modern art museum is brilliant - and there's the Van Gogh museum too, if you like him.

Heineken Museum is a laugh.

And my cousin's* bar is just round the corner

*sort of. He's the son of my wife's uncle's ex-wife's new husband.

A windmill with quins in, and triplets, and twins in?

hide in an attic.

Speak a bunch of language.

806 Bananas.

*head explodes*

Cheers so far. Not you tho Dimzlez (a lack of poo facilities has made you dafter than a badger with two tails and no head)!



What's in Delft?

I'll scope out the museums for deffo and maybe some churches (not religious but missus is a bit or something I think).

Rodneyft.

Go to the Banana Bar (Bananenbar).

What's that all aboot?

Irritatingly if I'd checked beforehand I'd have seen that Ajax are playing on the 25th against Dynamo Kiev. That'd be exciting as I'm half-Ukrainian and Kiev are my mum's team.

Feelings women's tits, mainly.

Mrs Blucey will be in attendance (ten year anniversary ERK!) so that kind of thing isn't likely. Instead it'll be more about canals and Anne Frank and paintings and er stuff like that.

A bit of cafe action for sure but that's easy enough to sort out. I'm just looking for interesting things that I won't find in the basic tour books.

I hear there's a horror museum for a start. That sounds er... alright.

It's years since I've been, but you used to get loads of free beer if you did the tour. I remember the guide explaining how they take great care to ensure the Heineken beer tastes exactly the same all over the world. 'Why is it so shit in Britain then?' piped up one wag. A few years ago with the assistance of a scary Ray Liotta they started making a big deal out of the fact that it's not the fizzy piss you used to get but proper Dutch stuff.

Amsterdam is just generally interesting just wandering around as it's not that big. Being offered coke and E every 5 minutes does get a bit tedious after a while though.

You never know unless you try!

Avoid alleyways at night.

I've found that even the most conservative of young ladies are very interested in checking out the seedier side of places like this. You can't not visit the Red Light District, it's a part of the experience.

I'm not a pimp or anything. I've been a few times, once with my girlfriend and she was really interested in it all. She's a right dirty bitch, though.

You now get a single glass of Heineken per person. It's very nice Heineken, though.

It's a very nice kick in the balls, though.

The only places I have been outside the UK are Amsterdam and Rotterdam. We got a ferry over and my grandad bought me a windmill about 6" high. It was my pride and joy, and everyone knew it. When we came to move to London my uncle was 'packing stuff' and had a big bag full of things to throw away, and I walked in just as he threw it in the bag, and he crushed it's little plastic sails as he did so, the spiteful b***ard. he saw me, smiled and said 'what, you didn't want that junk, did you?'

We were moving into our own flat, away from my uncle, so whether I bought my absolute favourite trinket with me was of no consequence to him whatsoever, he was (is) just a spiteful git.

So... when in Amsterdam you should buy a little windmill. Also, eat pizza in a little cafe and admire tulips. Actually, it maY be to late for tulips? not sure.

Actually, just have fun.

Oh, and take loads of pictures of interesting buildings and try on some clogs

If you can gfet some slippers in the shape of clogs but styled like cows, I would be most grateful.

Ecstasy coke ecstasy coke..... There were a TON of peddlers around when we went there. A friend of mine almost got in a fight when he politely declined, and then reacted to being called a 'fatty'. Maybe saying 'yeah, your mum' to a group of shady guys wasn't the best response my chum could've chosen.

Ecstasy coke ecstasy coke

I'd be more interested in some cows in the shape of slippers but styled like clogs, personally.

It's not even good coke, in fact it has much the opposite effect. I've lost count of the amount of times I've scored then woke up on stage getting bummed by a string of dwarves.

Still, when in Rome.

Always heard good things about the Melkweg. But I've never made it there.

http://www.melkweg.nl/

Delft is very pretty.

If you're a carnivore check out 'La Boca Argentinean Steakhouse'. Went there the last two times, awesome steaks.

go to Marken.

It's a lovely village just about 20 km away.