Be Excellent To Each Other

Hello, Beex mums and dads.
I was just wondering, how do you go about stopping your kids from looking at stuff they shouldn't on your / their PC/Phone/Wii/etc?

Blind them?

My Draytek can filter at router level but I believe you need to subscribe to a special list that costs cash money. But in one swoop you'd tackle anything that connects to the net via your router.

Can you not set up different profiles on say the computer and restict web access on their profile or something like that?

You can do all sorts of things (I like the sound of snoop around and look over their shoulder, and give them a good slap if they hit up youporn). I was wondering what people do do.

What have you got to hide?

Thing is, if you start to lock down stuff, it makes people (kids and adults as well) start to look harder, because it must be something really juicy for it to be forbidden.

We work on trust in our house mainly.

The boy (11) has a 360 with access to everything but I have told him that if he downloads a demo that is unsuitable or comes downstairs and calls me a motherfucker because he's just been playing Saints Row 2 then he knows he's in deep shit with numerous privileges revoked in the event of a transgression. He knows I can track his activity on Xbox Live but the mere threat of that seems to be enough for him to take on board what we're saying and consult as appropriate.

He always asks me if he can play certain games if the certificate is beyond his own age and doesn't moan when I forbid him from playing the likes of Saints Row or GTA IV etc even though a lot of his mates seem to be playing them.

He's also got a laptop in his room with unrestricted access to the internet but again he knows that I can track what he's been doing if I wanted to which currently seems to be enough for him to act sensibly. We keep an eye on him but we don't monitor him if you get my drift.

If either of my kids work out how to find porn on our laptop I shall be working out how to make money from such genius toddlers.

When they're old enough to use PCs the rule will be that the PC stays in common areas of the house.

Even Daddys PC?

Well, yes.

Unless I'm using it.

What about mobiles, Wiis, PSPs, DSs etc?

He's only got a mobile of his own because work provide it. And you can only get a data connection by cleverly re-aligning a nearby cow's ears and shoving one hand up its bum.

I was meaning when the boys become more tech savvy than their dad (in approx 2 years time).

A pal uses openDNS's filtering options, but the wean quickly figured out how to use a proxy. Now they're blocked, but I wonder how long it'll take for the wean to change the DNS settings

*thinks back to the golden age of Razzles dumped in hedgerows*

It would get fat lads into the great outdoors a lot more though, eh?

Is that why Grim... built the Tomcat?

A "friend" worked out that if I had saved all the money I spent on the Tomcat, I could have taken a really, really fit prostitute to the Paris Ritz for six nights.

Damnit.

Your still getting dirt track fun though, dude.

You could probably make do with a singularly fit prostitute one weekend in three for the next 18 months in a decent hotel in London?

Or get Myps to gnosh you off for the rest of his life. Twice.

There speaks the voice of experience.

How long would I get with an ugly prostitute in a grimy back alley behind a KFC?

From what your wife told me, anything over 20 seconds is considered "a win".

Fuck no, they haven't upgraded the cows round here yet. We're still using moss.

And I do have my own mobile, thank you very much. It's just 5 years old, doesn't work and doesn't have a sim card.