Be Excellent To Each Other

Anyone see that documentary on Channel 5 last night about people who have sexual relationships with their cars? It was hilarious, but also completely disturbing. But then when I think about it, what disturbing about snogging a headlamp, really? They're certainly not hurting anyone. Comedy televisual moment of the month when the film crew caught one of them trying to have sex with their 4x4 in the middle of the night.

/waits...

I thought the highlight was the interviewer asking the guy who had made love to (raped?) Airwolf if "Airwolf had any orifices that you could...use?". Or when they caught him jizzing all over the other bloke's car.

I was watching something else and trying to install Dwarf Fortress.

I BET GRIM... DOES THAT WITH HIS LAND ROVER. OH YES. INSERT OTHER PROBABLY JOKES HERE.

Grim can afford to pay other people to do it to his land rover.

Because it is bonkers. Because, I think, these people are not only bonkers but also were somehow found by a camera crew and production team, willing to be put on TV and known as 'that nutcase who bonks cars'.

I didn't see it but just can't imagine.

I wouldn't let him near my car, etc...

I'm more intrigued by the 'how', rather than the 'why'...

To be fair they both seemed quite genuine and also quite happy with what they described as their sexuality. The older of the two men featured did seem to get increasingly exhibitionist as the film went along though.

Isn't this just an extreme end of the scale that has "Reading Max Power" somewhere in the middle?

I'm sure it'll be on youtube very soon.
The old guy was extremely creepy. I thought it was quite funny that he wanked all over the 4x4 while his VW Beetle, supposedly the love of his life, was parked about 60' away.

We all know you're smart enough to not get caught when you do it.

All this makes J G Ballard's concept of autoeroticism seem remarkably chaste by comparison.

Bah!

The second I read the title, I thought, "Hurrah! I have to insert a J G Ballard reference into this thread!" Beaten by a matter of mere minutes - curse you, well read Mr Cochese.

Either well-read or simply a fan of rather poor movies that might offer a glimpse of boob.

Mr Ballard was actually turned on by car crashes. He wrote the book expecting it to do well and get movie-optioned, and then he'd cunningly get a porny movie out of it. Falsfax!

Ban CGI cars!

Only if they're M reg or later, though.

Both, really.

Don't worry, nervouspete - The Queen reference is still up for grabs.

Honda Jazz Mags.

Which presumably makes that Honda Cog advert the equivalent of those autopsy programs on C4.

And that Skoda advert's one for the feeders.

I don't understand any of this. People who burn cars how? With lighters and petrol or do you mean... terrorism, or... what?

Bum, sir. Bum, I say.

I bet you do.

I made that mistake once, when typing out a list of placenames for a client's web site.

They don't see the funny side when you put 'Simonburn' as 'Simonbum' accidentally, the the boring sods.

I once wrote a piece for school on crabs. Throughout the whole thing, completely by accident, I wrote "craps". Shore Craps, Hermit Craps and the Edible Crap. Think I got in trouble for that.

I have sent a contract out to a client which required them to have £10,000,000 of pubic liability insurance.

He needed it, too.

I nearly sent an email to a client named Tim, calling him 'Rim' by accident. I noticed just as I was pressing the Send button. Eep.

Saw a great one from a US lawyer the other day.

"The costs of the transaction will depend to an extent on how many junior lawyers will be assfisting me".

Running my fan club is a risky business.