Be Excellent To Each Other

Much youngness was occurring. I was recently 18 and I had my own car, allowing me to drive to school, rather than catching the bus with the plebs. Anyhow, there was a rather pretty girl on the the bus who lived nearby, so when school ended I hopped on the bus to offer her a ride home. She wasn't at school that day, so I offered Mrs Grim... the ride home instead. I was unaware (as most men are) that she had apparently wanted some hot Grim... action for some time.

On the way home, she complained about there being nothing on the TV she wanted to watch that night, and I was having the normal teenage 'issues' with my parents, so I offered to drive us into town and we'd go to the cinema. She said yes (see above).

So, we head into town. I don't know much about Mrs Grim... (and opened the conversation with a small joke about her mother who turned out to be dead), so we do the 'getting to know you' talk. I'm aware that she's quite a bit younger than me (she was just sixteen at the time) and her family was very posh, so I figured we'd see something easy-going, like a family comedy or something.

Anyway, I forgot my wallet. And she (on advice from her step-mother, I later hear*) had 'forgotten' hers, too.
In the car, I have £2 parking money. This, I cheerfully tell her, is not a problem.

Opposite the cinema was at the time the Zapp Zone, a Quasar-type place with an arcade attached to it. I put £2 into a fruit machine, and promptly won us enough money to get two cinema tickets.

She was mighty impressed with my mad money-generating skillz (I'm pretty good at fruit machines, so I was merely slightly grateful to the Fruit Machine God. Obviously I acted like it was pretty much an everyday occurrence), and, having learnt that she liked disco music (like Abba and that) I got us two tickets to see Boogie Nights.

So, yeah. That's one to remember

*This was actually rather good advice, the idea being that she would take me out next time to repay me. Well, it was good advice until I fogot my wallet too, of course.

Wha... you were into fruities as well? Oh my God, that's the full house mate.

Like your style too; Boogie Nights was undoubtedly an excellent choice of film for the occasion!

Really? With the inevitable disappointment it would cause later?

That's ace, Grim...


I sent Miss Malabar a text message while off my face in a field in Surrey*. A couple of weeks of talking, and she begged me to save her from an awkward night out. I went along, kept her relatively entertained in my bumbling way, walked her 3 miles home to save her having to spend the night at a 'mate's house, then walked another 2 miles back to mine. We've been together ever since the morning after that.


*I still don't know how I got her number. I was completely unaware of her existing before sending this message.

Was at an event thing for young enterprise at school, where schools from around the area all send a bunch of kids to do a market stall thing. We were selling drinks and sweets mostly. Table next to use was full of pretty girls selling badges and tat that they had made.

I was pretty calm and relaxed and smooth, and me and a mate got talking to two of them. I got them to swap a badge for a mars bar or something. Me and this one girl were getting on pretty well, and we swapped MSN messenger details.

We spoke loads over MSN for the next couple of weeks, and arranged to meet up in town.

I was incredibly nervous, and I never get nervous (I have been nervous like 3/4 times ever that I can remember), and I basically just seized up. We walked around, went in a few shops, and went for a drink, and I was a nervous wreck. She could tell, and was like "Why are you so nervous? You were really talkative when we first met?" and I didn't really have an answer.

She went home pretty quickly, and then blocked me on MSN, never heard from her ever again.

That's pretty the only bad date story I have though, I got over the idea of being nervous because I am spending time with a human female shortly after that.

I was sat in a pub beer garden with Craster, back when we were 16 or so, when a very attractive young blonde thing wandered up and said hi to Craster and sat on my lap and started talking to me. I was shocked, I can tell you. Still, she was hot, so I did the manly thing and made sure I got at least one hand on her arse.

We discovered a shared love of Due South, and decided we were meant for each other. I'm a bit shy, though, so I didn't pluck up the courage to snog her. What tipped the balance was that at the end of the night we were standing around waiting for Craster to finish getting eaten alive by her mate, and so Ruth got fed up of waiting (for them and for me) and just leapt on me.

We then went out for three months, and then she totally dumped me for some reason or other. I proceeded to be totally emo.

7 years later, I got an email out of the blue, and we had our first date at the Craster-eating girl's birthday do. She still complains about having to make the first move again.

Oh, and thank you again to Craster for having a hot friend.

You and Craster are RL friends? Didn't know that.

Yep. We met in first year senior school because we were sat in alphabetical order by surname, and we're both the same letter. I've been annoying the fuck out of him ever since.

Your surname is Bodger?

Indeed. Having my hand up his arse for 20 years has been awkward.

In Cardiff, Metros was THE place to pull, back in the day. As opposed to the other clubs which were full of stuck up bitches who only pulled men with ludicrously gelled hair called 'Mark' who wear Ben Sherman shirts and support Everton; Metros was full of goth chicks, rock chicks, and normal down-to-earth chicks. Everyone was fuelled by pitchers of vodka redbull, which was still cheap in them days. You carried the whole pitcher around with you, swigging from it. Excellent!

Best thing was, you didn't always need to make the first move, often they'd do it. And often the first move was just grinning insanely at each other while jumping up and down to Green Day.

I met this young lady in such a way. She was stunning, a snogging machine, and a good larf. Alas, her friend had to go home so the fun had to end there, but we agreed to meet up the following day.

The following day we ended up in what is now the Great Western. At the back of the Great Western were huge leather sofas with a fair bit of privacy, and we spent the afternoon and early evening there, cleaning each other's tonsils. A group of idiots arrived and sat on the other sofa across from us (and indeed, on the end of our sofa) so we decided to make them as uncomfortable as possible for trying to spoil our fun by REALLY going for it.

