Be Excellent To Each Other

Hello folks,
Death comes to us all. Some people choose to end their life early. Do you know someone who has killed themself, or are willing to say you came close yourself? Do you have a 'story' (all tastefulness intended) to tell? Have you ever volunteered for, or called the Samaritans? Phil, the drummer in Radiohead, is probably the most famous part-time Samaritan I can think of. Interestingly.

Suicide. Has it touched your life?

note: I am sure you know people who have died from other things. That's sad, probably, but sssshhh, wrong thread.

My uncle commited suicide by throwing himself through a window on the third floor of a mental institution. Not a joke.

My mate does shifts for the Samaritans.

How old was your uncle, CG?
How many months/years has your friend been at it, myoptika?

I was looking at their website just the other day. I've enough to worry about right now though, to be perfectly honest.

My uncle was about 33 at the time. He'd been sectioned for a short while, and then they took him off section, which evidently turned out to be a mistake because he took the opportunity to kill himself. I believe he had one of those severe 'people are trying to get me' delusions, which led him to believe, y'know, killing himself was the only way.

Mrs Chris volunteered at the Samaritans whilst we were in London. She stopped after 9 months or so as 75% of the calls were from perverts and 20% of the calls were from people who were just a bit lonely and repeatedly called up for a chat. Sad, but true.

That's tragic. What effect - and I apologise for any inadvertant ghoulishness - did it have on your Mum/Dad? What I'm trying to ask is if he had remaining direct family, and how they coped? Distraught? A bit relieved?

Yes.
My grandfather killed himself.
My mother has attempted to no less than 3 times.
My girlfriend did.
Me.

I tried, more than once. About 8 years ago, the most recent one.

To be honest, I can barely remember exactly what I was feeling at the time, I think that I've blanked out the very worst bits.

Not relieved chap, it's never a 'relieved' situation, the whole thing was fucking awful. I was only about 14 at the time, but it was terribly tragic. My uncle was a really, really nice bloke, as friendly as you like, but he did develop mental problems in the few years before he died. It didnt marr anyones opinion of him though, everyone loved him. My mum was a mess for a fair while, as he was her brother. It was in the local paper the time (man throws self through 3-story window to death, type thing), with a lot of blame levied at the institution who took him off section too soon.

Not good. I spent a while at the time thinking WHY? a lot. For me suicide is an impossibility. I'd never, ever top myself for any reason. Death is the lowest state of being, so anything above that, i.e. miserable but alive, is preferable.

My Mum did a proper serious attempt a few years back where she ended up unconsicous for hours. I'm not sure I ever quite recovered from it, honestly. Looking through medical records, it's genuinely surprising just how many people have attempted suicide, at least in the practice I was working for.

I would have to respectfully disagree that miserable but alive is always better, simply from personal experience. Even recently, if I hadn't thought that things could, and would, get better, there would be little point carrying on. The only way I can compare it is, if you were in constant, agonising pain, that you knew would not go away in your life, how long would you wish to carry on? Genuine mental anguish is like that.

On a semi-related note, I'm not sure if you consider voluntary euthanasia suicide, but if so that would definitely be a situation where relief would be an appropriate emotion, among others of course.

I once gave it serious thought, back when I was about 14 or 15. My Head of Year noticed some very erratic behaviour from me and pulled me in for a friendly chat one day, and after spilling it all out (I was bottling up what I was feeling) I realised that the problems I had at the time didn't amount to a hill of beans compared to some others, and it "cured" me. My opinion of my Head of Year changed that day too - everyone else saw her as something of a dragon, I was quite surprised to see she had a compassionate side to her.

A girlfriend of mine tried once, unfortunately while I was about 250miles away. I had to get her ex (who I hated) to break her door down and get her to hospital. She took a cocktail of non-prescription medicines, just fucking buckets of them if what was left over at her house was anything to go by. She survived, but fucked herself right up - she's since had a kidney transplant, heart failure and a list of other stuff.
Without wishing to sound insulting or mummy-like, I'd (really struggling to find a way to say this) like to say that if Mr Dave shares his story with us, you should think hard before reading it, because it's honestly one of the most heart-wrenching things I've ever read, and affected me for weeks after I read it, to the extent that I didn't actually say anything about it (even though there was nothing I could say), when maybe I should.
Sorry, Dave.

Also: I fucking love the MASH song.

Well I for one am pleased that Mr Dave is with is, regardless. I need him to vote for Bluecup, that mafia bastard.

As for what you said Ste, I think it's how you perceive life. I have, like most people, been at hideous lows at one time or another, and even at its most worst the thought never crossed my mind, not once. I'd just never do it. I can't really explain why.

From what I have read, it does seem that most would-be suiciders who change their mind, do so because of another person coming to mind. Variously attributed to 'looking for any excuse to get out of it', and to experiencing a moment of clarity.

