Zio wrote:
It's always started a bit odd being called 'Zio' on the few Beex meets I've been to, especially since different people seem to have different ways of pronouncing it to what I do. But then my name is so common that it's not unusual to find at least 3 other blokes with it everywhere I go, so at least if I'm referred to by my forum name I know I'm being spoken to.
Also, obviously I'm not bipolar, but coming off the Citalopram/Prozac was wonderful, and I'd heartily recommend it to all. Takes fucking ages before you start feeling normal again though. I'd say it took me a good eight months or so of not taking anything before it properly felt like normality was restored in me noggin.
Edit: All who take such drugs, obviously. I wouldn't recommend starting it just to then try coming off again.
Timing is of the essence to me. I have to make sure I take the right thing at the right time. I can not 'live' on any of them because if I'm not careful and take the wrong thing at the wrong time it fucks me. I think it's because of my clean diet and sensitivity to meds.
If I wake up and I'm so manic I can't even think I will take Risperidone. But that will simply put me to sleep within an hour and that'll be all she wrote for an entire day. I don't like living like that but it's a nice last resort to have. If I take Sertraline 'permanently' it simply stops working. Both offer pretty nasty side effects that I won't go into but I will say neither are pleasant.
What's odd is if I get all my timings right and take the right meds at the right times I almost,
almost feel normal. Which is nice.
I'm absolutely certain now that I rapid cycle. Because of that I simply take what meds I need as I need them, which sort of works well for me because the depression doesn't last
too long.
Today I woke up and shortly after saying good morning I was crying for no reason at all. Within 30 mins I had steamed up my glasses and had a puddle of salty tear water on the desk. Thankfully the SSRI has now completely fucking zapped my brain and I can't concentrate on anything, much less being miserable. I'm just bleurgh.
Thankfully I knew it was coming. I didn't see it myself, my pal on skype asked me what the noise I was making was as it was annoying him. Then I realised I was sucking air through my teeth and realised I was tense. This was last night. I woke up no less than eight times in the night and felt my back stiffening to the point that I was out of bed at 9am after about four hours of sleep. Dizzy, emotional and absolutely fucking exhausted. Down to the coffee machine, put on a smile and go about my day.
But if I start taking my SSRI every single day they simply stop working. And if I take them when I'm hyper I feel like I want to rip out of my skin. And if I accidentally take Risperidone when I'm depressed I will sit with my head in my hands all day crying and end up sobbing myself to sleep like a kid does when his mother smacks him.
All of which utterly fucking sucks. Thus, I am absolutely determined to at least try being happy.