Video game jokes

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

As Europe's top video games radio show One Life Left is doing a stand up comedy night at gamecity this year, they might need some jokes. Can you help out?

Here's some the Triforum has come up with:

Quote:

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To avoid the balloons, telephones, cheese and other strange elements

Q: How do you get up from under a bulldozer?
A: Wait for Ford. When he comes, *don't* take the towel he offers you. Instead, say FORD, WHAT ABOUT MY HOME. He will persuade Prosser to take your place and then you can go south, then west, to the pub.

How did Sagat make Chun-Li cry?
Tiger up her cunt.

What did Ken and Ryu have for dinner?
Haddouk 'n' Chips

Come on, what have you got?

Dimrill · **Posted:** Mon Jul 26, 2010 23:31

What did Mario have for breakfast?
Nothing because he doesn't exist.

Why Zelda?
Unfunny punchline.

Limbo.

Sir Taxalot · **Joined:** 5th Apr, 2008 **Posts:** 4809

What do you call an alien inside #well-known dimwitted celebrity#'s head?

A space invader.

:metul:

kalmar · **Posted:** Mon Jul 26, 2010 23:34

Please stop, my sides.

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

Nirejhenge wrote:

As Europe's top video games radio show One Life Left is doing a stand up comedy night at gamecity this year, they might need some jokes. Can you help out?

Here's some the Triforum has come up with:

The Triforum get a score of 47 bananas for their joke writing abilities. Even Joe Pasquale would draw the line at nicking those.

Dimrill · **Posted:** Mon Jul 26, 2010 23:35

What do you call a Vimto.. *dragged away from keyboard* get your hands off me! who won the bloody war, anyway?!

Grim... · **Posted:** Mon Jul 26, 2010 23:45

The only somewhat geeky joke I know goes something like:

Work have noticed the IT guy hasn't turned up for a while. The police go to his house and find him dead in the shower. Some sort of super-coroner decrees that he died of exhaustion. One policeman picks up the bottle of shampoo that was near the body and says "Aha - this is what did it."
He points at the instructions: "Lather, rinse, repeat."

It's not very good, admittedly.

kalmar · **Posted:** Mon Jul 26, 2010 23:45

chinnyhill10 wrote:

The Triforum get a score of 47 bananas for their joke writing abilities. Even Cheggers would draw the line at nicking those.

I've updated that pop-culture reference for you. No extra charge!

kalmar · **Posted:** Mon Jul 26, 2010 23:48

Oh, I know, how many game programmers does it take to count to 10 in binary? Eh, eh?

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

kalmar wrote:

I've updated that pop-culture reference for you. No extra charge!

Cheggers just tweeted a few jokes. Pasquale has been up to his old tricks just a few months back:

http://www.chortle.co.uk/news/2010/04/04/10784/skinner_squeals_on_joke_thief_pasquale

chinnyhill10 · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 15695

1010010100100111001010011100100010010001101101010011110110010000010

One for Dr Gaywood there.

JohnCoffey · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 2:00

Why didn't Amata leave Vault 101?

She was afraid her tits would Fallout.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

Here's some more quality

Quote:

What happens if you give a fat Scottish lass an exercising game for her birthday.

She throws a Wii Fit.

Q. What's black and white and red all over.

A. Mad World.

Why did Princess Zelda ignore her Hyrulian hero whilst on her Atkins diet?

'Cos of his Link to the Pasta.

An Englishman, Irishman and Italian plumber walk into a bar. They're out to get drunk, so as they drink Rosé wine, the Englishman phones his wife Rose to say he'll be late. Then they drink beer, and the Irishman phones Bree, his girlfriend, to say he'll be late. Then suddenly the evening was ruined. Why? ... Peach Schnapps.

Q. Why did Microsoft change the name to "Kinect"?
A. Because the as-yet-unborn-infants to who it'll appeal, are all anti-Natal. (antenatal)

Whats the difference between Cheggers and Lara Croft?

One is thought of being: bust in jests.
The other is thought of: just in breasts.

I'm sure you'll agree that there's some real quality there.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:58

How do you get Pikachu on a bus?

Poke him on.

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38642

What do you do when you meet King Koopa?

Bow-sir!

Curiosity · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 8:59

I liked the Sagat one.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 9:01

Which game character, journalist, author and television presenter has worked for the BBC since 1977 and is noted for a forthright and abrasive interviewing style, particularly when interrogating politicians.

Jeremy Pacman.

Zen-Chan · **Joined:** 30th Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 326

What is Noel and Liam from Oasis favourite shoot em up?

Galaga

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:38

I play Street Fighter 4 using a microswitched bovine.

