Be Excellent To Each Other

So I go out, get a taxi to a bar I used to frequent, and now I might be buying a part ownership in a bar near where I work.

LONDON FOLK!

Facny coming to a quiz on Monday?

Not here. Monday after though.

RUBBISH,

You fail at helpong me onw a bar.,

FUCK OFF FLY

Grim, would you like to buy a share of me?

And told the landlady your money was spent?

Does your new bar sell Guinness and Crabbies' ginger beer (not mixed)?

Ten bananas bright!

Oh my.

have you woken up owning a bar?

Woke up on the bar.

Not yet. The owner of the bar I drink in a lot is buying it, but offering all his regulars a stake if they want it. Excellently, the new bar is right around the corner from where I work.
I will investigate.

woken up behind bars?

Woken up barred from the bar?

I recall that my stupidly-too-big jeans fell down last night and I fell over.

Have you taken to wearing your jeans like the Young People do?

No, but I wear shorts to work and I just stuffed my jeans into my bag, sans belt. I've also lost a bit of weight (not so you'd tell, it's rather like the Empire State building dropping a foot in height, but it's enough to make sure my jeans don't fit) so I needed a belt.
S'alright, I had good boxers on.

Did you have underpants on?

Were they 'decent'?

Edit: Good

How curious.

Ooh! And I felt up a girl with fake boobs, and told her she "probably should have spent a little more money".
SMOOTH

Oh, good work sir.

...on her Escort.

Well played.

Excellently I got to "test" them because, having had relations with two ladies with fake breasts (separately, sadly), I am considered an "expert". This has, I shit you not, happened several times before.

Did I just hear the sound of Titler rolling in his bunk bed?

Aha. Just remembered hugging a homeless guy and giving him five pounds.
I have a feeling I told him that Jesus loved him.