Without wanting to sound like an arse, are you trying to tell us something, CUS?

Don't worry, it's not something I like sharing (Indeed, there are aspects to it that I haven't ever told people about)

But I don't think I'll ever be properly fixed while I'm still alive. (Or indeed, ever really believe that I deserve to be)

That I wanted to start a conversation about suicide and specifically, the effects it 'leaves behind'? I've just started another on Education. More depressing if you ask me arf satire etc. Also, and more specifically, no.

Not so. I survived because of
-Someone holding onto my ankles
-2 cases of people finding me and getting me medical treatment.
-1 case of unexpected vomitting. (Lesson learned - Alcohol, while it may be conducive to helping you try, is not overly great at helping you succeed)

Suicide has, thankfully, not touched my family. But it has touched my life.

Be a good chap and don't try again, I do have a rather grudging liking of you.

I tried 6 years ago with a cocktail of diazepam, sleeping pills, cocaine and vodka following a bad spell with certain mental health problems i struggle with.

Friends and family treating me with kid gloves when i'm going through the odd bad spell, while understandable, is very uncomfortable.(Though i do appreaciate that while i know i'm not about to do something stupid, they of course don't.)

My Uncle killed himself about 16 - 17 years ago.

First funeral that I ever went to. The state that my mum was in rather convinced me that the effect it has on the 'left behind' makes it massively not worth it.

Not that I would. Never having had head issues (thankfully) and being a shockingly jammy bastard in all my dealings (work / personal / social), I'd probably subscribe to CUS' "Better Miserable Than Dead" newsletter.

Without meaning to belittle anyone who genuinely feels that they can't go on.


Woah. Heavy.

What?!

Oh Lordy Lordington. Huge apologies, CUS. It was, of course, ComicalGnomes who said;



and not you. Bugger.


Sorry again.

No worries.

masively intrigued by Daves story...but looks like it wont be aired.


Mate of mine tried to commit suicide at uni, first year. He went to a different uni to all of us lot and hated it. He was sectioned. Struggling with his sexuality and being alone = cry for help.

He is an intelligent guy so if he had really wanted to he would have succeeded.

Other than that I dont go near the subject.
Personally I air on the side of CG, pointless waste and theres always something better to do than just die. if you genuinely feel for whatever reason your life is "over" why not donate it to someone else, perhaps in the form of charity work? That can be immensely gratifying and life affirming. not that id know, as im a corporate whore who "works hard for the money".

Guessing from this rhetoric that perhaps you were cause for someone elses death. if not, then apologies. if so, then sympathies, as if ive read it right it was probably an accident.

definitely intrigued though.

on a side note, ive been reading that thread about prison, and also taking an interest in serial killers, perhaps spawned from the mafia thread. all psychologically demanding "environments" and mightily interesting...or maybe im just wierd?

Only as wierd as me then LS!

I should add I have known a couple of people who have commited suicide, both hung themselves, it was as much the questions they left as much as anything else.

Thought about it myself? Hell yeah, about 16 years ago I was in an extremly abusive relationship and saw no way out. I didn't because I had Darryl - I couldn't protect him from the people hurting me if I was dead. The only other option was to kill us both (me + baby). Couldn't even consider it - not in this lifetime anyway.

You can officially cut that shit out right now, mister. You did nothing wrong.

[edit]Assuming that I know what the fuck I'm talking about, of course.

I'm going to try to explain some of my thoughts on this now. I've had a few drinks, else I wouldn't even try, but not enough that I don't know what I'm doing or anything.

Right. As many of you may know, I've posted enough about it, I suffer from depression, and have done for much of my life. It varies in severity, but it's never completely gone. When it hits, properly hits, I'm barely capable of getting out of bed, or conversing about even the simplest of things. Thankfully, this is very rare, the times I've documented in the last few weeks have been the first for several years, and have been mercifully brief. Maybe this will answer the person who suggested charity work, for example. At my lowest point, it would simply be inconceivable.

Now, suicide. Frankly, the thought that I could, at any point, through choice, end whatever suffering I'm going through is actually a comfort at the lowest points. Combining that with the knowledge that, in the past, I've always got through it, and having good friends supporting, means I can cope. Much of that support comes from this forum, for which I'm very grateful.

Suffice to say, if I do again reach a stage where I cannot deal with my problems, and cannot find a way out, I'll not be any use to other people at that point. Deep down, I still believe that this point will come, and I probably will end my life at some point. It, even now, feels a long way off though.

This is probably the most honestly I've ever spoken about my feelings on this subject.

Yes, so, my thoughts there. Despite how it sounds, right now I'm ok and happy enough. The depression is nearby, just over the horizon so to speak, but a combination of friends, personal effort, and medication is keeping it at bay, and I'm doing ok.


Edit - taken out the request not to quote. Reread it, and am happy enough with it staying.