It's Hori-bull.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:54

Is this thing on?

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 10:58

This is a terrible idea.

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:12

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Malabelm · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:15

Grim... wrote:

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Yeah, basically. If you want jokes, even based on video games, you go to comedians or people with a sense of humour, not just people who like them. Barely any of those even registered a smile.

Kern · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:16

My crudely-drawn, poorly-animated, anthropomorphic platform game character has no nose...

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:17

Perhaps if Noel Fielding said them you'd laugh.

You heartless cunt.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:17

Kern wrote:

My crudely-drawn, poorly-animated, anthropomorphic platform game character has no nose...

It's okay. Just drag a few vertices out of his face.

Am I doing punchlines right?

Grim... · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:17

Malabar Front wrote:

Grim... wrote:

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Yeah, basically. If you want jokes, even based on video games, you go to comedians or people with a sense of humour, not just people who like them. Barely any of those even registered a smile.

I meant the original idea.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:18

Grim... wrote:

I meant the original idea.

Or that.

Malc · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:22

If you thought Elite was pretty fronty, then you should know that the sequel is Frontier.

Malc

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:25

And he put a railgun on a Crow!

Mr Dave · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:36

Grim... wrote:

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Aye.

Most of this page has made me cringe and feel mildly embarrassed rather than amused.

Sorry.

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:37

Mr Dave wrote:

Grim... wrote:

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Aye.

Most of this page has made me cringe and feel mildly embarrassed rather than amused.

Sorry.

You liked mine though, right?

kalmar · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 12:45

Mr Dave wrote:

Grim... wrote:

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Aye.

Most of this page has made me cringe and feel mildly embarrassed rather than amused.

I assumed we were mostly taking the piss out of the dire jokes in the original post, no?

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38642

Yes.

That's what I was doing

*whistles*

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 13:47

Knock, Knock

Who's there?

Not my fucking Star Points.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

Excellent work chaps, just the sort of crap I was looking for.

I hope you didn't think I thought that the original jokes were good. The whole point was that they're terrible.

Mr Dave · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 14:06

I always go to stand up comedy events to not laugh.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 14:09

Mr Dave wrote:

I always go to stand up comedy events to not laugh.

So do Plissken's audience.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

For some reason people go to see Michael McIntyre live too. It's a strange world.

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 14:28

Nirejhenge wrote:

For some reason people go to see Michael McIntyre live too. It's a strange world.

He was good live. better than Jimmy Carr.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

How could that be when all his jokes are terrible?

MaliA · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 14:42

Nirejhenge wrote:

How could that be when all his jokes are terrible?

He was very good live, but this was a couple of years ago. We then heard them be recycled on the telly on various panel shows.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 14:43

Nirejhenge wrote:

How could that be when all his jokes are terrible?

His material is often brilliant, I reckon. He's annoying as hell, but he is funny.

Derek The Halls · **Joined:** 31st Mar, 2008 **Posts:** 3742

First time I saw one of his live shows on TV I watched for 10 minutes and didn't even smile. Someone showed me one of his 'best' jokes once. The Man Drawer. I vaguely smirked.

His humour isn't for me. But anyway. Let's get back to some jokomasochism.

Malabelm · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 15:13

Nirejhenge wrote:

First time I saw one of his live shows on TV I watched for 10 minutes and didn't even smile. Someone showed me one of his 'best' jokes once. The Man Drawer. I vaguely smirked.

His humour isn't for me. But anyway. Let's get back to some jokomasochism.

I think we have almost polar tastes in everything anyway, chap.

Dimrill · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 16:34

Mr Dave wrote:

Grim... wrote:

MaliA wrote:

This is a terrible idea.

To be honest, :this:

Aye.

Most of this page has made me cringe and feel mildly embarrassed rather than amused.

Sorry.

Hence why mine were mocking in tone. :attitude:

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 16:45

Mine were carefully tailored for the target market.

DavPaz · **Joined:** 27th Jun, 2008 **Posts:** 38642

Mine was fucking hilarious

Zardoz · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 16:51

Even though I laugh at everything I do I must say my Hori-bull gag had me in fucking stitches. Classic Zarmeister.

DBSnappa · **Posted:** Tue Jul 27, 2010 16:58

Square are removing the random battles from FF and that the new FF game will take 90 minutes to finish.

Hideo Kajima promises fewer cutscenes

Capcom say they're not doing sequels after Streetfighter IV CE Turbo 3D

Duke Nukem will be out next month

GT5 will come with a 9000 hour development diary DVD and has actually morphed into Wipeout due to cars not actually using wheels by the time it comes out.

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