Be Excellent To Each Other

Anyone here know anything about the noble art of carpentry?

I've got a few things I want to do around the house, and I'm sort of vaguely looking for a hobby, so I thought I'd actually learn how to do this wood stuff properly, rather than bodge it together with bits of leftover junk. However, I'm a bit put off by the cost of tools.

My first project is going to be a sort of compost pile frame, and rather than nail some pallets together, I thought I'd use it as a bit of a practice for some jointing and doing things properly, so it's likely to end up as both the most over-engineered compost frames, and the most shabbily constructed one in the world. But nothing ventured and so on, and hopefully in six months I'll be posting pictures of walnut chests of drawers and ebony and rosewood curio boxes for you all to coo over.

Also, I really want a circular saw.

I had a fiddle a few years back, but never really did anything with it due to a lack of space to work. I might have a few tools lying around that I'd offer up for cheepz - a router, drill press, stuff like that.

For quick and easy carpentry you want a Mitre saw (I have the powered chop saw type), a router and also a biscuit jointer and table saw (I did have those until they got nicked). Also a sharp chisel.

Armed with those and some careful measuring, anyone can make a strong and neat looking construction.

So you're planning to make a box for curio then?

I would be heartily interested in tools.

I'm also a bit worried about space - I have a decent outside area where I could stick a workbench, but it's hardly the place to use anything big or expensive that can't be locked in a cupboard, and I;d obviusly be limited to dryness and daylight. I might be able to set something up in the attic, or borrow the neighbouts garage if I take it more seriously at all.

A Black and Decker Workmate would be a reasonable start, as it folds up and is portable.

I hate working with wood. It never goes the right shape.
Give me metal any day.

Thing is, once you've worked with metal for a long time, you will then start to apply that level of precision and care to wood work and suddenly it all works nicely! Shame you can't tack weld wood admittedly

I think I may look into those workmate type benches - even if I do get more serious later on it'll be useful.

I'm tempted to go to some jumble sales or car boot sales for tools, but I don't really want to end up with a bunch of stolen goods, as I've heard talk that tools are prime targets or swiping and then selling on.

No kidding

I dunno man, wood just seems to hate me. I put as much effort into measuring and marking and shit, and it always bites me in the ass.

They are very useful for all sorts of things, although pricey. I got mine for about 55 in Screwfix but you can pay 90 in B&Q and places

Yeah, they're not just good for wood, you can use them as steps and emergency jacks and all sorts

I went for the homebase cheap as (wood) chips workmate, it is fine, although a little flimsy cf a BD workmate, and was less than £20 I think. Granted, I had to build it myself, but that was good practise!

OT a bit: Someone bought the Grimlet a toy workbench for his birthday, and I was most impressed that, when you put it together, you used the plastic bolts and tools it came with.
I was not impressed at all with the toy Black and Decker chainsaw, though : Can anyone spot the really, really stupid thing they did?

Kick yourself. If you'd mentioned this last week I could have given you a ton of carpentry stuff as I was clearing out my mother in laws house.
Including an old but in very good nick for it's age workmate, more saws, hammers, chisels, set squares, planes and other manual carpentry tools than you could shake a carpenter's pencil out.

They're all gone now

I've got a Workmate that was my dad's, and it's superb. The frame is cast iron, it's the most rock-solid thing I've ever seen.

Put a speaker in instead of an engine?
Used a flimsy looking plastic chain?

Putting a guard at the tip of the blade

Neither of those - it's got exactly the same buttons as the 'grown-up' B&D chainsaw, and to make it go you have to pull the 'trigger' and put your thumb on the safety lock button.
Whoever thought it was a good idea to teach children exactly how to fire up a real chainsaw should be shot.

Heh.
Still, don't leave your real chainsaw plugged in, and always push the stop bar forward when you've finished using it.

But the toy one teaches them to pull the stop bar back, see?

Brilliant!

Oh noes!

Thanks for all the advice chaps - I will post on here if I ever make any progress ( assuming I haven't hacked all my digits off in a freak mortise-and-tenon accident ).

It can happen. Mate of mine lost his thumb, index and middle fingers of his left hand on a chop saw because he was rushing. He now has a 'toe-thumb', which quite apart from being awesome, is also useless and a toe. So be careful, gods dammit!

What, wait, what?!

A toe-thumb?!

I hope that's not what I think it is

Googling for "toe thumb" comes back with loads of links to Megan Fox. Is she your friend?

It's exactly what you think it is.

Not his big toe is it? I thought you need them to balance when walking.

Eurgh!

They took his second toe from his left foot and sewed it onto his hand as a thumb. It's exactly what you think it is. He was complaining about it when it was first done as it (and I quote) "smelled of feet". I had to laugh. It looks a fair bit like Megan's thumb too, expect he has quite extensive scarring. And thick, dark hairs.

Besides the silliness, the toe thumb has enabled him to both grip a pint glass and use a manual gearbox. But not at the same time, obv.

I have been carpenting this last week.

I first made a niddy noddy

Ta-da!



OK, so there are no nails or screws - it is held together by a wonderful combination of duct tape and string, but hey, it works! I can call it carpentry as I bought and used a saw! I know it is just sticks ad string (broomstick stick bits) but it cost me about £1 instead of the £40+ to buy one.

I have also since made a swift out of cardboard toilet roll inner tubes, clothes pegs, bits of broom stick and dowel. You kind of need to see that in action to get the full wonderful effect, though. I will try and make a little vide tomorrow if all goes well.

Awesome! Well done I have no idea what that is.
edit: now I've read the link. I have no idea what a skien is.




?
You are clever Mimi

A skein is a big loop of wool, as opposed to a rolled ball of wool.

And a swift is something that you can loop the yarn around and which freely turns as you pull one end:

£40 for a niddy noddy? You should go into business making them, especially as you've already invested all that up front capital in a saw. Make a few of them a week and you'll be laughing!

What kind of saw did you get? Rip saw? Crosscut saw? Tenon saw, or even a dovetail saw? One of those bonkers Japanese pullsaws? You could probably even have gotten away with a fretsaw or a coping saw. I like the look of those single edge saws, myself.

I'll give you £50 for 25% of the business.

But I want another Beexer to take the other 25%.

Deal!

Congratulations Mimi, you're now 50% owner of MimiGrimSquirt Inc. Be at the office at 9am tomorrow, and we're expecting 25 niddy noddys a day from now on. We'll be at The Ivy, making deals and networking.

Obviously the £100 will be paid in monthly instalments over the next five years.

Will Grim... get another Dragon to join the venture or will they find Mimis Swift venture hard to swallow?
\

That man is so strange looking.

Has that been Zadozzed, or are those his real eyes?

I think any Zardozzing would actually end up making more normal looking.

You're right!

That's just him.

I did do a job on him last week or so, but I've lost it.

Thread of the week! My belly hurts from the laughing silently in the office.

Ah, here we go.

It was a coping saw with five interchangeable blades.

Let me tell you, if you ever go to Wilkinson's and buy:

a saw
two broomsticks
8 bottles of mouthwash
some duct tape
and 3 turkey basters

the checkout cashier will remark on your purchases.

When they say 'that's a strange selection of purchases' and you reply 'I'm dyeing' make sure you think to add something about it being dyeing with the 'e'. Have this thought whilst you are standing there and not, say, two hours later when you are back home.

Well it could easily be a mummification kit...