Be Excellent To Each Other

Hello.

There are many persons in the world that lies hereabouts. Some of these are called Jennifer, while others are called, for example, Steve. But which is best?

The answer is, of course, me. For I, sinister agent, am the one known as Benny Two-Legs. You are no doubt humbled and moderately awed by my disguising prowess. This is natural, and will pass.

Secrecy was necessary as the person who is entirely responsible for my predicament is a member on these very boards, as well as being a member of my houselold. I did not want this person to know of my plans, nor did I mention what was going on here because I fully expected that she would have wilfully misinterpreted my talking to the boards as stirring, or something of the sort. I did not want this complication.

I doubt she has checked here for months, nor that she will, but I thought it best to play it safe. However, this person is no longer in my life. All she can do to harm me for speaking the truth is to spread lies about me - which she's been doing for months anyway, so she is as powerless as she is guilty.

In short, I helped someone in need. For two years, I did everything that it was within my power to do to help another human being - many of you were here when I asked these very boards for advice in order to help her. Several members offered direct, tangible help, with nearly everyone offering moral support (I would like to reiterate again my thanks to LewieP and his mother - regardless of the outcome of the situation, their kindness is unprecedented, and utterly priceless). This person took all this, gained my trust, posed as my friend, and then turned on me, using me for this whole time not just to take what I would have freely given anyway, but also to use me in order to get close to her next victim when I rejected her advances. She did this without remorse, without concern for anything but her whims, and without even acknowledgement, explanation or apology. Indeed, she denied everything even long after I had actual physical proof, in a show of cowardice and idiocy so astonising (also, hilarious. There's a point at which abhorrent behaviour becomes so disgusting that it becomes pathetic, and fucking funny) that I fear a linguist who charged his grandsons with a deadline of 200 years to express it could be described as a hopeless optimist.

My alter ego Benny tried to gauge the board's opinions on some other places in the country, as I was thinking of moving directly to wherever I got a good job offer. I am still planning this (indeed, I hope to hear back from a good job in Liverpool tomorrow), but there is less urgency, as I am taking a few weeks - possibly even several months with part time work - to regroup, tell my real friends what admirable and excellent people they are, and work out where to go, in every sense, from here.

I could say a great deal about what this person did to me and my once-friends, and what she's continuing to do even now. I probably will when it's not midnight the day before a busy week and I have a rather annoying cold. But for now, suffice to say that I was treated in a manner so morally vile and pathetic by one who claimed to be a friend that I have struggled in vain to envisage a future in which I can - or should - forgive. And I have forgiven some terrible things.

The upshots are these: I am a better man. I will try harder than ever to appreciate the kindness of others. I will never doubt MaliA again. About a year ago, when another friend screwed me over immediately after I acted with great nobility and consideration towards her, someone on these boards said "there's a special place in hell reserved for those who betray their friends". I have since come to understand that this is fitting and right.

Also I totally had a lesbian schoolgirl who fancied me humping my leg and moaning, and I still resisted. I am a fucking champion.

I would like to thank those of you who emailed me and/or Benny to answer my questions, or simply be supportive.

In light of this, I'm really sorry for attempting to dissuade you from living in Liverpool, Sinister. Scoring a job and a nice enough dwelling here would definitely improve things for you, and I wish you all the luck in the world with your relocation, wherever you end up.

Good luck in moving places and jobs and stuff.

Aha! I had suspected as much that you were he with my suggesting of Stratford in that other thread. Sounds shitty dude. As someone on the receiving end of a close friend's venom I can completely sympathise with your predicament. Hope you get sorted out soon.

????

I'm pretty good, don't know if I am the best though.

Wait, what?

I miss Benny-two-legs

Mali - you were the first person to suggest that the person in question was full of shit. And you hadn't even met her!

At the time, I let my concern overrule my sense. No more!


Also, I meant to edit this in last night, but my new home's internet connection is very unreliable at the moment. I would still like to hear the opinions of the board about various places in Britain - I'm looking for a large town or small city, preferably in the North, West, or Northwest. My priorities are cost of living (ideally I will live alone. If I can do this and still have pocket money left over, I will be v. pleased), a late 20s-30s demographic, and poncey things like museums, theatres, cinemas, parks, and quiet, gently friendly pubs where people go to sit and chat with friends and whoever else arrives.