Well, if it's any help, there's always a forum full asshats you can talk to if need be.

There's a whole internet full of them! Also, asshat is an amazing word!

It felt surprisingly good to write that, actually. Whatever the reason the topic was started, it's a subject that gets ignored or swept under the carpet too often, and being able to talk about it is probably a good thing.

Although, I'm starting to worry what percentage of my posts are about depression, suicide, alcohol, or all 3...*





*That is actually a deadpan joke.

I'd just like to say that Mr Joists has been a great personal help to me, regarding such things. I won't elaborate further, as it is not my place to do so but seriously, he da man.

When I was at high school I did do slightly silly things like take a sharp knife upstairs and sit alone thinking about the things it could do, but deep down I wouldn't really have done it, I don't think. Oddly I never told anyone, even my parents, so it wasn't much of a "cry for help". School was hard times in the last few years, for me at least.

In all seriousness, the little "dabble" of thought (for want of a better word) I had is nothing compared to some of the things others have experienced and I would never claim otherwise.

One of my Dad's best friends killed herself by locking herself out of the house in her back garden with a roll of clingfilm, which she then wrapped around her head several times. Her husband had cheated on her (a number of times I believe) and that was her answer.

I've thought about doing it a number of times, to the point that I'm fairly certain I know how I'd go about it, but I doubt I actually would. This isn't one of those cry for help things, I just generally often don't see much point in living what is essentially a deeply boring, pointless life. The trouble is that I have quite a lot of debt, which I am at least able to pay off, albeit very slowly. My sudden death would cause this debt to be passed on to my parents, who would struggle to pay it, and that would be a really shit thing for me to do coupled with the grief and all that.

The really strange thing is that I failed to look properly when driving on to a roundabout the other day, nearly causing myself to be hit by a bus and promptly shat myself. Quite an interesting response I thought, for someone who's thought about killing himself multiple times to actually be faced with the very real possibility of death.

Also: just wanted to say that merely getting an inkiling into why Mr. Dave has considered makes me look a right twunt with my reasons. But hey, you* asked.

*well, CUS, obviously.

I know of a couple of people who have killed themselves, both by hanging.

One was a friend of the family who disappeared for a bit, worrying the hell out of his wife and kids - he was then found and hospitalised but after it was thought everything was ok, he walked out of hospital and hung himself from a tree.

The other was a lad I used to hang around with as a kid - mine and his parents kept in touch but it was surprising to see his Mum and Dad turn up at our house as we rarely saw them. Turns out their son had moved into our street some time ago but they'd been worried about him as they'd been unable to get in touch with him. Unfortunately, he'd already hung himself.

Not sure why so many choose hanging as their way out though - it certainly wouldn't be the way I'd go about it (Mind you, I'd need a bloody strong rope). Speaking of which, yeah, like a few people on here I've considered it (daily, to be honest, but only in a 'daydream about the outcome of throwing myself into traffic' kinda way rather than actually planning anything out. My reasons for *not* doing it though are having people around who care about me and having any 'unfinished business', in my case, having debts I want to repay and a few things I'd like to achieve etc.

With suicide, you choose when and how you go. The sudden death of being crushed to little bits by a large passenger-carrying vehicle would scare anyone

That's actually very true, I suppose.

Because it's quick, relatively painless, and for some people, makes a rather large statement.

Not the least painless method out there, nor the fastest. And not, indeed, the largest statement.

I always figured I'd do it by hooking a hose up to the exhaust of my car - though I've got no idea how effective good ol' carbon monoxide poisoning is in these enlightened times of catalytic converters and low-emission engines. Simply because it seemed quite a peaceful way to go and my car is pretty much my favourite material possession. No statements needing to be made here, just simple lack of desire to continue living.

But hey, I doubt I'll ever do it so no worries.

Carbon monoxide: Mostly painless. You get a rather severe headache towards the end, which hurts like buggery, but that's not far away from loss of conciousness. If you do survive, expect a while of feeling incredibly shitty. I wouldn't mind the headache, but I'd choose never to survive CO poisoning again.

Sorry to read of that Dave.

It's not pleasant, really, but it is quite old history now (Coming up to 8 years now). But it's one of those things you'll never get over.

(Oh, and just to clarify, it wasn't intentional CO poisioning in my last post. Some goon had incorrectly fixed the plane engine, and it was leaking its exhaust into the cabin. Fortunately we all noticed simulataneous headaches during the power checks, and so didn't take off)

I think the modern equivalent for CO poisoning, given that cars don't emit much of it these days, are those ready-to-light barbecues.

Apparently there is considered to be an "epidemic" of bbq suicide in China or Japan.

The technique involves getting the bbq going and once the charcoal is glowing, take it inside and close the doors and windows.


Oh, there's a wiki article about it..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Charcoal-burning_suicide