Be Excellent To Each Other

I have some free time. And an awful lot to do.

So instead I'm going to try and play Dwarf Fortress. For the uninformed think Angband crossed with sim city and dungeon keeper or something. I dunno. You make a Dwarf Fortress I guess.

I've got an install of the mac version and stumbled through watching it try and generate a world to explore. Which took forever. And it kept failing.

Amazingly though this seems to be my world with a preposterous history and all sorts.

*rubs hands together*

Dwarf Fortress is a remarkable piece of software, and it appears to be the work of only two people. It's genuinely incredible in it's scope, and the depth of the stuff that goes on within it is fantastic.

If your fortress ever gets beyond a cat-infested hovel littered with lizard corpses and insane dwarves making endless piles of doors, you're a better man than I am.

Here we go!

What. The. Fuck.

There's a face only a mother could love.

'The Land of Murdering' sounds an ideal spot.

Damn straight.

Building a new world on the grounds that the guys in the video looks like an actual place (made of letters) whilst mine only looks like letters

Have you run a diagnostic on your Graphics card?

If you squint you can see a dog eating an apple in 3D.

The more I stare at that screenshot the more I think I want this game.

That would look fucking sweet with 4xAA and, er, some pixelshaders or something.

Have you tried flashing John Coffey?

There's a DF wiki about somewhere, which might be useful. Just don't start off with a band of Poet / Bakers loaded down with granite blocks but no tools, cos everything will take forever to do and the goblins will eat you.

Video says I can press F to search the entire world for a place to start my fortress.

But yet It does not work.

This game is like nam. And I've done nothing yet.

The Flayed Continent of Mobbing.

That sounds better right....?

Rivers, mountains, this could be the place.

That and I start with a 'Sword of Tiring' - thats gotta help.

I'd be more interested in The Slick Bodice, personally.

Quoted for being possibly the geekiest sentence ever.

Well the game is in Alpha. Mind you, according to the site, it has been since 2002.



Hopefully it will tire those you hit with it, rather than whoever wields it.

Actually, I think the "Sword of Tiring" is the name of his gang, rather than I thing. I'd have gone with the Waning Boats, myself.

They sound like an indie band, specialising in angst-ridden dirge.

The video guide has just told me that "The three flux stones are Limestone Dominite and Chalk"

This game is preposterous.

I think I tried playing Dwarf Fortress once, but I've almost completely successfully blocked my memories of it.

Apparently plump helmet spawn is the best way to feed my fortress. I've taken dogs and cats, but need to remember to eat the kittens so they don't overun the fortress.

And i've only just got to the part where I name my fortress.

This is the screen I am presented with:

Ricockulous.

Do it. (It's free)



Then do this!

I see no joy here.

No joy!? Tarmidmüthkat (The Blademansion) is about to begin!

You will be awarded extra points for digging out a Fortress crudely shaped like a cock.

And here we go!

Oh.

My PhD made more sense than this.

What an awful starting position. You're screwed.

This thread is making me laugh! I may have to try this!

I really hope that Squirt actually has no idea what's going on, and is just making random authoritative-sounding statements.

Coffey must be thinking Lave's Mac has crashed.



It looks simple to me. Collect all those commas and full-stops until you've got enough to expand your empire beyond the world of Ns.

This is how Coffey must feel like when he plays on an xbox.

I found a cliff face to build my fortress in!



But it is miles away.

And there is a river inbetween us.



Bugger.

Ok. So now the video guide man is about to give up on his game because of carp in a nearby stream.

Carp

I'm still waiting to work out how to move my dwarves. Can the even wade through water? Will they be eaten by carp? Who knows!

Only if it's shallow.

And if the moon is full and you're wearing the boots of eternal waterproofing.

Ok, so he's screaming about carp

I've just found a list of things nearby: Jaguars, Warthogs and Elephants.

I'm so fucked.

He can't wear the boots of eternal waterproofing, his dwarves haven't levelled up enough yet. He need the plimsoles of temporary dryness and the mediocre pantaloons of alacrity.

Yeah, those elephants will fuck your shit up in no time. Build a wall, or dig a ditch and flood it, or build some pits with spikes, or maybe breed some elephants of your own. But whatever, do it quick!

I've learnt how to name my dwarves!

Anyone else want to be a dwarf?

(Also; thanks for the advice, but my strategy for the elephants and jaguars is to ignore them. Whats the worst that could happen?)

(Now to build a fortress!)

Other than the gender difference, it's like looking in a mirror. I love clay.

Count me in. Squirt needs all the help she can get.

Devilman and Squirt are my miners.

THEY MADE IT ACROSS THE WATER ON THE WAY TO DIGG A FORTRESS.

FUCK YES. ROCK AND ROLL.

I want to be a dwarf! Some say I already am!

Me too! I am not already a dwarf, though I have a fine beard.

Gaywood:

(Worried that all you lot are going to starve or be eaten whilst I wait forSquirt and Devilman to digg...)

Craster!

Squirt can Digg while I tweet.

Oh, and my description isn't far off.. apart from the 'active' bit.

I notice we all need alcohol to get through the working day... step to it Lave!

Grim... up a dwarf, even though (a) I have no idea what you're doing, and (b) it might not allow full stops in names, and (c) go and play Savages

This is the best thread of the year so far.