Eventually the time came to part ways, and we exchanged numbers and made a date for the following Friday in Metros.

She stood me up, and all I got was a text saying 'sorry, had to go to London friend having problems. not the best time to start seeing someone. sorry.'

Who is the Craster-eating girl?

Yet rewarding, I'd imagine.

I managed to win over Mrs Squirt by displaying awesome tightrope walking skills on a crappy work "Team Building" day, followed by a drunken pub quiz night a few days later. A classic love story to echo down the ages.

Hmm, mant stories:

First date:



Second date:




As for me, I'm not really sure. The entire thing moved from "we're friends" to "we're more than friends" fairly imperceptably. (Well, if you don't take into account the time she got tired of waiting for me to make it slightly more official)

A friend of Mrs Chris's.

I've never had a first 'date' really.

The missus was a friend of a friend. I fancied her, but she had a proper boyfriend (BOO!) and wasn't interested in me. On my 21st birthday, I'd just downed my 'dirty pint' (Guinness and Baileys don't mix well, FYI) and was disappearing up my own arse in drunkeness when I saw her in the student union. I marched over declared my love and told her to dump her boyf right there and then. She didn't. Later, I puked green.

About 6 months later, she sought me out on the dancefloor, told me she'd finally dumped her boyfriend. She'd been trying to shake him off for months but he was a bit of a limpet apparently and wouldn't take 'fuck off' for an answer. So, we danced, drank and stayed up all night just talking* and we've been together even since. 8 years now.

*obviously, the following night was more than talking

Did you puke green again?

It was in the hall of residence at about 2am when the fire alarm went off and I saw her standing in her very flimsy nightie. As she was a friend of a friend, the next day I said "let's go for a drink" and we did it was nice. The end.

WE ARE AT COKE-CON* FIVE PEOPLE.

*sole

I have never been on a date 'courting' is a foreign concept to me....Yet somehow now possess 2 children and a husband....where did I go wrong?
I disliked ramsea a lot when I 1st met him, he was only 16 though and 16yo boys are horrible creatures. Within 4yrs of that, we were married with kids so he must've done something impressive in the interim period.

Rohypnol?

My sister thought her husband was gay when she first met him, so it could have been worse.

16 year old girls are a work of evil, by the way. They're cleverer and more wiley than 16 year old boys, and they're fucking devious, cunning, puppetmasters. It's like a form of bullying.

Did he successfully tame and ride the wild triskelion, thus completing his rite of passage into Manx Manhood?

No. He just split the kipper.

Aww, it's nice when people share their food

I loved dating and chatting up women, and I miss it terribly.

Ironically, I only got good at flirting after I got a girlfriend.

I was chatting to one of the Legal Vixen Attack Posse yesterday and she was saying about how she's worried about being left on the shelf and would settle for mediocrity.

She's 22.

So did I. Trying out new techniques was always entertaining. I pulled a girl at a Sleeper concert by telling her I was gay. She wanted to convert me.

When I say "told her", I mean "confirmed when she asked if I was"



She was talking about you, dude. You're in!

Clearly, she should 'accidentally' meet me in FFMC or someplace.

I've never successfully asked out or chatted up anyone. I have been successfully asked out by others tho.

With Pauline, we both worked at the same place, and she asked me and a few others if we all wanted to see a film, I quite fancied her, but I thought she was more interested in one of the other guys. After the film when everyone else had left, we talked about going cycling in Epping Forest, so we arranged it for the following Wednesday (as we were both off work). I cycled from Victoria (where I lived) to Leytonstone (where she lived) with the aim of meeting up to go on to the forest. But I had quite a bad cold, and we just stayed in her flat drank wine and listened to music. I left quite late and took my bike home on the tube, having a big argument at Oxford Circus when I tried to leave the station with the bike (I wasn't going to try and take it on the Victoria Line)

That was almost exactly 14 years ago (13 years, 356 days to be precise)

Malc

Those skills completely disappear if you find yourself single again, though.

Nice story, Grim.... Mine was a bit more mundane. Ange was best friends with my housemate/landlord who I ended up snogging after a drunken night out. He then went mental and asked me to move out because he fancied me (I didn't know this at the time). We didn't start going out for about six months, though, as I'd just come out of a really abusive relationship and couldn't face the thought of it.

She persevered though, as I was superhot back in the days before I was fat, and now we're married and shit.

That would explain quite a lot, he'd argue I used it on him, of course!

Bad experience with a 16yo girl MrChris....? We aren't the best at that age, I'll agree. I was probably the epitome of evil to a few people when I was that age....

Meaty, i doubt it was that impressive. I think he blinded me with promises of wealth and luxury. Yeah, it never happened but I'm stuck with him now, dammit!

Wait. You snogged Ange or your landlord guy?

The landlord.

Myp, that story was excellently unclear. Thanks for the chuckle.

It was Mrs Chris, as it happens! Toying with me like a cat gradually tearing apart a mouse. You are *all* like that though. I assume it's either genetic or it's what you lot get taught in PE.

Same here

Yes, reading it back it does sound rather ambigiuous. I blame the pint of Young's Banana Bread Beer I've just imbibed.

You blame the beer for snogging your landlord?

Was it all in one lump?

I would *love* to see what a one-pinter man looked like.

You want to look at a reasonably attractive man?

That would be me, ladies.

I've only just got that.



Heh.

I'll see what I can do.

It would have to be a very very very very very attractive man (or at least look like a moderately attractive woman) for one to have sex with him after only one pint. I would like to know what such a god-like person looked like.