I have so far applied for stuff in Nottingham, Liverpool and Bristol. Any advice or comment, however positive or negative, will be welcomed.

Thank you all.

Benny two legs was best.

Sorry S.A., sounds like a sucking situation.

Also.. rejected advances why?

Err, OK. I've no recollection of doing this, but, cool, yo.





£500pcm for a 1 Bedroom house on one of the nicer parts of Bicester, bus ride to Oxford is £4.40...

Chester. It's almost as civilised as the South until you realise its full of scousers.

There's a good off-road site near Bristol.

I did something similar in 1999 (look for somewhere completely new to live, not the lesbian thing!) I drew up a list of things I wanted from a town/city (which were similar to yours but South rather than North). Then I chose about a dozen places at random, and researched them (house prices, jobs, shopping, going out, does it have a university? does it have a cathedral? how close is it to the sea/country? does it have good schools? etc) Then, after I rated them all up, I had a top 3, and went and had a long weekend in each place, and finally moved there. That was in, as I say, 1999. These days it's much, much easier to research all that online, and you have things like google maps to help you see what it looks like too.

If you don't know anyone from the area, make sure you phone someone and ask them what it's like. We phoned a library, the local police station, the council and some random charity shop.

Malc

Malc

I do believe that's called "Wales", my good man.

Also, it worked out for Frasier Crane.

Now that I think about it, Liverpool does have a few good pubs of this sort, and some great museums and quiet spots and things. Why do I insist on despising it?

Because it was built on the back of the slave trade?

The general population?

Nottingham is rubbish and full of drugs and guns. I'm given to believe that Liverpool isn't as grim as people think, but I lived in Manchester for 12 years, so I'm preternaturally inclined to dislike Scouseland. Brizzle's quite nice, although pricey.

It's funny because it's true. I keep thinking I'm one day going to find a street that shares my name, implicating one of my ancestors in the Peculiar Institution and driving me to insanity.

Liverpool isn't grim. It's a beautiful place, covered in decades of grimy neglect and the general malaise of the locals. It's hard to make them proud of their home without first insulting it, or them.

I do prefer Liverpool to Manchester.

Fuck knows why I'm moving to Manchester. Apart from to take 30 miles off my commute while I sort my new life in Oxford(shire) out, I mean.

http://www.liverpoolpictorial.co.uk/streetnames.htm

Knock yourself out.

I did have fun in Mancland's Northern Quarter on Friday though, it has to be said.

*mans barricades*

It's not there! I'm clean!

Now you, DavPaz.

Have you considered Newcastle (upon Tyne)? I think it fulfils all those and I like it here.

They might have attended the highly popular fayre in aid of the Confederacy in 1864, or helped build the CSS Alabama...

Don't worry, I won't choose whichever hamlet you live in.

Unless I do, just to spite you.

Had the house just over from me, not been sold, I would have suggested it.

My family are all vikings mate, I'm safe.

Clearing up after Christmas Dinner must be a nightmare.

It's all vinyl. Wipe clean, innit.

I assume they go and pillage next door's dinner, to avoid this problem.

So you could laugh at my horrible inability to pay for it? You're so mean!

There's a nice flat for sale in London. STILL.

(Although I think we may have sold it, assuming the person on the phone stops taking the piss and comes back with a sensible offer. So, er, be quick).

Some of them are a bit Hans-y, but I have a word and Sven they calm down

You're having an Olaf aren't you?

Viking settlement predates the Atlantic slave trade by quite a bit. I say you've got blood on your hands, longboat-boy!

We could have gone for walks in the countryside together. And bike rides. And stuff.

Unlikely. The closest street name to mine is Parr Street. Which is (entirely different - Ed) to my surname. Besides, prostitution was much more profitable.

Local Community FTFY

There was a heart warming tale in the Bicester Advertiser about a kitten that was seconds away from be crushed to death by a digger thingy at the landfill, but it was rescued by the workers.

Aww!

I'm confused by the lack of beer in this proposal.Unless this is the beer, although the implied lack of priority and enthusiasm is worrying.

Good luck with everything. Nice guys may finish last, but they're also the last to take the ride to hell.

Also. Keep believing in Karma. What goes around always comes around.